Lend Me Your Fears

They’re in everybody’s eggs.Title: “100 Deadly Skills: The SEAL Operative’s Guide to Eluding Pursuers, Evading Capture, and Surviving Any Dangerous Situation”

Author: Clint Emerson

Rank: 9

Blurb: “In today’s increasingly dangerous world, threats to your personal safety are everywhere. From acts of terror to mass shootings, and from the unseen (and sometimes virtual) matrix of everyday crime, danger is no longer confined to dark alleys or unstable regions. Potentially life-threatening circumstances can arise anywhere, anytime, and Clint Emerson — former Navy SEAL — wants you to be prepared.”

Review: “I couldn’t help feeling that this was a great instruction book for kids and terrorists. Publishing easy-to-follow directions for making a Taser out of a disposable camera, a flash bomb out of a lighter, why soap is an important ingredient in Molotov cocktails and how to turn a newspaper into a deadly weapon are not necessarily the instructions we should be spreading. There are instructions for breaking into anyone’s home through the garage, any hotel room with a handle doorknob, and into anyone’s luggage without damage or trace.”

Up the Butt, Bob: “If you ever find yourself in an MRI scanner and you are hiding metal objects in your rectum (as the writer suggests) last of your concerns is that they find out you are hiding something in there: with the 5 Teslas scanner we have today that object could very well end up in your lungs by the time they pull you out of the scanner.”

Customers Also Bought: “Prepper’s Home Defense: Security Strategies to Protect Your Family by Any Means Necessary”

Footnote: If you’re the nervous fidgety dude at the office with mad lethal skillz, we have some bad news for you.

100 Deadly Skills [Amazon]

Now this sounds more useful than a SEAL ‘leadership’ book…

@SanFranLefty: Alas, this is not the Useful SEAL Book you’re looking for. Besides arcane stuff like anal hiding and dropping from helicopters, the instructions that might seem handy are limited to an oversimplified page, plus another page for an illustration. Purchasers — the target audience — are pissed.

It might have been coffeetable-amusing if pitched differently, but it’s really playing up the darkies and dope fiends angle (not in so many words, of course, but the subtext is clear). If all you watch is Fox and local news, this book is aimed at you.

Fuck William Willet. Daylight savings must end.

Not included with the book: C-4, knife, MP-10 submachine gun and hand grenades.

I’m really mystified as to why the Millennials don’t vote. They’re the most screwed generation in contemporary American history, yet their lack of interest in voting shows that they’re either a) satisfied with the status quo, meaning that huge numbers of them are fine with never owning homes, nor having families or meaningful careers, or b) they’re too young to remember what it was like to feel anything other than soul-sucking despair when thinking about our country and its future and have simply given up.

Besides, it looks like 54% of current Washington voters need to be retroactively aborted, along with almost everyone in TexA$$, the Worst State.

While not as thrilling as the Canadian election, this election has given us some Precious Holy Shit Moments, like Salt Lake City electing gay city council member Derek Kitchen (!!!) AND lesbian mayor Jackie Biskupski (!!!). They can roll that up in their Mormon underpants and smoke it.

@¡Andrew!: Don’t get me started. I work with a bunch of them; none of them voted yesterday.

But in happier news, the Canadian PMILF has a 50% female cabinet because it’s 2015, duh….

Yeah. He didn’t pick too many ding dongs (male or female) overall. I wonder if the military is going to like having a Sikh as minister of defense.

In some ways he’s like his dad who famously said, “Just watch me” after being told he couldn’t enact the War Measures Act that put Canada (at least Quebec) under Martial law for a few weeks due to kidnappings by Quebec separatist terrorists in Oct 1970.

@SanFranLefty: I’ve been listening to the CBC for the past month or so, and I challenge anyone not to lose control of their genitals when they hear JTru speaking le francais.

@ManchuCandidate: Just tell the military that Sikh dude’s a Jedi Master, and it’ll work out just fine.

It appears as though old Sleepy Eyes McGee snoozed through the 2008 campaign:

During Friday’s news conference, Carson also compared himself to President Barack Obama.

“I do not remember this level of scrutiny for one president, Barack Obama, when he was running. In fact, I remember just the opposite,” Carson said.

For serious? At least his tenuous relationship to the truth is finally getting some serious play.

@mellbell: Truth and reality, if we’re being completely honest.

Especially his poverb (sic) momument (sic) to him and Jeebus.
A couple of sics, but at least I didn’t have to pay for them or have them chiseled in stone.

Well, now I’m curious: Is there a legitimate Black conservative who isn’t fundamentally dishonest or batshit crazy? And if you make it that far, also not a former pro football player?

Minus the Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy caused by all footbawl.

The answer is: none.

@ManchuCandidate: Be fair. The NFL paid its scientists good money to dispute those CTE claims.

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