Title: “Harry Potter Schoolbooks: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them / Quidditch Through the Ages”

Author: J.K. Rowling

Rank: 28

Blurb: “The purchase of this book is not tax deductible.”

Review: “Although the wait for 2002 and ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix’ is going to be a hard one for a lot of people, these two brief but fun books should fill the gap admirably as well as supporting a great cause.”

Customers Also Bought: “Flying Cauldron Butterscotch Beer (6 Pack)”

Footnote: Nothing like a movie announcement to goose sales.

Harry Potter Schoolbooks [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Title: “How to Win Friends & Influence People”

Author: Dale Carnegie

Rank: 85

Blurb: “Learn:

• Three fundamental techniques in handling people
• The six ways to make people like you
• The twelve ways to win people to you way of thinking
• The nine ways to change people without arousing resentment”

Review: “I wouldn’t recommend using these techniques on close personal friends.”

Customers Also Bought: “The Think and Grow Rich Action Pack”

Footnote: Next time you try to cancel a service over the phone, thank Dale Carnegie for the scripted obstacle course the drone forces you through.

How to Win Friends & Influence People [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Title: “The Greatest Gift: Unwrapping the Full Love Story of Christmas”

Author: Ann Voskamp

Rank: 9

Blurb: “Voskamp reaches back into the pages of the Old Testament to explore the lineage of Jesus — the greatest gift — through the majestic advent tradition of ‘The Jesse Tree,’ each day featuring its own exquisite ornament highlighting the Biblical story.”

About the Author: “Ann Voskamp is a farmer’s wife, the home-educating mama to a half-dozen exuberant kids.”

Review: “You can download these beautiful designs and create your own ‘Jesse Tree’ representing the House of Jesse, who was King David’s father and ancestor of Jesus.”

Customers Also Bought: “Sticky Faith: Everyday Ideas to Build Lasting Faith in Your Kids”

Footnote: Luke and Matthew connect Jesus to King David through Joseph, but everybody knows that Mary was knocked up by a dove.

The Greatest Gift [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Title: “The Anunnaki of Nibiru: Mankind’s Forgotten Creators, Enslavers, Saviors, and Hidden Architects of the New World Order”

Author: Gerald R. Clark

Rank: 25

Blurb: “The Anunnaki astronauts hailed from a planet, Nibiru, in our own solar system, whose apogee resides in a 3,600 retrograde elliptical orbit beyond Pluto. According to their records, likely using spectroscopy as scientists do today, they located gold on planet Earth. Due to a failing atmosphere on Nibiru, Anu their king, dispatched his preeminent scientist and first-born son, Enki, on a space mission to Earth to recover enough gold that could be ionized in a layer of their atmosphere, as a solar radiation shield.”

Review: “The idea of the Annunaki mining gold is silly. There are gigatons of minerals in the asteroid belt, lying nearly on the surface of tiny asteroids, which wouldn’t require coming into our gravity well. A spacefaring race would mine the asteroids.”

Customers Also Bought: “Alien Viruses: Crashed UFOs, MJ-12, & Biowarfare”

Footnote: Still, more rational than Republicans.

The Anunnaki of Nibiru [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Title: “The Liberty Amendments: Restoring the American Republic”

Author: Mark R. Levin

Rank: 1

Blurb: “The Framers provided two methods for amending the Constitution. The second was intended for our current circumstances — empowering the states to bypass Congress and call a convention for the purpose of amending the Constitution. Levin argues that we, the people, can avoid a perilous outcome by seeking recourse, using the method called for in the Constitution itself.”

Review: “The Liberty Amendments provides hope, direction, and an attainable goal for all lovers of liberty, conservative and libertarian alike.”

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Title: “A Pocket Style Manual”

Authors: Diana Hacker and Nancy Sommers

Rank: 35

Blurb: “With its signature Hacker handbook quick-reference features—hand-edited sentences, color-coded documentation coverage, user-friendly index entries, and a clean, uncluttered design—A Pocket Style Manual has always provided fast, effective answers to writing and research questions.”

Review: “Makes switching from MLA style to APA a snap.”

Customers Also Bought: Umpteen other guides to ruining your writing.

Footnote: Fuck Chicago. No, really: Fuck Chicago. May it rot in Hell.

A Pocket Style Manual [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Title: “The Catcher in the Rye”

Author: J.D. Salinger

Rank: 35

Blurb: “Holden’s voice is the most eloquent of all. Transcending his own vernacular, yet remaining marvelously faithful to it, he issues a perfectly articulated cry of mixed pain and pleasure. However, like most lovers and clowns and poets of the higher orders, he keeps most of the pain to, and for, himself. The pleasure he gives away, or sets aside, with all his heart. It is there for the reader who can handle it to keep.”

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