Geez, there must be something out there… The new iPhone 3G? Nah, even if you can download porn three times faster. Ralph “Unsafe at Any Election” Nader polling 6 percent? One spoiler at a time, please. John “Keating Five” McCain throwing darts at Unicorn’s veep posse over some S&L loans? Wake us up for the next Fistacular. And we’ll take a pass on Bimbo Eruptions: The Criterion Edition.

So, what’s left?

South Korea’s cabinet offered to resign on Tuesday after an unpopular deal to widen the market to U.S. beef imports sparked massive street protests against the government which has been in office barely three months.

Something about Mad Cow disease being spread from the Democrats American cattle. But here’s the thing: the entire cabinet offered to resign. Over a beef deal. And not one of them is writing a book about it. And here we thought North Korea had the crazy leaders.

S.Korea cabinet offers to resign over U.S. beef row [Reuters]

If she manages to be really, really nice over the next six to eight weeks, we’ll think about it. But if she scratches up the couch again, we’re getting a retriever.

Jockeying begins in ‘veepstakes’ to become Obama’s running mate [Ottawa Citizen]

• 20,000 ponies
• HotOrNot
• Lunar Robot
• Twins!
• 5,000,000 4,700,000 4,400,000 gallons of gas
• 200,000 tickets to Get Smart
• Super Light Bulb
• Cowboys Stadium
• Peace and fucking quiet

Obama Campaign Open to Helping Clinton Pay Off $20 Million Debt [Bloomberg]

Plugs website: Even

Announces third-party candidacy: 5-1

Swallows raw egg: 15-1

Reveals she’s been Heather Locklear all along: 3-1

Chelsea opens 2016 campaign: 10-1

Lanny Davis insists afterward she didn’t say whatever she said: 2-1

Bites head off bat: 30-1

“It’s still June, you never know”: 20-1

Earth cracks open, Devil takes his spawn back to Hades: Even

Concedes graciously: 100-1

HILLARY. You didn’t do anything; you never do anything; you never mix. You just sit around and talk.

BARRY. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to act like you? Do you want me to go around all night braying at everybody, the way you do?

HILLARY. (Braying.) I DON’T BRAY!

BARRY. (Softly.) All right… you don’t bray.

HILLARY. (Hurt.) I do not bray.

BARRY. All right. I said you didn’t bray.

HILLARY. (Pouting.) Make me a drink.

We’re told by Programming that the show finally ends tonight — or maybe tomorrow, you know how those finales are. And while we know how much you’ve enjoyed it, your cards and letters aren’t enough to justify the ongoing production costs, and we think it’s best to stop now on a high note. But be sure to tune in next week when we debut our new summer sitcom, Psychogeezer & Son, about a lovably cantankerous junkyard owner and his adopted manchild who just can’t talk sense into him. You hear that, Cindy? I’m coming to join you, honey!

In case you missed last weekend’s Democratic Unity Message, here’s a refresher.

Ickes Sees “Perversion” at the DNC Meeting [ABC]

Ickes On MI Proposal: “Gall And Chutzpah” [National Journal]

Harold Ickes’ parting shot suggests more Democratic turmoil [LAT]

After D.N.C. Verdict, Ickes Threatens Convention Fight [NYO]

The Ickes Threat: Empty or Not? [CQ]

Clinton’s 17 Million Reasons, Ickes’ Anger [NYDN]

Harold Ickes Is Not Happy [MoJo]