Gov Sandwiches staggers around like the pathetic, glucose-drunken halfwit he is at his kid's baseball game, after being ferried there on a state helicopter and being driven the last 2 feet with a state car while his wife holds out a box of lard for him to slobber down, one of 50 he consumes each hour.

The cynics in the national political commentariate love to chuckle behind their cuffs at the titanic expanse of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s sprawling physical girth, variously jeering at him for morbid obesity that could take his life at any moment and condemning him as simply too pathetic a fat fuck to ever be considered electable in a run for the White House.

The cat calls and guffaws even inspired the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) to lurch to the defense of the immensely fat fascist psychopath, recently condemning any discussion of Christie’s monstrous dimensions as simply a distraction from his alleged achievements, like being a pawn in the Caligutard’s Justice Department, a twisted ministry whose claim to fame was approving torture so the CIA could legally make porno tapes Vice President and Vampire in Residence Dick Cheney could view while masturbating.

Critics and proponents, however, are sadly missing the real case for a Chris Christie GOP nomination and run for the White House.

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“I’d ask the fathers and husbands of America to consider our privacy when one summer day I found this guy on the deck of the rental property, just 18 feet away next door to us, staring like a creep at my wife while she mowed the lawn in her shorts…”

-Todd Palin, in a statement released to the press regarding author Joe McGinniss’ new book on Sarah Palin.

Which leads us to wonder… what, exactly, was “First Dude” Todd Palin doing while his wife was out mowing the lawn in hotpants? Please vote on what you consider the most likely scenario:

A) Staring at her through a peephole gouged in the wall with a mechanical pencil over a period of three days?
B) Keeping an eye on goddamn Trig, who just crapped his diapers again and Sarah just doesn’t have fucking time for his shit right now.
C) Watching “Red Shoe Diaries” on Skinemax while nursing a beer and smoking a joint.
D) Why, the dishes, of course…

“People close to the campaign, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said Mrs. Bachmann is often influenced by the last person she speaks with on an issue rather than maintaining discipline in communicating a message.”

-An anonymous source “close to the Michele Bachmann campaign” as cited by the New York Times.

I suppose that as long as we can ensure that the last person she speaks to before making a policy decison is sane, reasonable and well informed on the issue at hand, a Michele Bachmann presidency would work out just fine.

Rick Santorum at a campaign stop demonstrating how he would blow a donkey for a reporter who asked - about 10 minutes before he figured out he was being heckled.

Brain-damaged, weasel-faced GOP presidential candidate and punch line Rick Santorum is a man of epic stupidity.

Dumb?

His pets beat him at crazy eights, so much so his wife thew out all the playing cards in the house, because Santorum complained so much about them cheating.

A brick and a stuffed animal made it onto his college’s debating team – which he was never invited to join.

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When those on the left end of the political spectrum seek to argue that the modern Republican party has taken a decidedly anti-scientific turn of late, picking targets and providing examples to support their case is far from difficult. With the Republican presidential primaries in full swing, it is of note that only one of the major GOP hopefuls has come out in support the scientifically accepted theory that recent warming trends in the Earth’s climate are anthropogenic in nature, that is, they are caused by increased atmospheric density of man made heat trapping gases like CO2 and methane. This is far from a controversial statement among those scientists who study the Earth’s climate as part of their vocation. However, among Republican public officials and the vast majority of the GOP electorate, acceptance of climate scientist’s findings on the matter are greeted with more than mere skepticism. Current GOP frontrunner Rick Perry, for instance, has publicly accused the scientific cummunity of a wholesale falsifying of climate data to secure research grants.

Much the same can be said of acceptance of Darwin’s theory of Evolution. Despite the fact that Evolution by Natural Selection is the fundamental, unifying principle of modern Biology, has been for well over 100 years, and is universally accepted by all serious academic biologists outside fundamentalist Bible colleges, GOP candidates routinely proclaim themselves skeptical of the theory of Evolution (libertarian Ron Paul included).

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The above monument, commemorating the birth of the United Federation of Planets’ most famous starship Captain, can be found in Riverside Iowa. Clever.

(Via: Gizmodo)

Andrew Sullivan today links to a critique of Paul Krugman’s analysis of the so-called “Texas Miracle” in job creation that is alleged to have ocurred during the past few years. The critique is by Kevin Williamson and appears in the National Review. I won’t quote from the article extensively (you can follow the link and read it yourself) but I will offer my own rebuttal of its claims: Read more »