Flooding the Zone

Trump Tower.

“Omarosa got hired at the White House,” our friend who, unlike us, prefers not to swan dive into the cesspool of American politics, told us this week.

And really, as an emblem of the horrors to come, that was as good as anything, a recognizable manifest absurdity that requires no explanation. If you know Omarosa, we can spare you Mike Flynn, and Jeff Sessions, and Ben Carson, and Rick Perry, and Secretary Exxon, and hey, how much time do you have? You get the point.

But, as we explained to our friend, this is still the Preshow. Trump holds no actual power yet. We may be getting a steady diet of announcements and tweets, but they’re still all digestible, even when they cause indigestion.

This will all change — dramatically — in two weeks. Après Obama, le deluge.

For a taste of things to come, consider next Wednesday. Obama will have given his Farewell Address the night before, so there will be a lot of chatter about that. Perhaps to steal the limelight, Trump will be giving a press conference — no, really, he swears, honest — that day.

Or perhaps the Trumpfest is designed to distract from the sixcount ’em! — Cabinet confirmation hearings scheduled to be held Wednesday, highlighted by Secretary Exxon and Missus Senate Majority Leader.

It’s not quite like secretly gutting your ethics watchdog the day after New Year’s, but that opportunity doesn’t come up very often, and ya work with what ya got.

What’s odd is that you’d think Republicans were ashamed of their President’s nominees, to try sneaking them through the news cycle like that. Shouldn’t every Trump nominee be given his or her chance to bask in America’s loving gaze? These are, after all, the very people who are going to make America great again, guided by Dear Leader. Let’s salute them, one by one!

Yeah, you’re right. Ironic Detachment is a pisspoor coping strategy. Didn’t work with Reagan, either.

But soon enough, there will be so much bad news emanating from so many sources simultaneously that Republicans need not bother deliberately flooding the zone. We simply won’t be able to keep track of it all. We’ll have to satisfy ourself with picking off one or two, spewing venom at them, then moving on to the next day’s golden shower of atrocities.

Every day. For four years. No exceptions.

And in the end, our friend’s instincts may be right. Omarosa caught his attention because Omarosa was the easiest way to express that inchoate sense of awfulness we’ve all been feeling for two months as we await Our Republic’s Rendezvous with Destruction. And our friend did what all Americans know to do in their hearts, what makes us great as a nation:

He went after the reality-show villain.

Because, honestly, that’s a lot easier to get across than our incessant references to Jack D. Ripper.


This is even more relevant today than in 2004. Replace the name and the truth’s the same.

Gas Middle America by the Exile’s Mark Ames

Gas them. Gas every red state that voted for Bush. Gas them all, and gas them now. And if that sounds a little too 1940s for you, then fine, nuke the fuckers. Nukes have come a long way since 1945, so much so that they’re not even 1940s anymore. It’s just that gassing them sounds so much more appropriate.

The awful reality is that George W. Bush won by 4 million votes. No, the awful reality is that he got any votes at all — but he did. It doesn’t matter if Bush stole 10,000 votes in this shitty Ohio county and 4,000 votes in that incest-ridden Deliverance county there — he won the popular vote. He won a mandate. He won — get it? Bush won! They voted for him, the stupid fucking suckers, after he gave them four years of the most shocking warp-speed national decline since Franz Josef abdicated. There is nothing normal or sane about what these Americans did. There is no way to spin that. It’s just nauseating, sphincter-twisting, horrifyingly stupid and evil. So the coastal elite — and we are an elite, thank god (what moron wouldn’t want to be part of the elite? “Hey, I’m not elite, I’m akshully jus’ a fuckin’ stupid piece of shit chump who gits used by the elite, ‘n by gum that’s how’s I likes it!”) — and the Democrats and everyone with a brain should stop flogging themselves or falsely localizing blame on a clique of evil Republican operatives who manipulated Middle America, and put the blame where the blame lies — on the 59,000,000 fucks who voted to destroy America.

The hardcore Christians, and the Republicans who use them, have a massive advantage over secular humanists because they know and believe that man is an evil, base creature. They see his baseness everywhere, particularly if he is enjoying himself. Evangelical Christian philosophy is based on a simple hatred of man, hatred of life, hatred of pleasure, and hatred of everything beautiful on this planet, especially animals and forests. Earth to them is a wretched test, a dreadful obstacle on the path to Heaven; only money is good, not for the sake of enjoying money, but because the wealth, and the goods wealth buys, is a sign that they have been Blessed; the more sand niggers, endangered mammals, forests, property, and earthly culture they destroy on the path to wealth, the better chance there is getting to Jesus Christ’s kingdom later on. They want to go to heaven, yet they want to live until they’re 100 because longevity is proof that Jesus has blessed them (also they want to draw Social Security and leave nothing for succeeding generations, all the while lecturing their grandchildren about the sin of taking handouts). They are infinitely greedy, and like the petty misers they are, they do not enjoy a single thing they possess, and hate those who do. But they’re even worse than misers — they’re misers who barely get by, misers with overdrawn credit, misers who constantly vote for harder work and less pay. They’re misers who make it harder and harder for themselves to mise, as it were. The stupidest misers man has ever known.

Middle American Christians not only hate man and life, but most of all, they hate America. In fact, no one hates America more than the hardcore Evangelical Christians, which is to say, the South and Midwest. Their hatred of New England liberals is a thinly disguised hatred of America’s heart and soul, since it was in New England that America was founded; their hatred of California is a hatred of what America has become, a hatred of American culture and power, since modern American culture and technology are produced in California. Their hatred of Hollywood is the same hatred of Hollywood you find in any resentful Third World country. Middle Americans hate California and the Northeast because those are America; the South and Midwest, on the other hand, are merely a kind of Third World within America, a large free-trade zone full of gullible consumers and cheap land and labor, and they know it. They are what holds America back from progress. They are the East Germany that West Germans had to absorb, and are constantly paying the price for. They are America’s Sunni Triangle, full of hate and fanaticism and destruction. They are fit for little more than cannon fodder in the armed forces and as non-union manual labor capable of assembling Japanese or German cars without making a fuss. In short, they’re gullible fools. Which brings me to the next question: Who the fuck ever decided that these pieces of shit deserved the right to vote?

Bush II has done everything to destroy America in record time. Bush II is our Nikolai II and Wilhelm II rolled into one bumbling, violent dumbshit. Thanks to him, the mighty American empire is disintegrating before our eyes — no wonder Putin, the Iranian mullahs and bin Laden wanted to see Bush II re-anointed. No president in history has accomplished so much destruction so quickly — the destruction of the American armed forces, the destruction of the economy and the dollar, a record deficit ensuring our decline for decades, a huge redistribution of wealth from the middle-classes to the rich thereby ensuring social tension for decades, and encouraging the kind of cult superstition and ignorance that has made places like Iran and Saudi Arabia the beacons of cultural and technological innovation they are today. Disaster, you think? Wrong. It’s perfect, if you’re a Middle American who hates America with all of the passion — in fact, with the very identical passion as his Islamic fundamentalist counterparts. Just look at the evidence: bin Laden has said that his two-pronged strategy to destroy America is aimed at both drawing it into a quagmire in the Middle East and by bankrupting it. Middle America voted back the president who has done exactly that — drag America into a quagmire, and bankrupted its finances, causing its currency to plummet by 60% since Bush took office. They hate America, and they want it destroyed, and we need to stop them now. Not by seceding, not by hand-wringing, not by getting to understand them, but by gassing them. Or nuking them. Or both, just to be sure. Followed by salting.

The complete rage masterpiece is now behind a paywall.

Along these lines, as seen on Facebook:

Welcome to Trumpistan. The federal week in review:
1. Trump fires all Ambassadors and Special Envoys, ordering them out by inauguration day.
2. House brings back the Holman rule allowing them to reduce an individual civil service, Senior Executive Service positions, or political appointee’s salary to $1, effectively firing them by amendment to any piece of legislation. We now know why they wanted names and positions of people in Energy and State.
3. Senate schedules 6 simultaneous hearings on cabinet nominees and triple-books those hearings with Trump’s first press conference in months and an Affordable Care Act budget vote, effectively preventing any concentrated coverage or protest.
4. House GOP expressly forbids the Congressional Budget Office from reporting or tracking any costs related to the repeal of the ACA.
5. Trump continues to throw the intelligence community under the bus to protect Putin, despite the growing mountain of evidence that the Russians deliberately interfered in our election.
6. Trump breaks a central campaign promise to make Mexico pay for the wall by asking Congress (in other words, us, the taxpayers) to pay for it.
7. Trump threatens Toyota over a new plant that was never coming to the US nor will take jobs out of the US.
8. House passes the REINS act, giving them veto power over any rules enacted by any federal agency or department–for example, FDA or EPA bans a drug or pesticide, Congress can overrule based on lobbyists not science. Don’t like that endangered species designation, Congress kills it.

I have some quibbles with number 1 (he is entitled to fire all the ambassadors and special envoys he likes, though previous officeholders arguably did it more respectfully), but otherwise this sums up the major events outrages of the past week or so pretty well.

@mellbell: At least they haven’t killed anyone… yet.

Dr Strangelove to the Dept of Energy?

Trump isn’t being blackmailed by the Ru$$ians. It’s just a total coincidence that he does everything that Putin orders.

Here it comes:

Make America Urinate Again
Trump Shower
The Apprenpiss
Putin on the Piss (in the Ritz)
Trump 2020: A chick pissin’ in every pot
2 Girls, 1 Trump
Goldwater Republican

@¡Andrew!: Even if he was, an electoral majority of Americans have declared that they’re cool with that. And Republicans don’t care what shit he pulls as long as it gives them power.

@nojo: At least President Piss Goblin has that huge reservoir of public trust and goodwill that he built up during the election to sustain him in these trying times.

@¡Andrew!: I’m a fan of calling him PEEOTUS with this GoldenGate scandal. (Thank you Keith Olbermann for both)

I also heard “2 Girls, 1 Coup” today and it seemed fitting.

He’s also a rapist, just in case anyone forgot.

@¡Andrew!: Oh believe me & my therapist, I haven’t forgotten that.

Mandrake, have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?

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