5280 Feet Nearer My God to Thee

“I personally think the tattooed, foul-mouthed, Harley-riding pastor fad is tiresome.”

I thought Sam Kinison was tiresome, too.

@ManchuCandidate: I was just thinking the other day how (stupendously wasted) Kinison was one of the few comics Letterman walked out on mid-set. During his show. Cut to empty desk, and go to commercial.

@nojo: Re: alt-text – you forgot to add “…and a Subaru Outback”

Haven’t noticed that yet. Too distracted by the beer-serving party bike, which is almost impossible to describe.

But let’s try: Seats ten, around a covered table. Everybody drinks. And pedals.

Hey Andrew, hi from Beijing and pls give my best to President Xi. I hope he gets to visit the original Starbucks down by the water.

@Dodgerblue: 你好 Ni hao, DB. Unfortunately, Xi’s too busy buying all of our real estate to have time for my visit–the nerve! Also, they’ve shut down like nine square blocks of downtown Seattle for a “security zone” around the Westin where he’s staying, so I may still be stuck in a bus in traffic by the time you return to LA.

Voters Look On In Horror As 3 New Republican Candidates Appear In Place Of Scott Walker

@¡Andrew!: no shit. when is that bastard leaving? at least we don’t have to worry about the pope, or do we?

@¡Andrew!: heh

@JNOV: Xi’s on his way to The Other Washington on Thursday, where he’ll be picking up around 6 million freshly hacked credit card numbers and having a few dozen anchor babies. Usual touristy stuff.

@¡Andrew!: hahah. they got my worthless info when they hacked OPM.

and they’re buying 300 jets. probably to be built in tennessee or something.

Don’t tell dumFux Nooz, but half the Chinese delegation is nine months pregnant and will be giving birth en masse on the White House lawn tomorrow. Thanks, Obama!

Why did President All Your Database Are Belong to Us have to go to Tacoma?! So glad the pope is hanging on the East Coast. Fucking shit.

The bus driver is yelling about the traffic. And she says she’s lost.

Passengers are telling her to drive by some casino. Okay!

Did I mention the cussing? Bus driver is cussing.

I’ve never felt safer on a bus. She puts my Philly road rage to shame.

Ah. Bus driver says southbound 5 is closed from Seattle to Tacoma.

“This is what happens when people don’t drive friendly and act like asses. It’s dumb and dumber out here. People are stupid.”

Passenger asks, “Are we ever going to get back to 188th St.?”

Bus driver responds, “Maybe.”

Pleased to report he’s safely back in Seattle now. Us? Flipped cars. Crazy bus drivers zooming down hills. Can we bill China for this shit.

The bus driver is cackling and saying, “Let’s see if we can catch up.” Catch up to what? 5pm?

@JNOV: Apparently he went to Tha Coma to taunt American school childrens over the fact that they’ll B hiz debt slaves 4 life.

I don’t get it either re: closing I-5 and DT Seattle. Is he really in that much danger?

@¡Andrew!: Exactly. What are we going to do? Throw coffee at him? Slap him with a fish?

1999 WTO riot days are gone. Now all we can muster is a couple of people chaining themselves to a barge anchor.

Boner resigned speakership?

@DElurker: Yep, Boner is goin’ down hard, and just in time for Cocktober. Brace for whatever previously unthinkable scandal is about to rip. It couldn’t be anything as simple as his overt alcoholism, maybe necrophilia? Satanic orgies at Goldman Sachs?

One thing’s for sure: Whatever replaces Boner will speak in tongues and have more heads than a hydra.

@¡Andrew!: Lead by quitting. It’s the Scott Walker Way.

Greetings from Guangzhou, which is like a smoggy sauna. I’m taking the afternoon off to go to a local museum and a boat cruise on the Pearl River, then flying home tomorrow, stopping at Campos Tacos at Pico and 20th on my way from LAX.

I had BBC news on the hotel telly this morning and saw Boner crying. So he quit, eh?

@nojo: Love the tweet–ha!

The hubs and I went to the Chic and Duran Duran concert the other night, and we were totally blown away. So much fun jammin’ out and dancin’ all night. Chic brought. Down. The. House. with a turbo-funk version of I Want Your Love that I’ll never forget.

I was quite concerned about the gal behind us. She seems to be enraptured in some kind of religious catharsis as Simon Le Bon was singing Hungry Like the Wolf. Fortunately, she didn’t faint.

@¡Andrew!: Like Madonna, Simon Le Bon is older than me. And unlike me, married thirty years.

Really: Unless you’re Mick or Keith or Iggy, don’t even think about it.