Caption This….And Vote

(1) Caption it

(2) Should SanFranLefty change her avatar to this photo?

It hurts my eyes

Here’s some Joe Biden footage to cleanse your palate/make it all…okay…again.

Pass the mind bleach.

23 comments:

12:48 am • Wednesday • January 7, 2015

Vote early and often. Current avatar to the left above for comparison purposes.

5:01 am • Wednesday • January 7, 2015

For a San Fran girl knows when he’s kissed her
It’s the kiss of the lizard
Mr John Boner…
Bawwwaaaahwaaah.

He’s the man, the man with the spray tan touch.

10:05 am • Wednesday • January 7, 2015

What the hell color is Boner this year?

12:16 pm • Wednesday • January 7, 2015

@BobCens: Tobacco and whisky.

3:19 pm • Wednesday • January 7, 2015

I’d leave the avatar.

5:44 pm • Wednesday • January 7, 2015

I will pay you in wine NOT to change your avatar. That photo gives me nightmares.

6:19 pm • Wednesday • January 7, 2015

@Mistress Cynica: a photo of Orange Man angers me nearly as much as a photo of Gohmert, and that’s something.

11:35 pm • Wednesday • January 7, 2015

@ManchuCandidate: I’ve missed the Manchu songs!

@blogenfreude: @Mistress Cynica: I figured I’d be getting bribery offers to NOT change the avatar.

#JeSuisCharlie

For Fuck’s Sake!

10:51 am • Thursday • January 8, 2015

Wey hey! Happy New Year everybody! This is the one where all the animals come out – whores, skunks, pussy cats. You know the one. We’re circling back to the Days Before Hopey,and ten years on from my Great Experiment With US Living (a) our government will remain vile and (b) I’ll no longer be living here.

So, no Lefty, do not change your avatar. You just know that not only did that bronzer rub off on Nancy’s liposuctioned cheeks, but that Boehner reeks of Pall Malls and his gravelly, mid-Ohio voice said something unseemly about how he’d like to gavel her one last time.

As for #JeSuisCharlie, yes, a black day for freedom of speech and another flag planted by religidiots on the globe. But am I the only one to also think “well, at least the French will now also understand why we are so freaking spooked by the rising tide of extremism?” It is a frightening world outside of our crappy, underinsured borders, and as sad as I am to say it, it is also good to be able to share that sadness with others. I don’t want to be the only one getting shot at in Afpackistan…

10:52 am • Thursday • January 8, 2015

oh and ps: who won the Golden Pear award this year?

2:21 pm • Thursday • January 8, 2015

@Beggars Biscuit: Pretty sure the French already knew about the rising tide of extremism. They weren’t handling it much better than the US is, though (niqab ban, anyone?).

I can’t help thinking of idiots like this (the morons who shot up Charlie Hebdo) as petulant children who can’t get what they want, so they throw a tantrum. Obviously they’re adults throwing a tantrum with firearms, so it’s a much more serious situation, but that’s still the level of emotional maturity I get off the whole thing.

2:54 pm • Thursday • January 8, 2015

@IanJ: In my inarticulate way, I was trying to suggest that the caricature Left Bank artistes* who guffaw at the Drones! Wars! They’re Coming For Our Freedums! sloganeering coming out of US 24/7 media may now actually understand that, sacre bleu, not only nous sommes Charlie but nous sommes tout f$%ked by the same petulant adults throwing armed tantrums. Not just the policy makers and the fish mongers who are upset at the rising tide of immigrants, but the intelligentsia, the very same ones who devoured the satirical cartoons, many of which probably took the piss out of the US as much as any one else.

I have no answers but I do have a really bleak view of where this global schism is taking us. There will be no safe redoubt, the IS hub is motivated, well-funded and very, very decentralized. It is also a very worrisome thing that our government is being taken over by Rethuglicans who are willing to deny everything from climate change to torture to the fact that their leaders were idiots (Bush) and their heroes were relative moderates (Reagan). Nothing good can happen for a really long while. Promises of easy beach stays in Cuba will not hold us over for long.

*Some of my best friends are caricature Left Bank artistes.

10:03 pm • Thursday • January 8, 2015

@Beggars Biscuit: No Golden Pear awards ceremony was done in 2014, but maybe you can convince Nojo to do one.

Terrorist attacks are happening all around the world (although 87 people killed in Nigeria or 43 in Syria don’t get the play that 3 people in Boston and 12 in Paris), but what chilled my heart was the news that the shooters in Paris spoke perfect native French. I can’t quite articulate why, especially after a lack of sleep from being up writing briefs, but I can’t get that detail out of my mind. When I saw that, all I could think was “we are fucked.” The decentralized nature of ISIS means anyone could pull a similar move and the Flying Spaghetti Monster knows that it’s way easier to get high powered weapons in the U.S. than in France.

10:34 pm • Thursday • January 8, 2015

@SanFranLefty: If it’s any comfort, there’s no need for the IS terrahists to attack us, since we’re doing a much better job of destroying ourselves than they ever could. The US KKKongress is the greatest threat to the people of this country.

I will add that I’m pissed that the major news organizations glossed over and largely ignored the NAACP bombing on Tuesday, cause presumably the bombers were white and therefore patriots.

12:02 am • Friday • January 9, 2015

@SanFranLefty: A friend in Paris is freaked out by that very same thing: these guys aren’t immigrants, illegal or otherwise. They’re French. The other thing he fears is a boost to Marine Le Pen and the racist assholes of the Front National.

9:20 am • Friday • January 9, 2015

@¡Andrew!: Oh for sure. The NYPD’s petulant pissing match with DiBlasio is also illustrating the danger of the armed police and military forgetting that they work for their civilian commander and the people who elected him or her. Not that I mind they’ve stopped harassing old Chinese ladies recycling cardboard out of dumpsters or arresting black and brown kids for smoking weed on the playgrounds – a work stoppage that may bite them in the ass when people realize there’s a lot of redundant officers around to do that kind of shit that provides a constant level of harassment in low-income neighborhoods.

Re: NAACP bombing and MSM – don’t get me started. Muslim shooter = entire religion guilty; black shooter = entire race guilty; white shooter = mentally unstable guy who just needed help.

@Mistress Cynica: Fucking LePen. She’s totally going to get a boost. She is a smarter Sarah Palin (that’s not saying much, your cats are smarter than the Tallibunny).

9:57 am • Friday • January 9, 2015

Government Admits It Was Only Behind Destruction Of North Tower

Representatives from the Central Intelligence Agency, National Security Agency, and half a dozen other government bureaus revealed at a morning press conference that they were responsible for the development, funding, and execution of a plan to take down 1 World Trade Center in New York’s Financial District. Describing their mission as an unqualified success, officials noted that the completion of their objective was followed 17 minutes later by a separate suicide attack on 2 World Trade Center by al-Qaeda operatives piloting a hijacked airliner.

“The scripts we had given every major news anchor were pretty much useless after that second impact,” said CIA agent Donald Macy, noting that the highly orchestrated misinformation campaign they had crafted over 10 months only made sense within the original context of one building being targeted. “After that point, any confusion was beyond our doing.”

Admitting that there were several major unexpected turns that day, those behind the government’s attack maintained that, regardless of the coincidence, they still achieved the long-term results they ultimately wanted.

4:19 pm • Saturday • January 10, 2015

My Nielsen service has come to an end. I’m gonna miss the kickbacks from TV producers.

7:37 pm • Saturday • January 10, 2015

@nojo:
Did you keep the various (un)reality shows alive?

8:01 pm • Saturday • January 10, 2015

@ManchuCandidate: Since I dropped cable last spring, I ended up being industry-standard statistical evidence for cord-cutting.

8:29 pm • Saturday • January 10, 2015

@nojo:
Don’t blame you. Mad Men and baseball were the only things that kept me from cutting the cord. Now that I have less than legal methods to watch… uh I have cut the cord.

9:10 pm • Saturday • January 10, 2015

@ManchuCandidate: Hulu and Netflix cover everything I care about. Well, except Mad Men. Might have to run that through Apple if I want to watch the remaining episodes next-day.

2:26 pm • Sunday • January 11, 2015

@nojo: My wife teared up at the “Call The Midwives” holiday special last night.

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