Everything is Gruesome

Minecraft is a flat circle.Title: “Minecraft: Essential Handbook: An Official Mojang Book”

Rank: 82

Blurb: “You’re alone in a mysterious new world, full of hidden dangers. You have only minutes to find food and shelter before darkness falls and the monsters come looking for you. What do you do?”

Review: “I have learned more about Creepers and spider jockeys than I ever wanted to know!”

Customers Also Bought: “Minecraft Iron Golem Action Figure”

Footnote: What we do is quickly head home, because clearly we’ve found ourself in the Gaslamp District during Comic-Con.

Minecraft: Essential Handbook [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

12 comments:

10:37 am • Sunday • July 27, 2014

The last time I was in a situation like this, I typed in the cheat code for BFG aka Big Fucking Gun.

/old skule Doom/

3:15 pm • Sunday • July 27, 2014

Forgot you have to put up with ComicCon every year. We had to put up with the GOP in 2004, and Bob the Builder shows up at the Beacon every 6 months or so. That means Park Slope mommies and daddies and fucking discarded fruit rollup leftovers. Ringo was here a couple weeks ago, but his fans are harmless.

6:07 pm • Sunday • July 27, 2014

“You’re alone in a mysterious new world, full of hidden dangers. You have only minutes to find food and shelter before darkness falls and the monsters come looking for you. What do you do?”

Call your agent. And avoid 44th street.

7:39 pm • Sunday • July 27, 2014

@Benedick: Finding food? Don’t look in Gristede’s.

8:47 pm • Sunday • July 27, 2014

@blogenfreude: Considering Comic-Con got here 32 years before I did, it’s only fair.

9:51 pm • Sunday • July 27, 2014

@nojo: but back then it was 15 guys with a few long boxes, no costumes, and no girlfriends.

10:29 pm • Sunday • July 27, 2014

@blogenfreude: I was thinking more of that autograph hound who runs up at you to ask ‘Are you anybody?’ Not a good question to ask at the best of times.

11:18 pm • Sunday • July 27, 2014

@Benedick: Just tell them you’re Sean Connery–no one under 30 would question it.

11:20 pm • Sunday • July 27, 2014

@Benedick: But you look like somebody… no, wait, I’ll get it… say “ex-parrot”.

11:20 pm • Sunday • July 27, 2014

@¡Andrew!: Conceptual jinx!

2:55 pm • Tuesday • July 29, 2014

Crime of the Century Dept, from the LA Times:

A woman who became topless as she attempted to flee a Macy’s in Arcadia during an alleged shoplifting attempt in June has turned herself in, police said.

Jeannie Hua, 45, of Alhambra allegedly concealed merchandise inside her purse and, when she tried to leave the store, a loss prevention officer attempted to detain her, according to Arcadia police.

During the ensuing struggle for Hua’s purse, her shirt and bra somehow came off. She then ran to her car, leaving behind her purse — with her driver’s license inside — and the items she allegedly tried to steal. A witness also recorded her license plate number as she fled the location, police said.

3:55 pm • Tuesday • July 29, 2014

@Dodgerblue: The crime is naming somebody “loss prevention officer”, right?

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