Crib Wars

Jesus died for your taste in children’s books.Title: “The Berenstain Bears and the Easter Story”

Authors: Mike Berenstain and Jan Berenstain

Rank: 9

Blurb: “The Bear cubs and Papa are candy-crazy this Easter! But Mama, with help from Papa, tells the cubs about Jesus’ resurrection and shows them that salvation is much sweeter than candy. Includes a colorful sticker set.”

Review: “The raging offense of the Berenstains is the post-feminist Papa Bear, the Alan Alda of Grizzlies, a wimp so passive and fumbling he makes Dagwood Bumstead look like Batman.” —Charles Krauthammer, 1989

Customers Also Bought: “Dinosaurs Eggs with Mini Toy Dinosaur Figures Inside”

Footnote: We’re more than a little curious about the backstory, since Papa Berenstain was Jewish and Mama Berenstain was Episcopalian.

The Berenstain Bears and the Easter Story [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]


Never understood the appeal of these books.

@blogenfreude: They are simple to read and reinforce the stability of the family structure, which I would imagine is comforting to a child.

Jesus, Krauthammer is a tool, n’est-ce pas? He has a long track record of toolicity, toolishness, whateves.

Speaking of religious atrocities, that dumbfuck white supremist who shot up the Jewish community and retirement centers in KS ended up killing three Christians. #headdeskoverandover

@flippin eck: And yes, my gravatar is now one of my lagomorphs.

Lunar eclipse and first night of Passover. May the Manichewitz flow like the waters of righteousness.

@Dodgerblue: I’m trying to stay up for it. The Blood Moon, not the Manichewitz.

@JNOV: Full effect now. Is that Mars off to the right?

@Dodgerblue: Mars at one o’clock.

Also, the Blood Moon looks like a toasted marshmallow.

@nojo: I screwed up the photography. Back to the manual.

@Dodgerblue: If I zoom my iPhone shot real close, I get…

…the reason people still buy cameras.

Bugger. Missed it. Very cloudy last night.

@nojo: I have a long lens but I forgot to set the camera to spot metering and so the Moon was grossly overexposed. Plus I probably had the ISO cranked up too high. I need to practice for the next one.

@nojo: indeed. I’ve been looking for a real camera on Craig’s list bc we’re gonna see THE ORCAS! Stooooooked!

@Benedick: Clear when the moon was at 10:00 in the sky, and then The Gloom.

TJ/ My favorite subject: who died? Flags are at half mast.

TJ/ Do you think we’ll get in trouble if we drop superballs off the building roof? (11 stories)

Re flags: Probably the Boston bombing.

Re superballs: I’ll ask the guard with the gun. There might be homeland security issues. Maybe not. Hard to say.

It’s snowing and I’ve got a (minor) broken bone in my index finger. Went to the ER. I was very, very brave.

Plus it’s snowing. Take me out and shoot me.

@Benedick: I know how you feel. It’s, like, overcast in Sandy Eggo.

@nojo: Yeah, the marine layer is in tonight. I put on a sweatshirt.

@JNOV: I looked up your flag question since they weren’t lowered here today. They were at half staff only in Washington for the mud slide victims.

We had clouds last night for the eclipse, snow flurries today and hard freeze warnings for tonight. All the blossoms on the pear trees that were so gorgeous when the temps hit the low 80s over the weekend are on the ground now. Thank you winter storm ZZ Top or whatever this system is.

@Benedick: You’re brave no matter what ‘Catt says.

@nojo and Doger: Feel free to stop gloating any time.

@Dave H: Yes, Oso. That makes sense. I think the rules for governors are different, but I wouldn’t be surprised if some active duty service members died in the slide. The TSA and the VBA have offices in our office complex. We have a flag row, and there is a flag row across the street at the airport. I think the airport’s might be a Garrison. I left the office and was like, “What the hell happened!?” They found another body today…

@Benedick: Maybe your father and son would hide out in Darrington, population ~1,300.

So much for separation of church and State:

Meaning of each flag fold

The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life.

The second fold is a symbol of our belief in the eternal life.

The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the Veteran departing our ranks who gave a portion of life for the defense of our country to attain a peace throughout the world.

The fourth fold represents our weaker nature, for as American citizens trusting in God, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in times of war for His divine guidance.

The fifth fold is a tribute to our country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur, “Our country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong.”

The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie. It is with our heart that we pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

The seventh fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all her enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic.

The eighth fold is a tribute to the one who entered in to the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day, and to honor mother, for whom it flies on mother’s day.

The ninth fold is a tribute to womanhood; for it has been through their faith, love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great have been molded.

The tenth fold is a tribute to father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of our country since they were first born.

The eleventh fold, in the eyes of a Hebrew citizen, represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon, and glorifies, in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

The twelfth fold, in the eyes of a Christian citizen, represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in their eyes, God the Father, the Son, and Holy Ghost.

Meh. I doubt they’ll cover my winding sheet with a flag before I get dumped under a tree, but it’s nice that the gov’t has exceptions:

VA Clarifies Policy on Flag-Folding Recitations “13-Fold” Ceremony, Other Scripts Approved
To ensure burial services at the 125 national cemeteries operated by the Department of Veterans Affairs reflect the wishes of veterans and their families, VA officials have clarified the department’s policy about recitations made while the U.S. flag is folded at the grave site of a veteran.
“Honoring the burial wishes of veterans is one of the highest commitments for the men and women of VA,” said William F. Tuerk, VA’s under secretary for Memorial Affairs. “A family may request the recitation of words to accompany the meaningful presentation of the American flag as we honor the dedication and sacrifice of their loved ones.”
Traditional grave site military funeral honors include the silent folding and presentation of a U.S. flag, three rifle volleys and the playing of “Taps.”
The clarification includes the following:
Volunteer honor guards are authorized to read the 13-fold flag recitation or any comparable script;
Survivors of the deceased need to provide material and request it be read by the volunteer honor guards; and
Volunteer honor guards will accept requests for recitations that reflect any or no religious traditions, on an equal basis.
Veterans with a discharge other than dishonorable, their spouses and eligible dependent children can be buried in a national cemetery.
Other burial benefits available for all eligible veterans, regardless of whether they are buried in a national cemetery or a private cemetery, include a burial flag, a Presidential Memorial Certificate, and a government headstone or marker.

Crazy fucking VA

@JNOV: It’s been fifteen years since I moved South, and I have enough Gloat in me for at least another ten.

To this day, one of the best opening lines I’ve ever read in a novel:

“Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice. At that time, Macondo was a village of twenty adobe houses, built on the bank of a river of clear water that ran along a bed of polished stones, which were white and enormous, like prehistoric eggs. The world was so recent that many things lacked names, and in order to indicate them it was necessary to point.”

Garcia Marquez’s Nobel acceptance speech is excellent, too.

So this Korean ferry thing, If I have this right, the capt gives the helm to the third mate (also what happened when the Exxon Valdez hit Bligh Reef), the boat hits a rock and begins to sink, and the capt hustles off the boat with the students who survived, leaving what looks like 150 more children to die. Not how Jean Luc Picard would have handled it, no?

@Dodgerblue: Sounds like the Italian cruise ship wreck all over again. Was the captain of the Korean ferry bonking his lady-friend or drunk as a skunk?

Yeah. He took a page from Otto, the deranged assassin, and made his personal command creed “every man for himself.”

@Dodgerblue: The assistant principal who hanging himself because he survived when his students did not just broke my heart.

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