The Neverending End Times

Fucking crazies.

Somewhat related: A cousin and a family friend died recently. I’d wondered how I’d react when my relatives started dying and I didn’t go to the funerals, but I primarily focused on my parents and whether my brothers would want me there.

My cousin and my friend were fundamentalist in affiliation but not in practice. IOW, they didn’t go to church much and didn’t talk about religion much and didn’t care or express profound disappointment that I don’t believe in supernatural stuff and all that.

I looked up their obituaries online, and wow — they should never let my mother write those things. My cousin’s had NOTHING I mean NOTHING to do with her life and EVERYTHING to do with Juheesus. I mean Jesus here, Jesus there, Jesus Jesus EVERYWHERE. AND she fucking plagiarized part of the eulogy I GAVE at my paternal GRANDMOTHER’S funeral.

Bitch.

The other person who died was the person who drove me to the bus station when I left in 2012. I spoke with him about a week before he died. His obituary mentioned the church he belonged to, but the rest was about things he enjoyed and stuff he did, points of personal pride…it was about him.

Meh. So. Yeah. Haven’t felt much sadness. I’ll make some little paper boats or something and send them to sea from the Sound. I’ll probably feel it then.

Steve says that my obituary will list all of the cats I’ve had.

@JNOV:
Similar experience. When a friend of mine died, one of my best friends remarked that the priest spoke much more about Jeebus then he did about my friend during the eulogy. It pissed him off quite a bit. I felt the same way although not to his level of anger, but I wasn’t going to shit on the rituals of the Catholic Church

@ManchuCandidate: Yeah. Catholic funerals are really Mass. The wake is more about the person.

In my family, the repast is where we eat like maniacs and catch up with people we haven’t seen in a long time because I guess we don’t need them in our lives that much.

My brothers and son know that my business is not only going to be secular, but my dead ass is going to be under a tree somewhere. Home funeral. Green burial. My memorial service will be a beach party with booze, BBQ grills going, volleyball and party favors. May everyone get sloshed and pass out. Maybe laid.

Speaking of the after . . .
Don’t you just love the Duck Dynasty photos of the before and after?

@ManchuCandidate: The nice thing about being raised Catholic (in my case, technically still Catholic, since I haven’t professed another religion or married outside the church) is that you can call them on their shit in a way no one else can.

I have a very orthodox Jewish aunt that I haven’t spoken to since 1991. My other aunt died (her sister), and my mother asked for a ring her mother had owned to give to my sister, then to her almost-born daughter. The aunt said basically, why do you want it, you don’t have any kids.

The very Jewish believe that adopted kids don’t count because the mother might not have been Jewish. I dread meeting this woman again at a funeral I can’t avoid. My then girlfriend, who witnessed the interaction, wisely did not tell me and let me get far, far from Baltimore before she did. I would have ground that woman into a fine powder. How fucking dare she …

@BobCens: Send me a check like that and I’ll grow a beard too.

@JNOV: Hugs

@Tommmcatt: You’d look sexy as hell with a beard. Woof!

Selling the end of times is always a cash cow. Including magnets or comets, like Hale Bee Bopp-a-Loo-La can help close the deal. Does someone have some Kool-Aid™ they can share?

@weejee:
It would probably be better for all concerned if the end time folks went quietly into the night, but they rarely do that.

It’s probably one of the few things the poor Hale Boppers did right.

@ManchuCandidate:

The sun will go out
Tomorrow
Bet your Pascal’s Wager that
Tomorrow
There’ll be none…

Happy Martin Luther King Day from Sarah Palin!

@nojo:
Ha

@SanFranLefty: She is just begging for attention now. I’m almost embarrassed for her. Almost.

@Tommmcatt Says Pull My Finger: “I’ve always been big. It was my politics that got small.”

@Tommmcatt Says Pull My Finger: At this point, she’s just a downmarket Ann Coulter.

@mellbell: Truth.

@Tommmcatt Says Pull My Finger:
She’s fast approaching The Desperation Stage which will be followed by the Bankruptcy and Amateur Porn Video “Leaked” Stages.

@nojo: @ManchuCandidate: I’ll miss her when she goes. Truly. Always good for a laugh, that one.

@JNOV: I will write your obituary. It will be a series of ten self-referential dirty limericks.