The Soft Bigotry of Low Marco Rubio Expectations


Of course that would be excusable if he wasn’t a politician for 13 years.

Heard outside the coffeehouse: “I think OB [Ocean Beach] has more drifters than true bums.”

Meanwhile, Marco’s desperate to sell that working-class home — for $675,000.

No matter. Even without Sippy Time, it was a bland presentation last night. Not quite the failure of Deranger Rick, but I’m not seeing Formidable National Politician.

@nojo: That’s correct, in my experience. We have the true bums here in Santa Monica, mostly within a block or two of where I work.

@Dodgerblue: Home of the Homeless, as Benedick’s Secret Love Harry Shearer says.

God was telling him to STFU by grabbing his throat.

@nojo: I’ve applied for over two dozen jobs in the last four months, and the only feedback that I’ve received from recruiters is that my MBA makes me totally over-qualifed, while simultaneously I don’t have the right experience after 15 years in banking and finance. At this rate, I’m gonna be livin’ on the beach after my current gig ends in June… or I’ll be teaching English and giving handjobs in China at Madam Wu’s House of Blossoms. But hey, free Mandarin lessons.

@¡Andrew!: Come here, darling. Let me press against you. I mean that. Don’t be shy. It’s entirely natural if you get thrills in the pee pee. It’s how we send love. And also the splort thing but I don’t do Skype. But as someone who lived on unemployment and stupid jobs for years let me tell you I get it. Oh brother, do I get it. Come here. Let me crush you to my heart.

I almost called Rubio’s office to tell them to tell him to eat melon. Uh huh. Best hydrator while telling lies evah. I was shooting a commercial – yes I am that glamorous – that required an almost impossible physical action plus difficult text under grueling lights (my life is so hard) and I discovered that drinking bottled water made me more thirsty not less. But if I ate cantaloupe or crenshaw melon I did not become thirsty. So I was going to call Rubio’s office and then I thought: Would I care if he choked to death while shoveling shit? And the answer is no. So I didn’t call. But tip for stinquers: it’s not water it’s melon. For Catt it’s Superlube, but that’s a different issue. Hola.

@¡Andrew!: I’m reaching the point where it’s starting to cross my mind whether anybody will pay for a retirement-age geek.

@¡Andrew!: Darling, even noje honors the struggle of co gay geeks. He’s deeper in the closet than Lindsey Graham but we love him. Well some of us do. Maybe we don’t want to get in a jock and press against him but he’s a person longing for human contact beyond a cat. Kisses.

@nojo: Just throw a bunch of computery terms at ’em: C++ this and SQL that, etc. Dreamweaver? Is that a thing? The geek world is totally inaccessible to outsiders. Razzle-dazzle ’em, and you’ll be fine.

Maybe I should get a certificate in Network Administration? It seems to have none of the scary math requirements that are the poison pills of Computer Science.

@Benedick: Gracias, amigo.

And if I do end up on the beach pretending to be an extra from Lost, I’ll drop by the Stinque World Domination Employee Cafeteria (Remote HQ?) for some totally platonic nojo hugz.

@¡Andrew!: There’s also High School, TV/VCR repair, computer programming, daycare, medical billing, and air-conditioning repair… or so I’ve been told by those in the know (wink wink).

@¡Andrew!: Dreamweaver? Is that a thing?

Since Adobe killed GoLive, yes. I use Dreamweaver once a month to assemble an alumni enewsletter, since, as awful as it is, it’s all there is for the purpose.

The geek world is totally inaccessible to outsiders. Razzle-dazzle ‘em, and you’ll be fine.

Fuck, I still don’t get why Xcode isn’t recognizing my CGPoint to place the UIView for the picture-book text, unless the CATextLayer isn’t accepting the NSAttributedString as given.

@¡Andrew!: scary math requirements

Really? Good thing my degrees are in journalism and philosophy…

I’ve been at this almost twenty years now, and while it helps to be severely anal-retentive, programming websites and apps requires little more than basic arithmetic and rudimentary logic.

Unless you’re trying to figure out the angle (from bottom-center) for dragging a virtual bobblehead with your finger, which then needs to be translated into iOS-friendly radians. But that’s why the Good Lord created (a) Google searches, and (b) Stack Overflow answers.

@geek yappers: remember that kid I bore? And gave birth to? He’s finished his philosophy minor and is taking discrete mathematics, whatever the hell that is, for his computer science major. His math textbooks are almost as expensive as my casebooks were. He’s taking calc I as well. Calc I was as far as I went before I was like, “I really don’t think I deserved that A. Let’s try humanities.”

I’m incredibly envious that he can do both, that he’s fucking smarter than me, and he can get all pedantic and shit when all I want to do is daydream. Tables turned.

@JNOV: I forget whether I drew the line at Calc or Trig. But it was one of them. In high school. Upon which I found something else to do.

@Andrew: See what’s going on at SSA. Yes, the gubmimt can suck, but there are a lot of jobs round these parts b/c of the GSA complex. Also the VBA hires like crazy bc of all if the bases here. Someone has to handle the fucked up bidding processes and Ks that got my regional office moved to an unsat building SeaTac.

If you can stomach it, do a search on

@nojo: yeah. Maybe I was being lazy, but I got really tired of doing my homework in the tutor center all the time. I had to go step by step by step, repeat. Some folks can make intuitive leaps as soon as they see a problem, kinda like sizing up a room. I just see a problem.

Efffin library computer.

@Andrew – it’s .gov

Sitting here at the tutoring table looking like a loser because of the stupid neon blue t-shirt they make me wear because I don’t have any kids tonight.

Maybe it’s the t-shirt.


I’ve started to notice that “overqualified” seems to have been repurposed to mean “we’re only willing to pay n00b wages but want a experienced person, and you look like you’d figure that out and split ASAP”.

I just screwed up some poor kid learning linear equations. She taught me. I rawk!

@nojo: So, it turns out that rather than attempt to adjust the CGPoint of the CATextLayer within the UIView, I should have just adjusted the UIView’s CGRect for cleaner rendering and better positioning, especially when creating NSAttributedStrings on the fly for UIPageViewController.

Who wants to fuck me?

@nojo: Benedick hasn’t answered because he’s on his way to JFK.

@Mistress Cynica: So awesome!

@nojo: Stand by for Saint Valentine!

I’m wearing my Fuck-Me Birks, if that helps.

Wouldn’t you know. Finally noje let’s down his guard enough to crack the closet door and I’m ankle deep in musical theatre. In fact I’m preparing for a huge job I’m not going to get but still. Noje in birks – Happy Villagers. What next? The rumored John Edwards sex tape betrays Mr Trouser Rocket is a Titan?

Not that size matters. I’m more a back-rubs-walk-in-the-park-with-pugs-motel-wrestling kinda guy.

@Benedick: WHERE’S THE GODDAMNED TAPE? For science, such as.

Not that size matters. I’m more a back-rubs-walk-in-the-park-with-pugs-motel-wrestling kinda guy.

Uh huh. Yeah. Sure.

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