The State of Our Union is Fabulous

It’s time once again for our national celebration of Civic Calisthenics! Having endured dozens of them by now, that’s all we really remember about any of them — Aisle Hogs, Common Man Cameos, and Bouncy-Bouncy. (Well, plus the occasional Accusative from a Backbencher.) The ritual is so established, we swear you could set it to music.


With Cable still covering Dorner, and Anonymous threatening to hack the online feed, America might have to wait for the replay.

@nojo: CNN just announced that they will go split screen shortly, so that we can watch the cabin burn. Probably.

I haven’t heard this much clapping since I announced my last show at Brick By Brick.

“The basic bargain that built this country” was, um, slavery.

Who has “promise” in their drinking game?

I have “every time they clap”…. I’m beyond buzzed.

@mellbell: It’s Mardi Gras. The only drinking game is how much can you consume before midnight.

I’m chugging watered-down Makers Mark if Obama announces the iWatch.

Climate Change! Science! Oh my!

Black Eagle just said “science” – Mr. SFL is happy.

@Mistress Cynica: I am giving up vodka and white wine for Lent, as part of a larger decision to give up/reduce greatly my intake of refined sugars and sodium. Also means I’m giving up bacon, salami, cured meats, and all non-wheat bread.

We’ll see how long this lasts. I better lose at least 15 fucking pounds out of this.

@SanFranLefty: But we can still order red Saturday night, right?

@SanFranLefty: I’m giving up meat. I’d give up alcohol, too, but there’s a trip to NOLA in the pipeline.

Trying to decide between Tomorrowland and Fantasyland.

What’s up with Chuck & Plugz’s ties? Monochromatic does not work. Meanwhile, to quote a friend of mine on the Book of Faces: Boehner just lit a Marlboro.

@Mistress Cynica: We are not barbarians or insane. Well, somewhat insane, but in a good way. Of course we will order red. One double martini equals one bottle of red, verdad?

@mellbell: Meat, now that’s hard-core. I’m freaking out about giving up cured meats for sodium purposes. And I’m not even Catholic. I just started freaking out when I realized I could feel my blood pressure going up and down, and I would like to lose some weight.

Meanwhile, scientist Mr. SFL is jizzing over Black Eagle going on about infrastructure and science/technology education.

@SanFranLefty: I’m pretty much down to salmon and turkey with occasional chicken as it is, but yeah. I’m, as my mom would say, “culturally Catholic,” so Lent still has some draw for me.

Boehner scratched his ass and then blew his nose. what an asshole.

Barry should turn around and wave a Camel in front of him, and then tell him “I’m going to talk another hour, beee-yutch!”

OK, I’ve had a little whisky, but “they deserve a vote” made me cry.

Plugz is verklempt, I am verklempt on gun control.

And roll out the 102 year old woman voting.

I’m weeping.

Well done, Unicorn, well done.

And now the bloody cop with 12 bullet wounds.

102-year-old voters are fucking awesome.

@Mistress Cynica: I had a martini, but that 102 year old woman will haunt me.

Oh dear, Shelley, I’m not sure “sparkly” was the way to go for SOTU.

Unicorn totally should have shouted, “And I’m around for another 3 years, mothafuckazzz” and dropped the mike.

@Mistress Cynica: Did Beyonce’s gheyz dress her? Bless her heart.

I jumped when Boehner banged the gavel. I was seriously scared for a second. How bad is that?

What I loved about the 102-year-old voter was how everybody craned their necks to get a look at her. I don’t recall moments like that in the past.

Daffy Duck is delivering the Republican response.

So the Republics get 2 responses–Rubio and the Teabaggers each get their say. BTW that mean ol’ Unicorn hurt Rube’s feelings.

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Rubio said everything will be fine and dandy if we just get back to sustained four percent growth, which we have had only once in the last twenty-five years, right before the dot-com bubble burst.

Once again the Leader of the Free World shows us what it means to wear a tie. He moved from the ice-blue, somewhat glacée finish of the Inauguration to a softer, richer powder blue with an exquisitely understated textured pattern that bespoke assurance and taste. The knot perfectly shaped and scaled to his collar which was, as we’ve come to expect from him, perfectly fitted. Perhaps for next year he might mention to the vice-president that just because an aide gave you a tie does not mean you have to wear it. Cunning of Boehner to pick a salmon pink that matched his eyes but a shapeless knot and how much water do we really need to drink in an hour? Unless of course it was Tito’s.

And wow, when he went for the big finish did he ever do well.

@mellbell: I like how he blamed the Crash on government housing programs. That’s an old line.

@Benedick: Boehner’s tie is designed to be immediately loosened upon seating at the bar.

My favorite reaction to Rubio’s rebuttal: “He turned water into whine.”


Sharpton just got in a good burn about Rubio having the wrong day and venue, because amateur night (at the Apollo, bien sûr) is on Wednesday.

Ugh, I can’t be arsed to watch this, I just got Dead Space 3. Highlights?

@nojo: Oh. Thank goodness. You can eat off a pony for months if you’re careful.

It’ll be interesting to see the impact on for-profit colleges of the proposal to “change the Higher Education Act, so that affordability and value are included in determining which colleges receive certain types of federal aid.” They’re terrified of that kind of accountability. (Transcript here, BTW.)

@nojo: Pareene had the same reaction:





And don’t fucking ruin it for me watching 3 hours behind. I switched to the Sporting Group as soon as they showed Rand Paul’s twitchy eyebrows and Rubio’s sweaty brow/palms. Give me a fluffy Bichon Frise or give me death by the GOP.

@SanFranLefty: Bernese Mountain Dog! Swiss Mountain Dog! Oh My Fucking Dog! Let’s go Gus, Swiss Mountain Dog!

@SanFranLefty: I lurve Bernese Mountain Dogs. Was one in the running for Best in Show?

Tweety voted for Shrub? Why doesn’t that surprise me as much as it should?

@mellbell: I’m watching Sporting Group. And they just introduced the Portuguese Water Dog who had the most ridiculous Poodle haircut compared to Bo. The very Best in Show commentators noted that if Shelley Oh were handling Bo for the best PWD, she and Bo would when Best in Group. Errr, duh!! As Flying Chainsaw, Dodger, and I have our heads explode at the thought of Shelley Oh! running around MSG with Bo on a leash.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Tell Thor to get his ass off the couch and go run around. Are you watching the Show on USA Network? Any dog lover has to watch and turn to their dog and say “You could totally do that” or in my case “Why aren’t you in the WKC, crazy mutt?”

I skipped the show expecting to read how we are doing on the news this morning. When I pulled up the Google’s news, I had to do a search to find a linque to the story. It just wasn’t one of their top stories today. How weird is that?

@nojo: My gramma was 107 when she died, never missed an election. She didn’t even get a shoutout from that friggin fat weatherman, let alone a SOTU appearance.

Folks actually give stuff up for invented magical purposes?

TJ/ That Brooke Sheilds retro sunglasses commercial makes me wish I were straight while it is on. She is just that hot.

Dragged my tired ass to the gym last night, missed the speech and the Drinky Clown’s reaction. Read the Bar Bulletin, did my expenses and watched Dan Patrick interview models from the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue instead of the post-game analysis.

Also, we had a zombie alert down in SE New Mexico, aka “Little Texas.”

NM Public Defender’s Office said keeping guns out of the hands of felons would be a pain in the ass: “People who steal firearms or who carry them while running from the law would face more jail time under a bill moved forward Tuesday – but (a) representative of the Public Defender Department and others told the committee they worry that the bill will send more people to trial, increasing the cost to the criminal justice system.”

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing:

Just as Ray Gillette of the TV Show Archer once said, “Nobody’s that gay.”

GOP darling NM Gov. Susana Martinez (often mentioned as a future VP pick) is down with universal background checks for gun purchases:

@ManchuCandidate: I’ve seen Aisha Tyler in person on Stephanie Miller’s Sexy Liberal Comedy Tour.

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