Steal This Election!

Obama 303-220, sez the electoral-vote site I’ve been following since 2008. We’ll see how that plays out.

Fuck. Have to remain sober another couple hours, in case a client emails with a chore.

I predict*:

1. The day after Obama wins, some republican pundit will announce that this is the “WORST SECOND TERM EVER IN THE HISTORY OF ALL PRESIDENTIAL SECOND TERMS.”

2. Obama will win

3. Romney will lose, and during his concession speech, will so royally blow it that he will be seen as a sore loser and racist… and STILL not committed to anything of substance. But he’ll have a plan.

4. Ryan will resume campaigning for House seat, or whatever the hell he’s running for, and not give a flying rat’s ass.

5. Fox News will be in denial throughout the evening, calling it for Romney even after everyone else calls it for Obama.

6. Roger Ailes will choke on a ham sandwich.

*Standard disclaimer: I am not, nor have I ever been, associated with Nostrodamus or any present day Seer or organization related to extra sensory perception. All predictions herewith are for entertainment purposes. Giggity.

@Targa: Make #6 pay-per-view, and I’m in.

@Targa:
My take is that Faux will be the first to proclaim the “Obamer STOLE THE ERECTION!”

They’re playing jazz — real jazz — at Romney HQ. In the spirit of bipartisanship, that’s one thing I like about him. Probably won’t reach two.

Reporting in from 30,000 feet. Travel really brings out the misanthrope in me.

Your first Pants-Shitting Moment of the evening is due in a few minutes.

Ha! Fox News pundit said, “There’s a cash bar here just in case.”

Just in case.

Add: She was referring to Romney HQ.

Is Kentucky already Red? It’s usually one of the first, if not the first state in the Repub column. Senator Mitch has really sold a bill of goods to the commonwealth while pocketing cash from EVERYBODY.

@Dave H: Kentucky and Indiana, out of the gate.

Still getting Team Obama emails. They’re leaving nothing on the table.

@ManchuCandidate:

Good call. They’re pretty much running that story already.

From the Guardian: “CNN and Fox News both won’t call South Carolina. Hello, are you insane? I’m calling it for the Republican candidate right now – for the 2016 and 2020 elections as well.”
Ok, nasty turbulence.

Lou Dobbs is a douchebag.
Fox is suggesting that the response to Sandy was worse than Katrina because some folks in New Jersey still don’t have electricity.

I am now officially drinking.

Add: I think Fox News is preparing their after-election-Romney-lost talking points. So, they’re mentioning the economy, Sandy, Benghazi (sp?), Bush’s fault, etc.

@Targa: Change #6 to “Roger Ailes electrocuted on live television; smoking corpse proclaims Obama a muslim communist” and fuchsia glitter will erupt from the Heavens.

@nojo: Just heard from Michelle.

@Dodgerblue: Ana Marie Cox got a text message.

I’m worried about Rev. Al Sharpton. He looks WAY too skinny.

This is fucking INSANE!!! Florida is bouncing back 49/50 –> 50/49….

I know there are less than 1% precincts reporting and I should pay no heed… but it’s tough.

This is going to be an agonizing night.

Chicago Bureau reports he’s heading to Obama HQ. Tonight’s gonna be fun!

@Targa: I had the very same thought. Rachel is talking so fast that my head hurts.

@Targa: Al lost weight for his TV gig. It’s the Fat Al photos that look funny now.

I’m concerned about Rachel Maddow’s makeup. I mean, good God. The eyes. She is not Elizabeth Taylor. We’re not remaking Cleopatra. Does Tom Ford need to stage an intervention?

Targa’s my kinda guy.

Obama is up in Fla. Says my wife: “Old Jews vote early.”

Obama’s killing Mitt in NH, one of the tossup states that Rove handed to Romney in his presentation.

…I know, I know… less than 1% reporting… stilll….

So, who’s announced their candidacy for 2016 so far? There’s no time to waste, plus a lot of television channels who (corporations are people, right?) need some political action pronto.

@Dodgerblue: Where did Rachel learn that pace? She’s from SF, not Brooklyn.

about to pour my second vodka tonic.

oh man.

GOP is going to fucking steal Florida and Ohio. I feel it in my bones.

@Serolf Divad: Has NH budged from the midnight 28-14 tally?

@Dave H: Presumed 2016 candidates include everybody speaking at the GOP convention.

@SanFranLefty: Obama can afford to lose both, although the night will be over much more quickly if he at least splits them.

CB can’t easily post comments, but he’s tweeting (link in sidebar) from Obama HQ. Doors open in an hour.

Virginia is crazy for Mitt right, now but it’s one of those states that swings wildly because the lower part is zombie redneck country and the upper part is civilized.

FLA, is basically tied with a slim edge for Obama. Someone remind me how FLA goes? I suspect that the redneck panhandle reports later than the rest, so it may not be that rosy a picture for Obama. But I’m not sure about this.

@Benedick: Dammit! Now she looks like a pink hot mess to me.

Just went to the old folks center on 73rd to vote, and there was no line. Heard one worker ask to see a woman’s ID – she had one or I would have gotten involved.

@SanFranLefty: My VT contains Titos vodka … you?

@Serolf Divad: In terms of the map — had to take a screenshot because the site’s slow as molasses — Florida leans red, Virginia leans blue.

Me, I’m keeping an eye out for states that thwart predictions. Nothing yet.

@Serolf Divad: I think the panhandle reports later. Not sure why.

Florida: Obama 52%; Romney 48%.
36% votes in.

@blogenfreude: Tito’s is my vodka of choice, but I’m hanging with the gheyz tonight and they’re classy and serve Belvedere.

This is my first time voting in the state of Missouri. I don’t know how Missouri usually swings, but from my short 6 months here, I would hope they lean Democratic.

@Targa: Florida goes blue, game over. That’s been my best-case scenario. (Worst case: Waiting on Nevada.)

@Targa: Likely red. Sorry.

@SanFranLefty: Tito’s … American made and tasty!

All the banjo states are going for Romney.

@Targa: Often referred to here as the pig-fucking states.

And with the latest batch, no deviations from the EV map.

@nojo:

Oh yeah. If FL goes Dem then I’m going to sleep as soon as it’s announced (or tuning in to Fox to gloat).

With 11% votes in, Obama’s ahead. That’s got to be a sign of something… good for team Democrat, anyway.

@Serolf Divad: And then there’s the Senate. Projected to remain blue, but Dems might hold 51-55 seats.

CNN reporting that Team Romney has given up on Ohio. We’ll see.

This just in: Fox News showcasing old white guys.

@SanFranLefty: @blogenfreude:Titos’ Texas made.Corn based. Gluten free!My favorite!

I got a free 1/2 gallon when I complained to the corporate headquarters of local liquor company that I caught assistant manager making rude gestures behind my back. Wasted it on first debate.

Too early to get worried, right?

Five o’clock? No client emails? [SFX: Beer popping open.]

@Tommmcatt May Just Have Some MJ In His System As Well, So What?: Wayyyyy too early. No problems yet, undependable indications looking good.

@Tommmcatt May Just Have Some MJ In His System As Well, So What?: Also: On schedule = Obama landslide. I’m keeping my eye on states that cross lines.

To fuck with this shit. Obama needs to send out a Predator and take this piece of shit the fuck out.

@nojo: Kids still awake, I’m a study in controlled sobriety. Cuban rum awaits, however.

Weigel tweets that Ohio Romney boss is giving a “sober” thank-you speech to volunteers. Bear in mind: Anecdote, not projection.

@FlyingChainSaw: Did you hear that Talibunny was Robo-calling Nabisco/Beggars Biscuit?

@texrednface: One of my best friends in the world is a long-time Austinite whose dad was a UT prof and she seems to know everyone in Travis County, including the family that makes Tito’s. That is nice.

CBS reports Ohio “leaning” to Obama.

Charlie Crist isn’t as tan as he used to be.

Okay, I have to say it: Chris Matthews’ tie is pink and periwinkle?
This concludes my 2012 neckware commentary.

@Targa: Plouffe is a big ‘mo, he has a purty tie.

@SanFranLefty: Fluffy is? Maybe I should stop calling him Fluffy…

Ken Langone, Home Depot co-founder is an old codger that has fallen for the teabagger meme. He’s nuts. I’m never walking into Home Depot ever again.

Just had to email the EV Map to Silent Creative Partner. He’s fretting about early Romney calls in Red states, and I’m explaining that they’re all expected.

DIE, ROMFUCK, DIE!

Twitter parody account of the night:

@DickMorrisTweet: #election2012 good that McMahon will lose in Connecticut. She’s a Republican but should not be in the Senate

Oh, wait. It’s real.

@Targa: Went to college with his equally dickish son. Elder needed all his money to pay off the trustees to keep his ass enrolled. Had the best drugs, tho…

And Linda McMahon goes down in flames in CT.

Teabagg Texas elects Canadian born Cuban, son of Castro Communist to replace Senator Kay Baily the Hut.

@blogenfreude:

I’m picturing one of the WWF moves where the one wrestler throws the other against the ropes, then holds out his arm and clips him at the chest as he bounces back.

Anybody know what’s happening with the Massachusetts senate race? I have all my fingers crossed!

Latest projections: No surprises, still on track.

@karen marie still has her eyes tight shut: EW in the lead, without the urban votes. Politico has the county-by-county breakdown:

http://www.politico.com/2012-election/results/president/massachusetts/

And Blowjob Bob keeps his NJ Senate seat.

@karen marie still has her eyes tight shut: NBC called it for EW, according to the twitters

@SanFranLefty: Lux Mentis sez NBC just called Warren. Nothing on MSNBC yet.

Elizabeth Warren takes Massachusetts Senate seat! w00t!

@nojo: George Allen back in the Senate isn’t on track, IMO.

I’ve now got Cspan on livestream, which is helping (?).

http://www.c-span.org/Election/

Wow, just look at North Carolina. Romney’s ahead by just 1 point with 35% of the vote counted. Seriously, the GOP’s long term prospects are bleak if that’s the best they can do with NC.

iPad down to 26% battery, baby screeching, nerves frayed, no more drinks cart, still 2 hours from pdx. In. Hell.

@SanFranLefty:

Please God I care about that one almost as much as the Presidential race. Scott Brown doesn’t fucking deserve MA.

@Serolf Divad: The look on Wolf’s face as the numbers change – as he’s reporting on them – is priceless.

@Mistress Cynica: Xanax?

@Serolf Divad: I care more about Claire McCaskill than EW. But if we got Tammy Baldwin, McCaskill, and Warren, that would be a trifecta of fabulousness.

@Mistress Cynica: I still don’t understand – you have wifi on board? I’m jealous…

DIE, BROWNFUCK, DIE!

McCaskill is crushing Akin’s balls, Hehehehe

PA blue, as polled. Fuck you, Mitt.

Killer Quakers stomp Son O’ Xenu Romney’s balls.

DIE, ROMFUCK, DIE!

@nojo: 78% in in FL, Unicorn 1,000 votes up. Oy fucking vey.

@FlyingChainSaw: Now I have vodka all over my keyboard. Where are you reporting from? Macau? Brazil? Singapore? DC? Chicago with Unicorn, Flippin, and Chicago Bureau?

Lefto, you should use a mild detergent like Simple Green. Vodka is not a very effective solvent.

Reporting from the Castle, as ever, manning the barricades for freedom and justice.

@Beggars Biscuit: domestic flight from Chicago to Portland. Nada on London to Chicago flight.

@SanFranLefty: Remember, Florida’s already red on the map. Nothing to fret about — either it votes as polled, or Obama checkmates Mitt early.

Race tightening up in VA as Obama’s NOVA strongholds are counted.

And yes, Florida is un-fucking-believable.

That’s why the GOP does voter suppression in Florida, because even a few thousand denied votes is enough to throw the election their way.

Get in yo’ fucking pick up truck, Scottie, and drive your ass back to cover model oblivion!! ELIZABETH WARREN IN DA HOUSE!

Lizzy should accept Brownfucks concession while she is taking a shit on his front lawn.

@Beggars Biscuit: All I care about the Senate is 51-49. And then God calling Scalia home.

Nearly half the vote counted in NC and Romney is ahead by just 60K votes. The GOP better do some serious re-thinking if they want to stay relevant.

@nojo: Scalia. There’s a guy that should choke on a ham sandwich.

@FlyingChainSaw: Dull as a doorknob Casey won his seat, and Philly forgot about the awful sports teams there long enough to go heavy for Black Eagle. Steelworkers stomping toes in Allegheny County, but the outer Philly burbs are still a tossup.

Wolf is hyperventilating over Florida – which may not matter if CO, OH and PA all hold.

Everyone’s giving PA to Obama, even Fox. That’s good news. Shows the election playing out pretty much as planned.

NO CALL ON WARREN AND BALDWIN.

@SanFranLefty: Tito’s.

@Targa: Can we make HamSam Choking a reality show? Like, one every week? Large pool to draw from.

@Serolf Divad: Still no variations from the EV polling map. Which is good.

I’m such a bank geek, I haven’t been following Casey’s run. I just want Lizzy to show up in the Senate and start demanding the OCC stuff the bankers in fucking jail and wipes her ass with the SEC and beheads everyone who ever worked on Wall Street and shits down the wet bloody holes.

Tammy Duckworth up 55%. Go pick up some dog poo, Joe Walsh!

I am waiting for special forces buddies of Tammie D to show up and rip Walsh’s arms off and beat him to death with the ends.

DIE, WALSHFUCK, DIE!

Regarding the EV Map, only NC is an outright tie. Everything else is shaded blue or red (to varying degrees), leading to 303-220 Obama. All projections are on track.

@nojo:

Sully is saying the Warren call was premature. Fuck. Here’s hoping it turns out to be right.

WARREN CALL NOW OFFICIAL.

@Targa: Or a corndog. Maybe sweet Italian sausage. Just not ham

Sullfuck is a piece of shit and Lizzy ought to stuff her fist down his throat and rip out his liver and beat a banker to death it.

@Serolf Divad: “Rogue Tweet” is the explanation. But all’s well.

LIZZY KILL BANKERS!LIZZY KILL BANKERS!LIZZY KILL BANKERS!LIZZY KILL BANKERS!LIZZY KILL BANKERS!LIZZY KILL BANKERS!LIZZY KILL BANKERS!LIZZY KILL BANKERS!LIZZY KILL BANKERS!LIZZY KILL BANKERS!LIZZY KILL BANKERS!LIZZY KILL BANKERS! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!

@DElurker: Now that you mention it, choking on a corndog would be highly appropriate.

FUCK YOU MURDOCK! GUESS IT WAS GOD’S WILL THAT YOU GET FUCKED OVER!

@FlyingChainSaw: She may be hiring a Chief of Staff.

Nate is looking good.

FB is saying Obama has Wisconsin but Cspan is showing Rmoney in the lead. Anyone know?

Stuck in one conference for next hour. Thank you folks for the updates.

Ha, ha, ha! The Teabaggers are costing the Repubs some senate seats!

FOX CALLS BALDWIN. RESUME PARTYING.

@nojo: Patron anejo, hombre.

@SanFranLefty: I’ll drive the truck if she handles the Gatling gun while we cruise up Wall and Broad streets. Shoot them all! Kill. Lizzy, Kill!

@karen marie still has her eyes tight shut: Calls are based on exit polling and such, so a mismatch with ongoing counts is not unusual.

Wisconsin AFL-CIO calling Wisconsin for Obama.

Grayson will be back in the house for Florida. Fun fun on the floor.

@Dodgerblue: ron añejo, compadre. Habana Club, to be precise.

Wow, 87% reporting and Obama is ahead by 40,000 in Florida. If Florida is called for Obama, it’s game over.

Claire McCaskill FTW!!!! (Says NBC)

Claire McCaskill – legitimately WON over that FUCKTARD!!

@FlyingChainSaw: Lizzie Warren got an axe/busted banks with forty whacks.

Holy shit, why is Cspan telling me Thompson has a significant lead over Tammy Baldwin?

@karen marie still has her eyes tight shut: Just to confirm, MSNBC has called Wisconsin blue as well.

West Coast polls close in 45 min, not that there is much doubt.

Fox called Baldwin, MSNBC hasn’t.

@Beggars Biscuit: Kill, Lizzy, Kill!

@karen marie still has her eyes tight shut: If C-Span is just reporting counts, they’re not much help. Florida is “close”, for example, but the vast majority of outstanding ballots are in blue areas.

@Dodgerblue: I cannot wait until the Cali Hammer GOES BOOM on the EV and Shelley Oh can come out within 15 minutes with her outfit.

@nojo: All the ghey groups are calling her.

@nojo: Isn’t panhandle military? That would be red. One county still at zero reporting.

Breaking: David Brooks going on record with “Indian-Americans in the bag for Obama”. Stand down, RML, he means the other ones.

I’m going to take Lucy for a walk. This better be over by the time I get back. I can only drink so much.

@Beggars Biscuit: CBS apparently called Kaine.

@DElurker: Yeah, Panhandle v. Broward, more or less.

@nojo: Miami-Dade only at 65% reported. Derosa at zero

@DElurker: Do we know relative outstanding ballots? TPM isn’t seeing the Romney math.

Scott Brown just conceded.

Obama has taken Washington DC 92% to Romney’s 7%!

Obama’s out-performing his 2008 vote in many Florida counties.

And Akin is legitimately conceding.

@nojo: I’m getting drinkier than data permits, but rly??

Meanwhile, ghey marriage is looking good.

@Beggars Biscuit: I just got slapped for posting too quickly. But I can’t be nearly as drunk as Diane Sawyer. Either that or she’s having a stroke on national Tee-Vee.

Live Daily Show/Colbert Report — including Left Coast and streaming — at the top of the hour. I have my priorities.

Todd Aiken just accused Barack Obama of murdering Ambassador Stevens. Intentionally letting him die when he could have been rescued.

@Beggars Biscuit: I’m getting that second-hand, since I’m sticking with MSNBC. Consistency over opportunism.

@nojo: Thanks for the heads up!

@SanFranLefty: I think I’d just go steady, at least until the rum wears off.

Oh wait…

@Beggars Biscuit: Vodka tonic #5 being made now.

@Serolf Divad: Just saw his “concession” speech. The man is shameless and shows a distinct lack of class, civility in losing, and grace. They cut away as he was prattling on, but I don’t think I heard him congratulate McCaskill. Such a doucher.

North Carolina is actually a closer race than Virginia. Meanwhile, in South Carolina Romney is ahead by 5 points. Pretty amazing. VA and NC could soon be lean-Democratic states.

@Beggars Biscuit: MSNBC calls Kaine.

Holy Fuck! George Allen falls in VA! Hell YES!

@nojo: @nojo: wait – Kane/AG in PA or KaineSenator in VA? The former has apparently won, which means the Governor may yet fall under the Sandusky bus.

Is 2013 shaping up to be the year of retribution, or what?

OK, John Stewart taaaayyyymmme!

Not-Joe the Not-plumber is out. Ooh, more delicious tears!

Stewart just called Florida a clusterfuck… no beep, because they’re live LOL.

McCaskill speaking now.

DIE, ALLENFUCK, DIE!

@Serolf Divad: No audible beep, but whoever’s cutting the audio has a fast trigger finger.

@Beggars Biscuit: Kaine VA.

Meanwhile, NC red doesn’t affect the map. It was a straight tie going in.

@Serolf Divad: I liked that

ADD: @nojo: that too

Where are we in Ohio?

Wow, I just saw a VW commercial with a guy in a suit rocking out to Rush’s “Fly By Night” while sitting in his Passat.

That was… like… surreal.

LOL: John Stewart “Claire McCaskill has legitimately raped Todd Aiken.”

J Stew just stole Lefty’s “legitimate rape” joke in re Akin

Lizzy needs to issue a writ of Attainder for Brownfuck to have him thrown from a clock tower. You know, to get in shape for the bankster inquisition.

It may legitimate but the only just rape would be to tear Aiken’s head from his shoulders and have 10,000 of your best friends pull a train on the sodden, bloody stump. DIE, AIKENFUCK, DIE!

NBC calls the election for Obama!

They always call Obama wins during the live Daily Show.

Can’t wait to see Shelly Oh’s dress! Flippin eck better get some good shots!

Fuck! Fox called it for Obama!

YAY!!!!

Now can we please get rid of the Richard Mourdock Hoosier Values ad?

@Dodgerblue: Will the RNC file injunctions to stay the college vote? If so, what will be their claims? Given the fact that Republican appointed judges are barking psychopaths with no real conscience or care for the law, does it matter?

Oh, you HAVE to watch the Romney hdqtrs feed from Cspan — sweet, sweet wingnut tears being shed!

This is too soon, too easy.

I know Obama is being triangulated for a head shot.

DIE, WINGNUT FUCKS, DIE!

@FlyingChainSaw: Let’s see if Mitt concedes.

Sorry, John Stewart, sorry Rachel Maddow but I’ve got to tune in to see Fox News reporters seethe.

I’m traveling to Texas this weekend on business…. can’t wait to chat with my “friends” on the other side of the aisle. Do you smell that?
Smells like victory!!!

50/50 Koch Brothers are prepping suicide bombers they’ve recruited from the teabaggers and whose operatives have twisted their minds with racist propaganda, meth and Jack.

Rove and company are still trying to hold on to some hope. But Virginia is narrowing, and it looks like Obama might pull that off, and Florida is still looking good for Obama.

Rove is sounding desperate.

@Dodgerblue: He won’t. THat’s the plan. He points to ‘crimes against our democratic process’ and flies to DC to demand that Obama confess, surrender the White House and place himself in the custody of ICE. When that doens’t work, the RNC will press claims in a dozen states and Fox will demand all white Americans arm themselves for full bore race war.

Call Rove and tell him it really is that bad and he should blow his brains out on TV – but only after he confesses all his crimes and turns in his co-conspirators.

Karl Cameron looks even more skeletal than usual.

Obama has pulled ahead in VA… FUCK YEAH!

Eliz Warren Victory Speech!

@Dodgerblue: Twitters say Mitt’s not conceding yet. Hooooo-boy!

God, these Fox guys are going to personally dispute the election. They are fucking nutcases. I’ve never seen anything like this.

@karen marie still has her eyes tight shut: Did she file the writ of attainder yet?

An article that claims Bruce Springsteen won the election for Barack Obama:

http://campaignstops.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/06/e-day/#Egan

too cute by half, but still an amusing read.

@Targa: It’s part of the plan. Likely, a lot of the riffs they are reciting now will be in suits filed by the RNC tomorrow.

Megan Kelly on Fox has just walked the cameras down to the Fox number crunchers to get them to explain their fucking shit.

Fox calls Ohio for Obama. Karl Rove disputes. All hell breaks loose. Rove insistent…. another Ailes newsworthy extravaganza to allay the tears of the loyal cons.

In Maryland marriage equality is ahead by 1.5% with 60% of precincts reporting. It’s still agonizingly close, though.

California for Obama!

Oh, and Fox was earlier suggesting that the people didn’t vote FOR Obama, but against the MODERATE Romney. LOL. Hay soos!

That piece of shit Romney is a loser fascist scumfuck like his scumsucking financial crimes lord dad.

I’m still sticking with Colbert, but I’m presuming that thousands of YouTube Fox videos are being uploaded this moment.

Andrew Sullivan is going nuts on Colbert.

@Targa:

I would eat my shoe if they said anything else.

@Serolf Divad: Posted the FOX banner on FB before I saw Rove walking it back. And then noticed – they made him darker on their web page.

@Serolf Divad: He suicidal that the fascist scumfuck Romney lost?

Look like the Dream Act is going to win in Maryland, horray!

Switching to Fox the moment Colbert wraps up. Apparently Turdblossom’s still at it.

Some poor unfortunate elderly woman calling Cspan on the Republican line, almost hysterical, insisting that Ohio hadn’t been counted yet and why was everyone lying about Obama winning reelection. It was very sad, and sobering.

What time will Obama speak, do you suppose?

The New York Times is giving Virginia to Obama.

@karen marie still has her eyes tight shut: 11:20 CST because the girls have to go to school tomorrow.

@karen marie still has her eyes tight shut: As soon as Romney accepts his loss and phones the President…

“‏@digby56 Gergen says Romney has to have a rationale in half an hour for why he won’t concede.”

No concession yet. This is delicious.

Shows you what a douchebag Romney really is… holding out hoping to change the result using The Force, or something.

Breaking: Flippin sighting on FOX News. Check the book of faces…

@Targa: I think he’s just pushing Barry’s speech well beyond midnight.

@Beggars Biscuit: That was SO. FUCKING. AWESOME. to see her!

@nojo: Why does Romeny hate little girls who have soccer practice tomorrow morning?

I want to see the Romney clan crying. NOW!!!!! Cry Romneys! Cry!

What do we want?
Concession Speech!

When do we want it?
Now!!

I’m happy for Jay Pharoah. He gets 4 more years on SNL for sure, and can dump that louse Denzel impersonation.

Fox: Obama 290-203 so far. I lost track of the Map during Daily/Colbert, but it seems like every state is falling as predicted. (NC was a straight tie.)

@Targa: Good for Jay, but jeezus SNL needs new writers.

So what’s everyone doing during the race war tomorrow?

@nojo: Yup. It’s a bit painful to watch, but I tune in every week. There are still some nuggets of greatness… but there is no consistency.

Just received another Obama fundraising email.

@¡Andrew!: I’m armed to the teeth, so I’m not worried.

Chris Jansing looks like she’s getting ready to break out in a song and dance routine with that Britney Spears microphone on her face.

Nate Silver is one smart motherfucker.

Suck it pundits. Suck it Unscrewedpolls guy. Suck it delusional GOPers.

NYT calls VA blue. EV predictions intact.

Colorado governor: “Don’t pull out the Cheetos and Goldfish too quickly.”

Rove: “The President needs to be the first one to compromise.” Turdblossom’s back, baby!

Fox: No Mitt concession speech for an hour.

ADD: MSNBC sez concession speech in ten minutes.

Romney in 10 minutes.

Could Candy Crowley smirk any more as she waits for Romney’s concession speech.

GHEYZ WIN, MOTHA-FUCKAHS!

@nojo:
Can’t even lose with dignity?

@ManchuCandidate: Of course not. OMG could there be any more American flags on Mitten’s stage?

Comedy Central sucks for having only one hour of “live”coverage and not actually covering the election. Have to deal with CNN douches and the spiders crawling on Rachel Maddow’s eyes on MSNBC.

Not to piss on your parade or anything, but I thought y’all should know that Arpaio was reelected.

Okay, checked the results against electoral-vote.com, which I used in 2008 and this year. Perfect. Fucking. Match. Sorry, Nate. Simple poll averaging works for me.

What’s up with Romney’s tie? Was Ann trying to choke him with it?

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Believe me I heard/saw that. And Carmona lost. And Prop 30 and 34 are going down, so we’ll keep killing innocent people and keep not educating our kids.

In good news, it looks like insufferable New York Times wedding announcements for the gheyz can come from 4 more states.

That was a nothing of a concession speech. Did someone write that 5 minutes ago?

Mitt reads faster than Joe Isuzu.

We waited two fucking hours for that?

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: It could have been way worse.

Oh, shit, that nut West lost!

@SanFranLefty: True. I just didn’t expect something so rote and perfunctory. There was no statement, just bullet points.

@karen marie still has her eyes tight shut: Is that confirmed? I know it’s been close.

Wot an uplifting experience. Wanted to stay up for our brilliant president’s acceptance speech but the pugs say no.

Let me just state that the fact that the Democrats weren’t entirely crushed by the Adelson/Koch ‘dark’ money and that the president has been re-elected is equal to Washington leading the troops across the river to raid the gay leather BDSM bar in Trenton.

I know. As if any self-respecting gay man would be in a bar in Trenton.

On the bright side, the judicial selection proposition here went down in flames. For those who are not familiar with it, it would have removed the state bar from the merit selection process and pretty much put the entire process in the governor’s hands.

@Benedick: I never bought the money fears — you can’t sell what people aren’t buying. Voter suppression was my only concern, and it didn’t have a substantial effect.

Scouring the crowd to spot Flippin’ and Chicago Bureau. They’re playing Bruce.

I think the ABC anchor people are all drunk. They’re making Jake Tapper look good.

The daughters are all grown up! Well, more grown up.

Fuck yeah! But no second dog or kitteh for the girls.

Plugz!!! And Bruce songs again

Plugz, the Happy Warrior. LOLZ!

Good speech. Good night.

I am now so beyond verklempt. look at this.

Look at where our country has come in FOUR FUCKING YEARS.

While I still think it’s horrifying that we are voting on others’ civil rights, how fucking amazing and awesome that tonight we had the following votes:

Maine – gay marriage – YES
Maryland – gay marriage – YES
Minnesota – ban gay marriage in our constitution – NO
Washington – affirm Legislature decision on gay marriage – YES

In another 15 or 20 years the homophobic asshats are going to look so fucking stupid. And tonight was a big night in getting that going.

@SanFranLefty: Totally surreal. (cyber-hugs and a high-five)

MSNBC just called Bachmann. Off to bed!

@SanFranLefty:

At first I missed that the Minnesota vote was a win for equality! Very good day!