Not Found in School Lockers Nationwide

The 9 Best Headlines From “Conservative Teen” Magazine [BuzzFeed]

“Whatchu taking ’bout Ronnie?”

I preferred the “Science shows it’s better to wait bit.” Based on the rest of the GOP platform, that explains why their kids are fucking like bunnies before marriage – after all, we know them scientists are always wrong! ;)

Also, too, in the GOP’s defense, it’s gotta be hellishly difficult to find somebody in the party who’s interested in doing “youth outreach” without any “youth reach-around”…

@ManchuCandidate: Now I’m imagining a world where Ronald Reagan is a sitcom actor, and Conrad Bain is President.

This is the latest satire from the Objective: Ministries folks, right?

“These Aren’t Your Father’s Bowties (oh, wait… yes, they are).”

Unfortunate faux-pas on the part of this crew — no Maggie Gallagher centerfold. Poor.

How long until this thing folds? OTOH if it’s supported by wingnut welfare it’ll never go away, like fucking Heritage.

Wait. Whoa. How many sons did Ronnie have? Is this the one that almost went liberal?

@JNOVw00tah: Junior’s the moonbat. Michael’s the wingnut.

@nojo: I’ve been higher than a moonbat.

TJ/ I didn’t do it for the lulz. I clicked the Not MSNBC ad because the ad seemed interesting, but it was dumb. No lulz to be had, just butthurt.

@SanFranLefty: Ron Jr. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

@SanFranLefty: Ron Jr. Although I’d have to double-check the gay part.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Plus Rahm, plus a college roomie makes three. That’s all the straight ballet dancers in America, right?

(Okay, native-born. Back off, Mikhail.)

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: I think we mean ‘male dancer’. (Clarification: you pack it in your dance belt so it points upwards. Think noon. I’ll be posting a video on youtube)

Michael’s adopted. Ron not. I figured he was gay but then I think that about everyone. If you know what I mean.

This publication seems like an excellent idea. I see it’s full of fresh new faces. I’m pitching a few ideas for stories:

Dating Daddy: How to Have Fun at Purity Balls.

Abstinence and You: Anal Doesn’t Count.

A Cheerleader’s Guide to Oral.

Going Greek: How to Snag That Frat Man.

How to Say No When Your Mouth is Full.

How to Hold a Penis.

Semen Stains: Quick Spot Removers.

If He Shoots in Your Eye Will You Go Blind? (Answer: Yes)

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