There’s been so much McLovin going on in Republican politics this past week, the only way to honor Super Tuesday is by getting our Super Freak on. So grab your fake ID and vote in our GOP Primary Open Thread/Sexy Party. It’s called fucking strategy, all right?


And with zero precincts reporting, nobody has shit.

Got your Republican voter fraud right here:

The husband of a campaign staffer for a Republican candidate for Senate in New Mexico is under investigation for allegedly committing a felony by registering the couple’s dog to vote as part of a stunt to show how easy it could be to commit voter registration fraud.

The anonymous man in the sweatshirt and hat playing with his Labrador Buddy in a local television piece? That’s Thomas Tolbert. He’s married to Heather Wade, a staffer for former Rep. Heather Wilson’s senate campaign, as first revealed by the liberal group ProgressNow NM.

Newt wins Georgia! Don’t act surprised.

On the other hand, Virginia and Vermont too close to call.

Mitt wins Virginia!

Against only Dr. Evol. Nobody else qualified for the ballot.

i’m in tennessee and it is an open primary. thought about voting for newt a few weeks ago. i’ve got 42 minutes left and the school where i vote is on the way home. frothy, ropaul, neutered or keep driving? should i go in and proudly announce loudly that i am a tea by god bagger and i want the official tea bagger ballot or i’m calling the law!? should i raise so much hell about it that i get tasered and make it on fox noise?

You can probably blame/credit me for the “skiing singles” ad. I did get to ski with my friend Snarky Indian Girl Lawyer on Sunday (the one here, not Jamie). I thought we were going to take some groomed fast cruiser run, but SIGL took me over to a black diamond bump run, which I actually enjoyed quite a lot, and I usually suck in the bumps. Had so much fun we did it twice.

@nojo: Time to baptize Washington, Jefferson and Lee!

Gotta go vote in a Santa Fe city council race and on some bond issues.

Nobody wins Ohio!

Well, not yet. We need a few “Too Close to Call” races to make things interesting.

@redmanlaw: Given that Anne Frank’s been Mormonized eight or nine times, they probably already have the Founders and Rebels covered.

@jwmcsame: Don’t bother getting tasered unless somebody else has an iPhone handy. No video, no sale.

Speaking of which, did you know Rodney King was tasered? Did you now that the WaPo dude who interviewed Sister Souljah (and inadvertently set off the controversy) was David Mills, who later wrote for The Wire and co-created Treme?

It’s Time-Warp Tuesday!

And while you’re awaiting returns, please enjoy our fine selection of gifs featuring Batman and Robin running away from shit.

Mitt wins Vermont! Chunky Monkey for everybody!

@redmanlaw: RevZafod will like the Batman-Lebowski mashup.

@nojo: Newt wins the state he “represented”? Well shut my mouth!

Just saw Ron Paul ranting about abolishing the Federal Reserve. You have to hand it to the guy, he is consistently unhinged.

@Dodgerblue: His caucus strategy has also netted him only eight delegates so far. You’re not going to crash a convention with numbers like that.

MSNBC has an ad for “Testosterone-Replacement Therapy” — with the weirdest warnings I’ve heard yet. Might have to chase that down.

Man, the CNN chattering panel is giving me a headache. Are the Knicks playing tonight?

Wake me when they put all four of them in an arena naked armed only with corkscrews and battery acid. This is my definition of a superb Tuesday.

CNN is interviewing Sarah Palin from Wasilla. She got rid of her bangs.

Frothy Mix wins Tennessee! Mittens still a massive failure in RebelLand!

@Dodgerblue: MSNBC may be just as annoying, but with fewer visual gimmicks.

And our first speakers of the evening are Newt & Mrs. Newt III.

Mrs. Newt III is an awful public speaker, in case you were wondering.

Newt declares that “analysts in Washington and New York” have been proven wrong — because he won his home state.

Other things that go back to August of 1958: Madonna.

Frothy wins Oklahoma! Mittens still a Deep South failure!

Newt’s railing against “Wall Street”. Faux populism is fun!

@nojo: All I heard: “A Gingrich presidency would be terrifying.”

Newt is really, really flat tonight. He’s not giving the speech of a winner. All he’s doing is justifying his candidacy.

The way Newt’s talking, I half expect him to quit.

I just dumped the dead fridge on the margin outside my house with a FREE sign on it. Should be gone in a day or two. I love the scrounger economy. Fortunately for everyone, I have no idea what you people are going on about, and I’m not stopping to figure it out. Hopefully they all lose. I like the “naked combat with corkscrews and battery acid” idea, but I’d pay not to see that.

Newt’s not quitting. He just sounds like a quitter.

Mrs. Newtie is steadfastly smiling and looking at him adoringly while he blathers. I admire her discipline.

20 pct of the vote counted in Ohio, Mitts is looking up Santorum’s rear.

@nojo: Actually I was wondering about Callista 2016.

Frothy: Obamacare is “the beginning of the end of freedom in America.”

How many people bitching about the Individual Mandate actually have to deal with it?

Standard Mittens election-night speech. Zzzzzz.

Mittens pitches his own website again. Don’t make me pay for my own campaign!

Ohio: 60% in, Frothy leading by 10k. I have no clue about who’s strong in late-reporting precincts.

Sully: “Romney outspent Santorum in Ohio by around 5 – 1.” Santorum’s still up by 2 points with 66% in.

70 pct in, Santorum leading by 15,000 misogynists.

In other news of the pathetic, some loser tried to ise my credit card number to buy $120 worth of crap from a Bed Bath & Beyond somewhere in Jersey, and got rejected. I mean, dude, at least go to a sporting goods store or something, give yourself a fighting chance.

FROTHY WINS… North Dakota. Sorry, Ohio’s still out.

@redmanlaw@nojo: Huh? Wha.. What’s going on?

I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.

Fun, fun, fun: Chuck Todd is saying Ohio might be a photo finish — which might trigger an automatic recount. Also, up to ten percent of the vote may remain uncounted after tonight.

On the other hand: It’s the urban areas that are reporting late, and urban areas are more prone to Mittens.

In spin terms, Frothy may win for not losing big. Mitt got very thin bragging rights for Michigan.

@Dodgerblue: Sorry dude – my old hamper was a wreck, and I needed sheets with better than 300 thread count. My bad.

@nojo: Never thought Ohio would be short enough sociopaths to push Santorum into first place.

MITTENS WINS… Idaho. Sorry, Ohio remains uncalled.

Nobody’s calling it yet, but late-reporting urban Ohio areas are breaking towards Mittens. Not decisive, but it’s been trending in his direction for some time.

TPM calculates the automatic-recount threshhold at 2k. Which would be really fun.

Michael Steele’s tie pattern is called” Guernsey.”

Watching Audra McDonald on last night’s Colbert. OMG.

93% in…

Mittens: 432,585
Frothy: 426,220
Newt: 167,858

Mitt should match Sheldon dollar-for-dollar.

Yet Newt is leading Frothy in the delegate count. Although the two of them combined still fall well short of Mittens.

96% in, Mitt up by 7k. If they’re not calling it, it might have something to do with the Mysterious Uncounted Votes that Chuck Todd mentioned. Absentees?

@blogenfreude: Kucinich may be done today.

Yup. Toast.

MSNBC panelists repeat “Sister Soujah Moment”, driving me to finish my beer prematurely.

However the term has evolved, Sister Souljah had no weight in Demrat politics compared to the power Rush wields today. Bubba snubbed her because she was easily snubbable.

Mitt wins Ohio! Off to bed, everybody!

The MSNBC guys were basically calling the GOP the Party of God tonight, and not in a good way.

@nojo: Get FlyingChainSaw a hanky, that means fewer spottings of the hawt ginger wife.

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