The Trees Are Alright

The Michigan State Tree is the Eastern White Pine. Its needles are three to five inches long, with five blue-green, slender needles per fascicle. A fascicle sheath is not present. Needles appear blue because of three or more lines of stomata. Its flower is Monoecious. Males are cylindrical, yellow, in clusters near branch tips; females are light green, tinged in red, at ends of branches. Cones are four to seven inches long, cylindrical, with thin, rounded cone scales, very resinous. It grows from 150 to 190 feet high. We hope you enjoy our GOP Primary Open Thread/Lumberjack Festival. Thank you.


Strap in: Most Michigan polls just closed, but the rest don’t close for another hour. And nobody cares about Arizona.

I’m not sure which is worse: Santorum Embed or Santorum Surrogate.

The real numbers are showing Dr Evol at 11 and Newtie at 7. They’re in for the long haul, and Newtie’s going to pick off Georgia, but can they realistically hang all the way to the end.

@chicago bureau: But is Newtie’s billionaire in it for the long haul? (So far: Yes.)

Meanwhile, Mike DeWine on MSNBC: “Santorum is really starting to catch fire.”

Romney supporter just called a Michigan win, based on exit polls. Actual count shows a virtual tie, with 20K votes apiece so far.

If Romney loses here, he’ll carry it around like Gore losing Tennessee in 2000.

@redmanlaw: Everybody’s predicting GOP pandemonium if Romney loses Michigan. One can only hope.

MSNBC calls Arizona for Romney. But everybody put that call in an envelope a week ago.

Rasmussen poll says Ron Paul leads Black Eagle head to head.

This says much more about Rasmussen’s fucked up methodology than the likelihood of Dr Evol ever hearing Hail To The Chief directed his way..

Rombot3000 opening up distance on Frothy. This might not be as close as advertised.

@Walking Still: Rasmussen’s good measuring Old White Wingnuts, if nothing else.

@chicago bureau: Up by 10K, even if nobody’s calling it yet. But I don’t know how county totals affect all this.

Exit polls are just SCREAMING Romney Win.

@chicago bureau: The Romney surrogate called it an hour ago, citing campaign exit polls. That’s a ballsy call, unless you really do have the numbers to back it up.

@nojo: Karl Rove agrees. Who are we to doubt?

So now we move to spin: Mitt’s up by 3 points. How clean a win does he need?

Well, Tweety’s excoriation of Mittens was excoriating.

40% in, no call. This means the announced results aren’t yet agreeing with the exit polls.

I’ll bet you: no/disproporiately-small UP exit pollers. Because COLD.

Where’s Chuck Todd? I wanna see what areas are under-reporting, or however that formula works.

Fox gave both Newtie and Evol big chances to blather. I’m not sure why. I will say that Newtie can give a speech. If he could better disguise how big a prick he is, he could be dangerous.

Evol is hitting the crank too hard.

Romney now 5 points up. He’ll get it done, I’m fairly sure.

50% in, no call. But Romney’s been leading the count for awhile.

TPM sez exit polls have Mitt by 3. Which helps explain the hesitation.

@nojo: Nah, it’s to string out the audience for more eyeballs on the ads.

My once-every-four-years exposure to Murdoch’s inferno is educational.

Who knew so many bullion dealers stayed loyal to Fox even after the purging of Beck?

@Walking Still: Goldline just signed a consent decree with the Feds, or something like that.

For me the big takeaway is who the hell thought it would be a good idea to make Rachel Maddow look like a drag queen. Blue eyeshadow? Really? And Elizabeth Ashley eyeliner? Dear God. OK. She can be mannish. Agreed. But the woman has a brain. She’s very good looking. Must we base her look on Lady Bunny? Unless we’re doing a retro-girlie irony thing here. In which case I say fire the entire make-up dept. How can I concentrate on what that Ed person is yelling if I have to be all WTF every time Rachel looks down?

Fox is now teasing an interview with Jan Brewer. That will drive me away.

How warped do you have to be to think that hearing Jan Brewer speak is a good thing – something that will make people watch your network?

@Benedick: Did you hear Brokaw be a good journalistic straddler and say that Dems have gone through extremist moments, too? Never mind that he had to reach back to McGovern to make the point.

@Walking Still: That’s how I felt watching her Arizona commercial during the last debate.

61% in, Mitt up by 21K, no call.

I’m glad I live on the Left Coast. Late evenings still end early.

Here we go: Oakland County’s not in yet. That’s the decider.

@Benedick: I much prefer the 12-year old boy styling. Reminds me of my twenties, when all the lesbians were trying to look like James Conlin, my junior high science class dissection partner.

Chuck Todd: Oakland County accounts for up to a quarter of the GOP vote. It’s also Romney turf. Romney won the absentees, but Santorum’s been surging among same-day voters.

So the Demrat/Kos/Union hijinx are not coming through for Il Santorum?

I gotta go early vote in our local city elections this week.

Breaking: Deschutes Obsidian Stout is very tasty.

@redmanlaw: The vote’s close enough where even minor hijinx could throw it.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: The white lesbians and the Hispanic lesbians didn’t seem to mix much back at Lobo U, except for one mixed couple that I can recall. No one in our scene brought up that one guy’s girlfriend was a lesbian the year before

@redmanlaw: I had a friend whose GF turned Meryl Streep on him, to drop a Manhattan reference.

Frothy’s up, hoping to his God that the race isn’t called during his speech.

@nojo: I’m about to pour a glass of good cheap Malbec while paying tribal taxes, listening to Raquel and checking in here and FB.

So Catlicks were going for Mitt? That’s a big Fuck You to Rick.

Frothy: “I love you back.” Next, he sings Al Green.

@nojo: Frothy steps to the podium. He’s giving Newtie a run for prick-of-the-field honors.

He almost sounded human in Iowa. Is the hubris kicking in?

@nojo: One of my friends dated at least two girls before they got their toaster ovens, so our line was “dude, you turned them gay.”

@nojo: God to Frothy: MSNBC calls it Mitt.

Frothy’s speaking to the room, not to the nation. Amateur.

@nojo: He’s got a daughter on the podium. Can we get a reprise of the classic 2006 concession speech photo?

I guess the trees are the right height in Michigan.

@Walking Still: Is it the one on the right? Same expression.

Fox interrupts Frothy’s speech to announce Mitt’s victory. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Okay, social issues don’t work. How about oil?

Will Mitt say that his victory makes him feel like a million bucks?

“Oil, a lubricant . . . drill . . . pipeline.”

Yes, everybody knows that government regulation is responsible for the historic decline in American manufacturing.

Frothy says he will repeal Obama’s regulations on day one. Guess he has never heard of the Administrative Procedures Act.

Frothy pitches Health Savings Accounts to a room full of unemployed Michiganders.

Memo to Frothy: Social Security is an entitlement program.

Somebody’s been eating warmed-over issues at the GOP buffet.

Once again the Stinquers brave the depths of despair that are the GOP primaries. Thanks for keeping an eye on things for those of us not so brave. This evening my wife and I watched the Star Trek remake, which I’m sure was much more entertaining.

Santorum offers “bottom-up solutions”.

Please, not everybody at once.

A bit fixated on “the bottom” isn’t he?

“Stiff solutions” get applied to the bottoms.

Mrs RML switched it over to The Biggest Loser. Has Santorum conceded yet?

“My God, my God – why hast thou forsaken me?”

@redmanlaw: Nope. He’s not running a reality based campaign.

@redmanlaw: Implicitly — he called Mitt before starting.

Aside from its mixture of lube and fecal matter, that speech was really flat.

@Walking Still: Apparently he called Mittbot to concede. He just didn’t let his drones in on the news.

Mitt’s up! Time to drop an awkward plutocrat reference and blow the evening!

Ann Romney can actually speak in public. Can she replace Mitt? Oops, she just gave Trump a shout-out. Never mind.

What a thrilling exercise in Democracy! Mitt clenches his butt cheeks to hold back the Santorum. Next up: is Ron Paul conspiring with Mittens to get his loathesome son the VP spot and is Gingrich staying in to hurt Santorum. Oh wait. Isn’t that the same thing?

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: James Conlin is an excellent style choice for today’s active lesbian. Rachel’s best look, in my opinion, is her scruffy teeshirt/jeans outfit, like she’s just back from pricing Sawsalls at Home Depot. Tonight I kept thinking that Joan Collins was going to storm the set to claim her long-lost daughter. Then we’d all have to suffer through an 80s style coming out scene which was not going to involve Harry Hamlin.

They found a black woman to be in the background. I hope she is well paid.

Gawker says Kid Rock (son of a car dealer, not actual trailer trash) endorsed Mitt in the Michigan race.

Obama, December 11:

“The issue here is not gonna be a list of accomplishments. As you said yourself, Steve, you know, I would put our legislative and foreign policy accomplishments in our first two years against any president — with the possible exceptions of Johnson, F.D.R., and Lincoln — just in terms of what we’ve gotten done in modern history. But, you know, but when it comes to the economy, we’ve got a lot more work to do. And we’re gonna keep on at it.”

Just in case you were wondering where the Top Four Preznidents meme came from.

“He lost our AAA credit rating.”

It’s gonna be a shameless campaign. Oh, wait. It already is.

Romney isn’t saying anything, but he sounds a little more human than usual.

Truth Squad employment is predicted to peak this year.

Mitt needs to shut up and take a lude. He’s starting to get more than a little hyper.

For a venture capitalist, Mitt sure comes off like a used-car salesman.

@nojo: Now that’s a good idea for a YouTube video for the fall.

Meanwhile, back at the spin: Mitt’s leading by 3 points. He won Michigan by 9 in 2008. Against John McCain.

@Walking Still: Just saw Ides of March last weekend, so it’s on my mind. Fun movie for diehard political geeks. More backstabbing than Walking Dead.

@nojo: Saw that in the theater a while back on a date with Mrs RML because we’re fucking geeks.

/fixed dare to date

@nojo: I enjoyed it – which proves your point.

@redmanlaw: I certainly enjoyed it, but any movie like that falls in the shadow of The Candidate. Hard to top Redford asking “What do we do now?” after he wins.

One of the Foxbots snarks about Mitten’s tree remarks – could we have a closet Stinquer?

I’m talking about Slayer on a hippie/vegan/enviro/Austin thread over on FB now.

Krautkammer actually makes a good point (I almost fainted) about how Santorum has managed to alienate Republican women. He lost Michigan because of the gender gap.

@Walking Still:

Frothy’s not running for President – he’s running for a combination of Führer and Pontifex Maximus.

@Walking Still: I thought Frothy was polling surprisingly well among GOP women. Although I haven’t seen the Michigan exit polls.

@redmanlaw: $88 to the Navajo Nation for business conducted on the reservation last quarter.

So the headline tomorrow will be “Romney Finishes On Top Despite Santorum Surge “?

Wait, no, I got it – “Santorum Subsides, Romney cleans up”?

“Despite Polling Behind, Romney Finishes On Top”?

Mittens outspent Frothy 2-1 to win by 3 points.

@nojo: Krautkrammer’s point was that enough Republican women were turned off by the barefoot and pregnant theme of the last few days to tip the balance. He backed it up with exit poll data saying the men broke evenly, but the women gave Romeny his margin of victory,

Assuming the numbers back the analysis, it sounds reasonable to me. I know how weird that sounds when talking about this moron.

@nojo: Can’t we just go with “Santorum Takes It In the Ass”?

@karen marie has her eyes tight shut: “Women Turned Off by Santorum, Conservative Men swoon for Straight Shooter.”

Mormon, Moron, Catholic, Cadillac, Frothy Mix, Third Lady, please explain it to me in a few words. How does any of this relate to electoral politics? I’ve been asleep for 20 years.
– R. van Winkle.

@nojo: @redmanlaw: I rented it from iToons, the same night as Nojo*. I thought it was kind of ‘meh’ – the Hopey08 campaign symbolism down to the Shep Fairey posters was a bit much for me, and otherwise the plot – although it moved along quite briskly – was flat. The dude who threatened to kill off Macbeth Clooney was pretty good, considering he was up against PSH and Giamatti.

*In calendar terms. The IDL puts me fifteen hours ahead of the left coast.

@Nabisco: I agree. I thought “this is supposed to be one of the best movies of the year?”

@Nabisco: But… but… but… Soulless Backstabbing! Maybe its reach exceeded its grasp, but it was a fine evening of everybody fucking each other over.

So Scott Ian from Anthrax was a zombie on Walking Dead. – thought I spotted him in a webisode:

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