Anger Mismanagement

Newt hates Mitt. Ron hates Jon. Rick hates everyone who has joy in their life. Sounds like the premise for a zany Armageddon sitcom, or our GOP Debate Open Thread/Pie Fight. Or both.

133 Comments

So, is Sandy Eggo ABC carrying it live?

Hmmm…

Where is Sandy Eggo ABC?

Ah. And Yes.

Hi, I’m Former Senator Fred Thompson, and I’m not above shilling for reverse mortgages as Former Senator Fred Thompson.

Adjustable mattresses will assimilate you.

@nojo: I’m watching football. I’ve never seen so many ads for boner pills.

Frothy: “We need someone with the experience to be Commander in Chief.” Which Senate committees definitely provide.

@Dodgerblue: Every time the house floats away, I figure the secret ingredient is LSD.

Game on: Newt comes out against the “Wall Street model” of “flipping companies”.

Mittens: “I’m not surprised the New York Times would put free enterprise on trial.”

Mitt keeps citing Staples and (now) Sports Authority as his successes. Chain stores.

ABC gave Ron Paul a tinny mic, which keeps beeping while he attacks Santorum for being a big-government trough-feeder.

First Soros mention! Drink!!
I’m streaming this while I chop vegetables with a very large knife. Probably not the best idea.

@nojo: Was it Frothy who said “it beeps when you’re lying?” Whoever, good line.

@Mistress Cynica: Yup. Too bad it’s a quiet audience. Takes some of the fun out of zingers.

God — Santorum turns corruption into a story about his grandpa, somehow.

I’m sure there’s video out there, a mile deep, about how dumb Frothy really is. Where is it?

Frothy, Frothy, Frothy — have we forgotten the unfunded Medicare Part D so soon?

Diane Sawyer manages a question under sixty seconds. Personal best!

Huntsman: “Everybody knows that Congress needs term limits.” Especially lobbyists.

Here’s the deal with Huntsman: He’s running for Scold in Chief.

Took 23 minutes, but Mitt puts Iran on the table.

Deranger Rick pulls the Palin line of being a “Commander in Chief” as governor.

Everybody’s bitching that Obama is making government smaller. Oh, they’re talking about the military budget. Never mind.

Dr. Evol calls out Newt on taking “four or five deferments.” After Newt spent a minute bragging about being an Army brat.

@nojo: There’s an auduence?? That Yankee reticence is no joke.

Newt: “I never asked for deferment. I was married with a child.”

Oh, and Dad served in the Mekong Delta. So fuck you.

@Mistress Cynica: Invited by the local station, I think. So it’s not packed with partisans. Thus the silence.

Google Alert! “One of my heroes is Martin Luther King,” says Dr. Evol.

Dr. Evol: “How many times have you seen a white rich person get the electric chair?” He’s still not handling the newsletters well, but he’s been studying up.

Paul doubles-down on Newtie chickhawkism. Newtie resent knobs go up to eleven. Paul pressed on newsletter, goes all McGwire (past remains in past), cites black friends (who happens to be King and Parks (both dead)), goes to war on drugs.

Mutual assured destruction. Mittens loving this.

Why is Diane Sawyer talking like she’s an elementary school teacher announcing renounce?

Oh, look! A 9/11 movie! With Tom Hanks!

@Mistress Cynica: ABC has joined CNN in aiming for the My Weekly Reader demographic.

Oh what fresh hell is this: they’re replaying the Frothy zinger? God almighty.

ABC replays the Evol-Frothy exchange about corruption.

Frothy: “If you haven’t been attacked by CREW, you’re not a conservative.”

Which says more about conservatives than CREW.

@chicago bureau: Reality TV has done its damage: All anybody knows is packaging.

Boy, Mitt is dancing, and — PUNTS TO PAUL! Holy crap!

Why is Mitt dancing around an easy question like states’ rights to ban contraception?

Good for Munchkin George to press the question. The constitutional “right to privacy” is not a long-settled issue.

You know Mitt wanted to call Frothy a fucking moron. Yet he was governor of a liberal state for 8 years and never, not once, heard about Griswold? Come on.

Mitt should have asked for a landline on that exchange. That was weird.

Apparently Paul believes in the right to privacy–unless you’re a pregnant woman.

Diane: “I want to turn from the Constitution to something closer to home.”

Diane, they were just talking about contraceptives.

If there was a God, there’d be a pile of ashes on stage after Newt applauds the “sacrament of marriage”.

Is Newt actually going on about the “sanctity of marriage”??? Please someone go after him.

Huntsman: Since I’m an incredibly potent man, I have no issue with civil unions.

Frothy: Marriage is a federal issue, but denying orphans to gay couples is a state issue. Got it.

For the record: six minutes of a presidential debate were taken up debating the LEGALITY OF BIRTH CONTROL. Really. That happened.

Mittens: My grandpa had many wonderful long-term, committed relationships.

Oops, sorry. That’s Fantasy Mittens talking.

Mitt: “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

@chicago bureau: And nobody could offer a simple statement about it.

Mittens: Calling it “marriage” creates a whole host of problems for everybody who’s not the married couple.

Anti-Christian bigotry? God, that’s an old, tired line.

BTW: Pope Benedict just called Newt telling him to ease up with him talking about the whole “church” thing. But Newt’s phone is off.

Mittens: We want to bring our troops home from Afghanistan, so we can send them to Iran.

Huntsman would make a good government official. Perhaps ambassador to somewhere.

I remember the day when Vermont legislatively enacted gay marriage — overriding a GOP veto. After the vote, but before the Speaker formally announced the result, a loser raised a point of order — which wasn’t a point of order but a rant about “anti-Catholic bias.”

The heads of the GOP — for being all tough on crime, for being fierce defenders of our liberty and our brave soldiers, for emphasizing the can-do entrepenurial spirit of our free and open economy, for all that — has a severe persecution complex. I’ll never get it.

The problem with Obama is that there’s not enough fear-mongering.

@chicago bureau: Political mileage. They’ve turned into what they harshly criticized twenty years ago.

Party game: Take everybody’s criticism about Obama’s foreign policy, and substitute “Bush”.

@chicago bureau: One thing that occurs to me about the whole anti-Christian persecution complex is that Christ explicitly stated in the Beatitudes that it was a blessing to be persecuted for one’s beliefs. They desperately need to feel persecuted to feel that they’re being good Christians—without having to do all that caring for the poor crap.

ABC cameras find the one three-story skyscraper in Manchester.

@cynica: but that’s a misread — Jesus was saying “it’s OK to be persecuted. But search it out? Invite it? Verily, I say unto you: ARE YOU NUTS?”

Out of pocket for rest of this nonsense. Have fun, kids.

@chicago bureau: Like they haven’t misread the rest of what Jesus said.

Infrastructure can’t create jobs. Just ask everyone who builds around a freeway interchange.

Mitt goes from zero to slogan in ten seconds.

Ah. Infrastructure is okay, as long as you call it “investment” and not “stimulus”.

That’s odd. I never hear Apple complaining about corporate taxes.

Yes, Mitt, middle-class Americans will really appreciate not having taxes on capital gains.

Camera cuts to Vicki Lawrence Ron Paul’s wife.

Deranger Rick: “We’re sitting on three hundred years of energy in this country.” Also three hundred years of fracking, three hundred years of oil spills…

Speaking of Apple, what would anybody do to bring electronics manufacturing back from China and Mexico? Or is that too specific a question for our panel of generalists?

Mittens: “We have the right in this country to pursue happiness as we choose.” Except, of course, gays.

Frothy objects to Mittens talking about the “middle class”: “There are no classes in America.”

And here we are: Talking about the middle class is class warfare.

@nojo: Perry might know what NAFTA is, except for the part about Canada being in it. WTO, no no no.

@JNOV is like, Peace?: Probably the only Carol Burnett reference I’ll manage all decade.

So, Mitt, what international businesses does Staples and Sports Authority compete with?

@nojo: But if there are no classes, how can we have class warfare. My head hurts.

Mormon slapfight! Mitt lashes out at Huntsman for serving Obama in China. Why has Huntsman gotten under Mitt’s skin?

wait, is this motherfucking debate still going on? I just had a lovely Cab Franc blend I picked up last year in Kiwi-landia and was going to turn on the teevee and see what was on. Scared I might stumble upon this festival of crazy-pants when trying to get to the on-demand recordings of Beavis & Butthead and Portlandia.

This is a bit of inside baseball, but Mitt’s whole approach has been to run against Obama, and treat the other contenders as fleas. So why make a point of disagreeing with Huntsman and thus giving Huntsman status?

And why — of all things — try to trump Huntsman on China?

The umpire declares an Error.

@nojo: Because Huntsman is more principled? Dunno. I’m surprised some of Huntsman’s daughters haven’t married Mittens’ sons to achieve more Mormoni inbreeding.

At what point do we need to work on a nickname for Huntsman? I don’t hate him, as he seems like the smartest one there.

@nojo: Because he wants to make Huntsman the Obama of the primary?

@SanFranLefty: Twenty minutes to go. It’s not like networks have anything else to do Saturday night. Unlike thirty years ago, when (second reference!) CBS ran Carol Burnett.

@SanFranLefty: In campaign terms, Huntsman is the One Percenter.

@SanFranLefty: I’m liking HunThor cuz of Nojo’s pic. We could combine his name and Mittens in some way, being that they’re related?

I can’t take any more of it.

Sans Cain, Bachman and Perry, Republicans can sound almost normal. Not counting Paul. Or Froth. Or Gingrich.

Do ALL mormon men put that much product in their hair? I do not remember that from SLC.

I am concerned not so much about the fact that Mitt wears magic underpants but the way they smell. I get a distinct pork-fat vibe off him.

But my number-one take-away of the evening is something that much more nearly concerns the well-being of the nation: Who is doing Diane Sawyer’s face? It’s a fucking masterpiece. It is flawless. This is Isabelle Adjani good. This is motherfucking Catherine Deneuve territory. I kept looking for some sign of muppetism but nothing! Just smooth sculpted perfection. Yes, one had qualms at first about the ghastly yellow thing she was wearing but somehow it turned everything above it into peach and honey-gold. Let’s not get caught up in wondering if the rug matches the drapes and marvel at the color of her hair and its thick lustrousness. I don’t know when I’ve been more impressed by a political performance. And didn’t George look petulant and mean beside her? While Diane rose from the foam somewhere off the coast of Cyprus, Aurora peeking over her shoulder, he’s all like “Dr Paul, When you accused governor Romney… !” Like anyone cares. We just want to look at Diane.

Wait. What?

PS. Santorum used current RW buzzword ‘penumbra’. They got it wrong. They mean ‘aegis’.

@nojo: But then Huntsman blew it by speaking Chinese. Never demonstrate fluency in a foreign language in front of a GOP audience.

Local news promo: “If there’s one thing that affects all of us, it’s the weather.”

In Always Sunny Sandy Eggo. Right.

Newt blows a Sport Pander: What would you be doing on a Saturday night? “I’d be watching the college championship basketball game.”

@Benedick: I get a distinct pork-fat vibe off him.

Naw. That’s green Jello with carrot pieces. Maybe funeral potatoes. Hard to tell.

And, scene!

What?

Oh. Twenty minutes of post-debate blather to come.

Ooooh, maybe it’s the fact that Huntsman’s sons actually serve in the armed forces unlike Mitt’s chicken hawklets. Nice finish, Huntsman. Too bad you haven’t got a snowball’s chance in hell.

Meanwhile, earlier today Frothy Mix accused Black Eagle of being uppity snobby and full of hubris for saying that his goal was to have every American kid be able to go to college.

Guess it’s time to start speculating on the Mittens veep choice. Story’s over.

He says before a single primary has been held.

Hey, did you know that Santorum’s surging? You wouldn’t know it from tonight’s performance. When you actually pay attention to him, one thing stands out: He’s very, very bland. Might be the rat eyes.

@SanFranLefty: See, that’s the thing: Huntsman isn’t even worthy of a nickname. Or at least I can’t trouble myself with trying to think of one. Buddy Roemer also misses the cut, and for the same reason: Nobody cares.

There’s some chatter now that he’s really positioning himself for 2016, but I still don’t see it. He was swept away by Village attention, mistaking it for actual electoral opportunity. Maybe he plays in Utah, but heck, Rick plays in Texas.

Huntsman is smart, no doubt. But lots of folks are smart. That doesn’t mean they’d make a good preznidential candidate. Even in a fantasy party of Rockefeller Republicans, I don’t see Huntsman making much of a splash.

@matador1015: I’m gonna pull out her Larry Sanders appearance if this keeps up.

Late Sport Pander Update: The BCS game is Monday night. So Newt had the sport and the night wrong, And nobody on stage knew any better.

And this crew claims Obama is foreign.

@nojo:

Also – there were obviously no Saints or Lions fans on stage.

So they can kiss the Michigan and Louisiana electoral votes goodbye.

@nojo:

Not that anyone noticed – today’s local fish wrap is 80% about Pennsyltucky State’s new head coach, and one thin column about how much scratch Frothy has earned since he left the Senate.

@nojo: If it’s anything like the book, Hanks’s character will have about five minutes of screen time, but given what a hack job the last Jonathan Safran Foer adaptation was, I’m not holding my breath.

Right now with David Gregory.
Mitt all for Gay Rights, (some of his best friends are guy) with exceptions.
Santorum all for respecting Gays but not supporting rights.
Pathetic.

So what was the takeaway from the GOP debate? I spent my time watching “Cop Out” and “The Lives of Others”.

@libertarian tool: Hey you, are we going to see you stinquing around here between now and March madness? How does our favorite libertarian feel about the clown-car wreck of the GOP primary?

@texrednface: are they denouncing birth control yet? How can you watch those Sunday morning talkshows without a big fat joint or a tall Bloody Mary in your hand?

@blogenfreude: See note above re Diane Sawyer’s plastic surgery.

This morning’s was all about who is training David Gregory. He’s really got the body fat under control. I’m not convinced by the haircut – he should check with AC about who does his – but the color is good. Though he should really get the acne pitting fixed. When you put that much pancake on a man’s face it tends to make him look like Tom Cruise – and no one wants that.

And plus, the mormons had the hair product under better control. Huntsman didn’t look so much like a spiv.

So yeah. On to Sth Carolina.

@blogenfreude: Takeaway: Mitt should start working on his acceptance speech.

The only lingering question last night was whether Frothy has what it takes to be the Not-Mitt. He doesn’t. He’s profoundly bland. The Not-Mitt voters may still coalesce around him for lack of an alternative, but it won’t be because he’s doing anything to draw them in.

I feel like a Villager, calling the race before a single Primary vote has been cast, but somebody has to win, and I don’t see how anybody else does it.

@Benedick: DS is just straight up beautiful. Another hot one? Christiane Amanpour – had dinner in DC about 12 years ago, and she was in the next booth wearing a little spaghetti strap number. Unfortunately she was with her husband, and I was with my then girlfriend. Oh well.

@blogenfreude: DC is a very very good-looking woman. Also smart and accomplished. Ditto Amanpour. I was only remarking on DC’s extraordinarily well-done plastic surgery. It must have cost a fortune. Perhaps even more than her husband’s complete body hair wigs: head, eyebrows, eyelashes. She looks fantastic. I’m guessing it was not done in Costa Rica.

Glad that Amanpour has been released from being the George Will/Cokie Robertson stooge every Sunday morning. She deserves better.

@Benedick: I still have difficulty joining the cult of Diane when I’m old enough to remember her as Louisville’s very first TV weather girl. Not even the multistory “Hometown Hero” portrait (65′ x 55′) of her mug on the side of a building in downtown Louisville can shake that image.

@Benedick: I’m seeing reports that the Hangover Debate was livelier than last night, but since nobody was watching, it doesn’t count.

In news of Sport, Jesus is losing to the Steelers 6-0, even though Jesus just got away with some blatant pass interference. Oh, He just got intercepted. I guess He’s tired out from the Republican debates.

@Benedick: my guess is DS has been injected, (botox, juvederm, sculptra) rather than cut. and don’t ask me how i know this.

@nojo: It wasn’t. It was a horror of smug neopplatonist imperialism cum free market romanticism.

@baked: Darling, mother always advised against cutting but you need to see Diane: the Sistine chapel of aesthetic facial reappraisal.

@Benedick: a horror of smug neo-platonist imperialism cum free market romanticism.
That’s as succinct a definition of the Republican platform as I’ve seen.

@matador1015 y nojito: Carol Burnett NEVER gets old.

@libertarian tool: Haaaay!

@Benedick: Come style me?

@blogenfreude: She married my boyfriend. I told her it was okay.

@Dodgerblue: No kidding. ;-P

@JNOV is like, Peace?: I can only point you towards those who do the styling.

@Mistress Cynica: That plus fag bashing and gynecological outreach

@Benedick: Don’t forget running over the Messican house cleaners and lawn dudes with the Lexus.

@SanFranLefty:
Re: Clown Cars – I’m good with it. The election is pretty much a forgone conclusion. The GOP will lose seats but hold the House. They’ll take the Senate since there are only 10 GOP seats up against 23 Dems this season. That means we need Obama re-elected to keep things divided. And that seems likely with this crew.

I keep trying to pretend I am interested for the sake of the blog, but it’s a struggle. Saturday night I tried to live blog the debate, but instead watched the game while cutting and pasting Stinquer comments into the post. So much better than anything I was going to come up with anyway.

Yeah I am going to start slow and try to ease into my annual March visitation.

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