Your Paper of Record at Work

Whose heads? All I see is a pompous sack of Santorum dressed up as Ward Cleaver.

The sweaters are sleeveless because you don’t want Santorum to get all twisted up.

This proves that their recent price increase is totally worth it.

Those are sweater vests people. Sweater vests.

And nothing says “Wedgie Me” like a sweater vest…

Moobs. You heard it here first.

@Benedick: I’m trying to get rid of mine. Laying off the pints of premium vanilla ice cream is a good first step.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: I think you’ll find you’re wrong.

A sweater vest buttons up the front – which is where the ‘vest’ part of ‘sweater vest’ comes into play. Usually there are three buttons but can be more. Bone is a good choice. It can’t have sleeves because it then becomes a cardie. I have a Pringle version of a sleeveless sweater like this in black cashmere. I don’t have moobs, however. I often wear it with black woolen trousers and a Harris tweed jacket. Throw a pink shirt into the mix to bring out my eyes and it’s all a bit too much to waste on a Trailways bus.

@Dodgerblue: I just dropped 15 lbs (he said smugly). Let me tell you how:

no cheese (technically, ice cream counts as cheese. Put down the spoon).

Very light on the oil. 2 teaspoons a day.

No butter, cream or whole milk.

No white bread. And limited amounts of whole grain. No potatoes, white rice, limited amounts of brown, forget sauces.

Lots of vegetables and fruit.

Make your husband read labels and explain to you again about the glycemic index.

Refuse to give up turbinado sugar on account of needing to have something in your life.

I won’t say no alcohol for obvious reasons but quit the beer.

No snacks, no sweets.

Lots of fish.

Jarred miso paste makes an excellent base for soups.

I’ve been teaching myself to eat less. And it’s worked. I don’t have to replace all of my clothes which was the other option.

Let me just say that any picture of the Mixture is better than the one in which he stained a Pirates uni during the ’06 Congresscritter baseball game.

@Benedick: I have a wool cardi that I bought from the Goodwill twenty years ago. Good wool, but I eventually had to patch the elbows. Not sure I could pull off a pink shirt (my better half laffed when I showed up with a salmon Oxford, and ever since its been strictly blue or white for me) – I’m known to regularly wear black socks with dark brown shoes.

@Benedick: Thank you and mazel tov. My spouse gets a bunch of health letter publications and I’m sick of hearing about the glycemic index, all the more so because she’s probably right. She weighed 105 when we got married and, 30 years and two kids later, gets upset when she rockets up to 108. I weigh over twice that.

@Dodgerblue: My wife and I are the opposite – I eat like a pig and am genetically unable to go past 180. She has stayed virtually the same as before marriage and kids, but her workouts mean that she can kick my skinny ass all around the house. Had my annual physical today (healthy prostate, thankyouverymuch) and was a bit surprised to hear that I came in at 172 so close after the holidays.

I spent a week in the hospital with typhoid twenty years ago and topped out at 155 soaking wet. I counted 184 of my 206 bones, I think.

That being said – try eating a salad at breakfast time. Seriously – not just lettuce but whatever greens and other colored veggies you can cram onto a plate. It’s a long distance runner’s training diet, an easy way to get your days vitamin and roughage, and surprisingly filling. Have half a bagel at 10 am if you need a snack.

@Nabisco: Eat vegetables? You do that?

@Dodgerblue: It’s how I justify the half a pound of dead meat taking up the other 2/3 of the plate.

BTW, and for the StinqueLaw&Ethics Department: is it wrong to use an open wi-fi signal if it shows up on your iPad? I’m not talking safe – I’m aware of hacking vulnerabilities. But I’m residing temporarily in Our Nations Capital, and no longer have any portable wi-fi capability.

@Benedick: You need a good wedgie.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: As opposed to a bad wedgie?

@Nabisco: As long as you’re not going all bittorrent on its arse, an open wifi is fair game. Bearing in mind that you’re fucking without a rubber.

@Nabisco: Are we a dancer? Wifi. Are we in an airport trying to reach out to the world? Fly first.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: You know I’m right. And, yes, I do. Darling.

@Dodgerblue: Women lose weight as they age. Mic check: Women in the cities: cf. Nancy Reagan, Neil Patrick Harris. Men just go blort. See what happened to Catt. Take back your body. Love yourself. Fondle your breasts nipples. Dress in black. Don’t buy Hugo Boss: it’s so short in the rise that unless you’re boasting 3 point 5 inches you are not going to be able to wrangle Big Boy out of his cage at the urinal in the Minneapolis international airport so your wife might get confused by the police reports that you were half naked and …

Wait. What?

@Benedick: I’m 6-4 and so short-rise pants would get me arrested, even if I could fit into them. Recalling our discussion of Italian-made suits. I find that Lucky jeans are very generous in the rise dept, although they don’t wear as well as Levis.

@nojo — do we have an open thread coming for Iowa?

@chicago bureau: Should flip in a moment.

@Dodgerblue: Lo-rise is our friend, big boy.

Is there some kind of political event happening somewhere? Does it involve Vikings? Yoo hoo! The fjords are calling.

@Nabisco and @Dodgerblue: W/r/t salad for breakfast, I haven’t thought to try that. Interesting theory. My trick is to eat a little something every few hours, preferably protein. To wit, today: Coffee and egg white with a pinch of shredded cheese and Cholula sauce at 6:15 am gives me enough energy to read through the overnight emails and East Coast Stinque postings and rally to go to work on a cold, dark, foggy morning. Banana and coffee at 8:30 in the office. More coffee and a half cup of Nancy’s Yogurt from the Nojo Homeland with frozen raspberries, a handful of granola and almonds at 10ish. Lunch of a homemade salad with a dressing made of a teaspoon of olive oil, a tablespoon of balsamic vinegar, and dollops of hummus and salsa.
[Side note: When I switched from eating sandwiches to eating salads for lunch — no other difference than that — I lost close to 10 pounds].
Mid-afternoon snack: hummus and carrot sticks. Dinner: martini, wine, no beer, and protein and salad. No carbs. Dessert (if any): butter-free popcorn.

Dodger, I’m telling you, I’m totally on Team Ms. Dodger on this front — the glycemic index is the key. Cutting out the bread and carbs really makes a difference in terms of energy, weight, and your sugar level. Diabetes is a horrific disease, and you don’t want to even skate near it. The other thing that I am neurotic about, holding aside my love for Cholula, is checking the sodium level of foods. This is hard given my weakness for fried and salty/crispy foods, which I’ve learned I can’t eat responsibly and so therefore should never enter the house.

I figure the unresolved problem I have is the failure to cut out caffeine and alcohol, I’m trying to reduce the coffee in the morning and go to a wine-only dinner.

Back to the sweater — in pic #3, does Frothy Mix have it tucked in his pants?

@SanFranLefty: Your work days sound delicious. I’ve never actually tried the salad for breakfast, mind you – although my last stay in NotTibet required me to belly up to the hotel breakfast buffet every morning where I piled the greens up on a plate otherwise heavy with eggs and bacon.

@SanFranLefty: No, he’s just spent so much time inhaling corndogs and fried butter that you can no longer see his waistline.