New Rule Proposal
Yeah, I know all of us here are about freedom of conscience, religious tolerance, separation of church and state and a firm belief in the Constitution’s insistence that public office in the United States of America can never be contingent upon the adoption of a religious oath.
But can we at least agree, just this once, that when Mitt Romney makes statements such as:
“[Barack Obama’s policies would] poison the very spirit of America and keep us from being one nation under God.”
that we are allowed to point out that Romney belongs to a church that demands its adherents wear special magical underwear, that until recently denied African Americans the right to serve as pastors, that believes that the Native Americans peoples are descendants of a lost tribe of Israel, and that holds the doctrine that when he dies, a follower in good standing is made God of his own planet?
Because if Mitt Romney can accuse Barack Obama of wanting to drive God out of America, surely it’s fair to remind voters just what Romney mans by “God.”
It’s a lot like the family rule. It’s one thing to demand privacy on your family but once you start using family as campaign props… well, gloves are off.
But to be sort of “fair” to Mittens, a lot of the crazies are already doing that to him as a reason not to vote for him that besides the insincerity and the lying and the douchiness. I suspect that he will end up being to the Mormonis as Battlefield Earf was to Scientology.
Yah, yah. But the “god” of this planet is Elohim, so, yeah. We only get one gawd here, but we’ve got plenty of moms which Elohim bumps nasty with to make all those spirit children that come to Earth when we bump nasty and birth them in human form. Makes sense, right? <– applies to all beliefs.
ETA: Elohim bumped nasty w/Mary, Mother of Jaysus, btw.
"As man is, God once was; as God is, man may become." — Profit Lorenzo Snow
@JNOV is like, Peace?: Now see, wasn’t that the whole deal avec le Jardin d’Eden? There were TWO trees; One; good and evil, yadda yadda; two, immortality. So god’s like, “Fuck me sideways. Adam and Steve would be same as me.” Which is why he threw them out. So, to claim that God was once mortal is to directly contradict the foundational story of the Bible. Plus, the whole gold plates/magic specs/secret language/alternate history aspect makes magic boxer-briefs seem rational.
@Benedick: Let’s not forget the talking salamander. Moses talking to a burning bush is wacky enough, but when you throw in amphibians, you’ve got a problem.
@Dodgerblue: The GEICO gecko is in the Bible?
@Benedick: …or the “miracle wheat” scam. Or the fact that Smith couldn’t read any of the ancient languages he claimed his tablets were written in.
Still, better than Santorum’s old testament war god, if only marginally.
@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: … and now that I think about it, Miracle Wheat was the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Still, though.
I see that someone’s back from the all-expenses-paid-10-day-New-Year-Acupulco-Disney-all-you-can-eat-blowout.
@Benedick: 8th Mormon Article of Faith:
We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.
Adam and Steve cockblocked.
@Benedick: Oh, and the magical specs was old Mormon spin to try to get people to forget that there were no specs, just Jos. Smith, Jr.’s head in a hat. (Sometimes it’s depicted as a top hat to give it more class and shit.)
@Dodgerblue: Oh, The Salamander! Dude! People died over that Mark Hofmann shit.
@Benedick: What can I say? They give us free mints too.
@JNOV is like, Peace?: If they follow the angel Moroni doesn’t that make them Morons?
@JNOV is like, Peace?: You mean the Mormons have disavowed the salamander? Wow, I’m way behind on my history.
@Dodgerblue: Only bc the police were involved.
@Benedick: Don’t even get me started on More-own-I, or it is More-own-ee? I can never keep that straight. I used to think it was Gabriel on the temples.
BTW, I still can’t say, “Reee-zoh-toe.”
People, people, please! The correct term is “Magic Underoos.” That is all.
Oh, and let’s not forget that raped women should die fighting off their rapists rather than live and tell, brown skin is a curse, Native Americans turn white when they convert, people of African ancestry are The Seed of Cain or Bigfoot, boys who come home early from missions should arrive in caskets, and the torture of gay BYU students.
@JNOV is like, Peace?: I think it’s More-own-eye but what do I know? That temple in SLC always reminds me of an ashtray. It lacks sense of scale. c1v (pug typing) Bits should get smaller as they get higher to emphasize its upward reach. As it is it just sits there glaring at you, daring you to laugh.
@Benedick: I think you’re right. “Macaroni” always comes to mind first.
@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: There is some wheat thing — I don’t remember the whole story, but some dude ran about Utard yelling, “WHEAT” for some reason. There’s even a song about it, so it must be true.
Fields of wheat
Cream of wheat
From what remains my favorite Woody Allen movie.
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