Mitt Romney Considers Tying Son to Roof of Car

One of the Boy Romneys bitches that everybody wants to see Daddy’s tax returns:

“He’s certainly not afraid of anything, he’s not hiding anything. But I heard someone suggest the other day that as soon as President Obama releases his grades and birth certificate and sort of a long list of things, that maybe he’d do that.”

Speaking of paperwork, we’d like to thank Master Matt for providing an excuse to dredge up a classic 2007 moment:

A woman at an Ask Mitt Anything forum earlier today in Iowa raised the question again, asking whether any of Mr. Romney’s five sons are serving in the military, adding pointedly, “If none of them are, how do they plan to support this war on terrorism by enlisting in our U.S. military?”

Although his campaign said his remarks were taken out of context, Mr. Romney’s response is drawing criticism, because he said, in part, “one of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping to get me elected.”

So, Matt, fair trade: You show us your Honorable Discharge papers, and we’ll find Obama’s birth certificate for you.


Your papers please.

Hey man, I’ve only got a pipe.

So the Romney’s have a birther in the family. Why does that not surprise me?

@Serolf Divad: My Ess Eff, East Coast, and European Ghey Mafias all swear that the Romneys also have a closet case among those five chicken hawks sons, for no other reason than simple statistics and the corrupting influence of the Mormon Church. They haven’t come to a consensus as to which one of the five strapping sons is a Friend of Dorothy, but they’re all willing to volunteer to find out via hate fucks.

ADD for audience participation: This is the cue for ¡Andrew! to start up with his “I’d bang it like a broken screen door” lines.

@SanFranLefty: Sadly, I’m all banged out. The Hellidays are never easy for me. With Winter Quarter looming in the very near future, I made an appointment with my doctor for next week to ask him for a Valium prescription. (“What’s the point of having your own doctor if you can’t get whatever you want?” – Ab Fab). I’d prefer a medical MJ card, but you have to be half-dead to get one under ridiculous Washington state laws. Anyone know a socially acceptable way to beg a medical professional for benzodiazepines?

@¡Andrew!: Tell them a close family member died or is near death. If you’re willing to risk the karma debt, it works like a charm. I always chose someone I didn’t like anyway, just in case it came true.

ADD: Can you cry on cue? That’s a big help.

@Mistress Cynica: If I think about the accounting class that I have to take next quarter, then yes, I can crank up the waterworks, no problem.

@¡Andrew!: There you go. I once left a doctor’s office with a script for 100 Lortabs just for turning on the waterworks.

@Mistress Cynica: I’ll tell him my husband is running for the Republican presidential nomination, and he’ll hook me up with the Stepford Special.

Really I just wanna take two and zone out to the Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer soundtrack, or Bugs Bunny en español.

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