Crystal Douchebag for Lifetime Achievement

Our highest honor is not easily achieved. Anybody can be an asshole. Some can even be an asshole for years without meriting special recognition — Louie Gohmert may some day win an Anal Pear, but he’ll never qualify for a Crystal Douchebag. For he lacks a special quality only few possess: The ability to really fuck things up.

The nominees are: Newt Gingrich, who hasn’t worked an honest day in his life; Rupert Murdoch, who pulled off the hat trick of undermining Democracy on three continents; Grover Norquist, who doesn’t need to run for President because he already wields ultimate veto power over everything; and Donald Trump, who has been building a decades-long case for a severe Estate Tax.

And the winner is…

Rupert Murdoch. As Harry Shearer says, The Simpsons only forgives so much.

And that concludes the 2011 Stinque Awards. See you at the Vanity Fair party! What? You weren’t invited? Whoops!

The 2011 Stinque Awards

Oddly enough, Rupert’s choice has a significant connection to the fabled shoe-thrower. See, the missus can really inject herself into something that ain’t about her. Beauty.

And his powerful red-haired sidekick. No, I don’t mean Flippin, I mean her.

I’m thinking a presentation ceremony on a “special” edition of Fox and Friends with Glenn Beck as celebrity presenter – either that or the Simpsons.

@Walking Still: It would make my day if we were ever big enough for Fox to attack us.

@nojo: I’m hearing that “make my day” being said by Clint Eastwood in birkenstocks.

@Walking Still: Probably also holding a chimp, just to confuse references.

If not for the efforts of the Koch brothers, Murdoch, and Norquist, our country would be booming right now. They need to be driven from polite society.

I’m a bit distracted this evening. Our little girl had her bat mitzvah today and is feeling pretty tender.

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