Crystal Douchebag for Lifetime Achievement

Our highest honor is not easily achieved. Anybody can be an asshole. Some can even be an asshole for years without meriting special recognition — Louie Gohmert may some day win an Anal Pear, but he’ll never qualify for a Crystal Douchebag. For he lacks a special quality only few possess: The ability to really fuck things up.

The nominees are: Newt Gingrich, who hasn’t worked an honest day in his life; Rupert Murdoch, who pulled off the hat trick of undermining Democracy on three continents; Grover Norquist, who doesn’t need to run for President because he already wields ultimate veto power over everything; and Donald Trump, who has been building a decades-long case for a severe Estate Tax.

And the winner is…

Rupert Murdoch. As Harry Shearer says, The Simpsons only forgives so much.

And that concludes the 2011 Stinque Awards. See you at the Vanity Fair party! What? You weren’t invited? Whoops!

The 2011 Stinque Awards


2:07 pm • Tuesday • December 27, 2011

Oddly enough, Rupert’s choice has a significant connection to the fabled shoe-thrower. See, the missus can really inject herself into something that ain’t about her. Beauty.

2:13 pm • Tuesday • December 27, 2011

And his powerful red-haired sidekick. No, I don’t mean Flippin, I mean her.

3:36 pm • Tuesday • December 27, 2011

Rupie earned it.

3:40 pm • Tuesday • December 27, 2011

I’m thinking a presentation ceremony on a “special” edition of Fox and Friends with Glenn Beck as celebrity presenter – either that or the Simpsons.

3:51 pm • Tuesday • December 27, 2011

@Walking Still: It would make my day if we were ever big enough for Fox to attack us.

3:55 pm • Tuesday • December 27, 2011

@nojo: I’m hearing that “make my day” being said by Clint Eastwood in birkenstocks.

4:26 pm • Tuesday • December 27, 2011

@Walking Still: Probably also holding a chimp, just to confuse references.

5:43 pm • Tuesday • December 27, 2011

If not for the efforts of the Koch brothers, Murdoch, and Norquist, our country would be booming right now. They need to be driven from polite society.

7:13 pm • Tuesday • December 27, 2011

I’m a bit distracted this evening. Our little girl had her bat mitzvah today and is feeling pretty tender.

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