Crystal Douchebag for Lifetime Achievement
Our highest honor is not easily achieved. Anybody can be an asshole. Some can even be an asshole for years without meriting special recognition — Louie Gohmert may some day win an Anal Pear, but he’ll never qualify for a Crystal Douchebag. For he lacks a special quality only few possess: The ability to really fuck things up.
The nominees are: Newt Gingrich, who hasn’t worked an honest day in his life; Rupert Murdoch, who pulled off the hat trick of undermining Democracy on three continents; Grover Norquist, who doesn’t need to run for President because he already wields ultimate veto power over everything; and Donald Trump, who has been building a decades-long case for a severe Estate Tax.
And the winner is…
Rupert Murdoch. As Harry Shearer says, The Simpsons only forgives so much.
And that concludes the 2011 Stinque Awards. See you at the Vanity Fair party! What? You weren’t invited? Whoops!