Don’t Confuse Me With The Facts

Santorum added that reality should stay out of politics because reality is an unproven concept.

Better to be blinded by Science than blinded with Santorum.

@ManchuCandidate: or endorsed by sandusky like santorum was over and over again.

@jwmcsame: One could understand why Sandusky would be partial to santorum in all of its manifestations.

Are you done with this thread? Good, cuz I’d like to jack it the fuck up.

I just found out that one of my closest (former?) friends is married. I have no idea when or where this happened. Consequently, I have no idea how long I’ve been out of the loop. I knew we weren’t as close as we used to be, thanks to my unemployment isolation and his new girlfriend, but I had no idea whatsoever that he’s apparently completely cut me out of his life. That sounds overly dramatic. Is it? idk. I can understand things getting so busy in one’s life that moving to a new place or getting a promotion or something kinda slips one’s mind. But marriage is still a BFD, in a legal and personal status way, especially for someone with three kids from a previous marriage. So, the fact that I received no pre- or post-marriage notice is probably a fair indicator that he’s just done with me, right? My heart has fallen and it can’t get up. Any help in the form of genuine wisdom, full-throated snark, or half-assed rage-by-proxy is greatly appreciated.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ:
I was banned from two weddings of close friends because their brides hated me (I suspect with good reason but I have no specifics.)

Plus I had a childhood friend stop contacting me. Haven’t heard from him in 14 years. No reason given, but I suspect it was because he thought I was an utter loser (I lost contact with him after he studying for his MBA) this was before I finally landed a full time engineer job.

Can’t say it doesn’t hurt. It does. When this happens I usually end up spending hours trying to reflect on what I may have done wrong. It’s really hard to say unless you get their feedback which isn’t going to happen. People do the strangest things.

In a sad ironic way, I’ve done this to my housemate. He doesn’t seem to get that I’m just sick and tired of his temper tantrums and obliviousness the last four years which is why I gave him an eviction notice. From what I’ve heard from mutual friends is that he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong (which is wrong) and doesn’t get that our relationship was done in by the death of a thousand cuts. Yeah, I know I’m suddenly talking about myself… Anyway, my point is that there isn’t just one thing and you won’t know especially if you and your friend don’t talk. The problem is that if you pursue why than you risk alienating your “friend” more.

Do you have any mutual friends who you can get information from?

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: In June of 2000, my best friend of over decade stopped talking to me. Just simply ceased to acknowledge my existence. We had been friends since 10th grade, then all through undergrad and starting our careers. I’ve never felt closer to anyone in my life, and we’d been through a hellvua lot. We’d finish each other’s sentences and were together so much that people combined our names whenever they referred to us. We’d spoken on a daily basis for years and years and years and then suddenly nothing–nada, zip, zilch… dial-tone.

It’s the strangest thing that’s ever happened to me. Like part of me was just ripped out and gone for good. No phone calls or e-mails returned, nothing. My mom is in tight with the local town gossips, so over the years I’ve heard tiny snippets about my ex-best friend getting married and having children, etc, but still I’ve absolutely no clue as to why or what I did wrong.

Honestly, I guess I’ve never gotten over it, but now it’s easier to think about the good times and not dwell on the hurt and confusion.

@ManchuCandidate: Kinda. He’s been distancing himself from other friends, from what I’ve heard. Thinking about it after reading your comment, I’m at a loss right now to think of someone still in touch with him that doesn’t work with him. But I’m going to see if I can get help from one of my friends who’s close to his boss.

@¡Andrew!: Sorry to hear about your situation but thanks for sharing it. It’s somewhat comforting to know I’m not the only one who’s experienced something so puzzling.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: @andrew: Relationships can be like tree branches: sometimes they grow awkwardly, or get too heavy and they just need to go. It’s never fun to be the branch, but if you think about it, haven’t you lopped one or two off in your own time?

Sucks, I know, but ultimately not really about you as much as the person who cut you free. And who knows, unlike trees people can come back together. So feel the hurt until you don’t anymore, and then perhaps one day there will be a surprise phone call, and what a joyful day that will be!
Until then, other friends, other lives, other loves….

While we’re jacking the thread, I want to thank those of you who drooped by Facebook to support me while we’ve gone through this cancer scare with my mom… and also those of you here that might not have known or had a chance to drop by. I have a portable group of friends here, never further than my right jacket pocket, and you all mean far more to me, and have helped me through more in the last few years than you will ever know.

@Tommmcatt: (Hugs)

Thanks, Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That. You’re the best.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: What old friends do doesn’t bother me much, but if somebody here at Stinque dropped me I’d be upset.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That:
My condolences. I don’t spend much time on facebook that much and didn’t know. Hope she gets better.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ:

It happened to me after I got married. My closest friends from where I grew up decided, more or less as a group, that I was never coming back to the East Coast and I was off their radar screen.

I tried several times to reconnect, and was ignored. I still don’t understand it to this day (28 years later). It hurt, but I agree with Tomm, it was about them, not me.

@ManchuCandidate: Do not condole! God and the staff at UC Davis Medical brought Mom through her surgery… and it was a complete success. They got the whole tumor, and it looks like we aren’t talking about any cancer anymore, at least for now.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Yes. Painful. Went to his mother’s funeral in April. Not invited to his wedding in June.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: I didn’t know that. I’m very glad to hear that there’s been a good resolution.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: I’m sorry you’re feeling cut out. It sounds like the difference is the new wife. At any rate it doesn’t sound like it has to do with you so much as your friend.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Hope you and your mom weren’t pepper-sprayed while at UC Davis! Seriously, though, big hugs to you and Ma Tomm and glad to hear they got the cancer.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Girl, I dunno what to tell you that the others haven’t already said. Same thing happened to me with a close friend. Same thing happened to me with my sister, actually. It hurts, but inevitably the reason is not you, it’s something else. In your case, sounds like something is going on with the bride if he’s getting cut off from all of his old friends. Actually, that’s kind of disturbing if it’s happening to all of his friends.