Foreign Entanglements

We know you have better things to do on Saturday night. We, on the other hand, don’t. And besides, this year’s crop of candidates is so proudly ignorant of the rest of the world, their foreign policy consists entirely of (a) Keeping Messicans out, (b) Giving Israel history’s greatest blowjob, and (c) Retro Yellow Hordes.

And hey, after Iraq and Afghanistan, who can blame them?

So it’s with Fear & Loathing that we welcome you to our GOP Debate Open Thread/Border Patrol. Remember, if you can pronounce it correctly, you’re immediately disqualified.


Local TV lead-in: “San Diego Charger Girls”.

Unleashing my inner Amazing Kreshkin here:

Mittens will want to bomb anyone and everyone.
Ron Paul will stick to his isolationist roots.
Newty Gingrich (who is a foreign policy genius when compared to the rest of the field) will do everything to not mention his involvement in the planning stages of that 2 TRILLION dollar clusterfuck known as Operation Iraqinam Liberashun.
Michelle Bachman will ask “What is Iran?”
Santorum will demand that Dan Savage leave him alone.
Rick Perry will… um… uh… er… oops?
Herman Cain! will demand that the US America go over there and bring him ladies to help him raise Cain! but don’t tell his wife… SHHHHHH!!!

Speaking of Sport, Penn State lost their football game today.

Last time I was at Qualcomm Stadium — actually the only time — was for the Prop H8 rally with Pedonator.

Hmm, the Dux are used to playing on artificial turf – how are they going to handle the soggy grass on The Farm?

Good. Not because I hate Penn State… but rather for the idiot fans who believed the Paterno mess is all about football and not about ignoring kids who were raped by a Scumbag.

@SanFranLefty: The taunting at their next away game should be world-class.

@SanFranLefty: One time I dragged a tuba across the field at Autzen Stadium.

The tuba was fiberglass. It didn’t end well.

“My favorite part is walking out of the tunnel, when the fans first see us.”

Oh, wait, the debate hasn’t started yet.

@Dodgerblue: Mr. SFL pointed out that it would have been awesome if Penn State’s next road game was on The Farm just to see what the band would come up with – I replied that administration would have preemptively banned Stanford’s band from going within 30 miles of the stadium.

ADD: Come to think of it, I wonder if LSJUMB is going to be allowed to get out on the field at halftime, given how high profile the game is…

The opening is spoiling the entire debate — like a trailer that reveals too much.

How do you know it’s network TV? Commercial at one minute in.

“How can a luminous protein in jellyfish…”

Commercials already snarking on the debate.

@nojo: Cain: I would bomb the shit outta them motherfuckers. Oh wait, he wants us to drill for more oil. Wuss.

@nojo: You would appreciate this. Sign held up by Stanford student during ESPN pre-game show from the Farm: “I programmed the computer you stole.” (if you don’t get the reference, it’s to one of the many U of O players who had brushes with the law, one of them stole laptops).

ESPN announcer Lee Corso is 46-6 on his picks, and went with The Tree.

Sounds like Herman Cain! spent last night cramming.

Mittens: Iran “is President Obama’s greatest failing.”

Mittens overrules the shot clock!

Mittens: “If we re-elect Barack Obama, Iran will have a nuclear weapon.”

Calls for “crippling sanctions”. Like what we’ve had since 1979?

OMG, they’re about to kick off. So nervous.

@Dodgerblue: Three answers, no bombs. What the fuck?

@Dodgerblue: Why aren’t you watching the biggest game of the year in the Pac-10 12?

Newt calls for what “President Reagan, Pope John Paul and Margeret Thatcher did to the Soviet Union.”

Four answers, still no bombs. But Ron Paul was a gimme.

Deranger Rick says he can address two points in sixty seconds. Note that he’s not going for three.

Question: Governor Perry, what’s your assessment of what’s going on the ground in Afghanistan?

Perry: Let me answer as vaguely as possible.

Frothy Mix: BOMB! BOMB! BOMB!

Although not in so many words. Just follow Israel’s lead.

@nojo: They are all disrespecting the moderators. Bachmann has been on a diet. Switching to football.

Yes, let’s keep talking about Afghanistan and the Taliban and not mention Bin Laden.

Huntsman mentions Osama. Flag on the play!

Everybody talks about Afghanistan troop withdrawal, nobody mentions who negotiated the date.

Quick turnovers by The Tree and The Dux. I have never seen so much screaming in Stanford stadium. Both teams look nervous and need to chill a bit.

Deranger Rick: “The foreign aid budget for every country is going to start at zeero dollars.”

Yes, two e’s.

He’s also avoiding the actual question asked. But everybody does that.

By the way, the question: Pakistan — friend or foe?

Newt: “The degree to which the Arab Spring may become an Anti-Christian Spring…”

Frothy Mix: We need to remain friends with Pakistan. The 9/11 crew may have come from Saudi Arabia, but we didn’t break relations with them.

Visual, not shown: Shrub holding hands.

Commercial break…

No boners so far. I’m impressed that nobody’s been batshit stupid.

Wow, Lefty, you caught a break there. I would have let the interception stand.

Wow, where’d that anti-immigration commercial come from?

Major Garrett to Newt: Why did you bash Mittens yesterday?

Mittens: Why are you asking me now?

Media-bashing only goes so far.

Newt: Once more with “Reagan-John Paul II-Thatcher”.

@Dodgerblue: Luck intercepted, Luck tackles the guy who intercepted him.

another reason to hate Brent Musberger – he pronounces the state as “Or-EEE-gone”

Queston: “Governor, you’d advocated eliminating the Department of Energy.”

Deranger Rick: “Glad you remembered it.”

Give the dude credit. Good line.

@SanFranLefty: Brent Musberger must die.

Is this game in Eugene? If it is, he has no excuse.

@SanFranLefty: Major Garrett correctly pronounces “The Dalles, Oregon”. Double word score!

Herman Cain! supports waterboarding.

ADD: So does Crazy Eyes.

Major Garrett: “Congressman Paul, my Spidey Sense tells me…”

Oh, right. The question’s about waterboarding. Ron Paul calls it “torture” and “un-American”. Here we go!

@nojo: Note comments above w/r/t game being on The Farm.

Huntsman, explaining why he has even less of a chance than Ron Paul: “We diminish our standing in our world … when we torture. Waterboarding is torture.”

@SanFranLefty: Scrolling and typing are mutually exclusive actions.

Mittens: “America is an exceptional nation.” Finally, the blather we tuned in for!

Can a preznit arbitrary execute a citizen? Newt says yes. Of course.

But credit for the question being asked.

Deranger Rick: “The Communist Chinese government”. True, but that’s not the point.

Commercial break…

Plenty of question-avoidance, the expected amount of jingoism, but still nothing to give Jon Stewart a hardon.

Question to Deranger Rick: Would you zero-fund Israel?

Deranger Rick: Yes, even Israel would need to justify its funding. Although it would probably be an easy call.

Hour’s up! Will the Sandy Eggo station stay with the debate, or cut out as offered by the network?

And, we’re back for Debate Bonus Time!

Herman Cain!: We made mistake on Egypt because of the Muslim Brotherhood.

By the way, anybody remember his Muslim-bashing earlier this year?

Newt: Obama made the fundamental mistake of abandoning friendly dictators.

And now, special cameos by Lindsey Graham and Jim DeMint!

Lindsey opens with a “three-part” gag.

Cain! on Gitmo inmates: “They are terrorists.”

Well! That’s settled!

(Waiting for the moderators to ask whether “enhanced interrogation” is actually effective.)

Ron Paul: “We’re at war against a tactic.”

The libertarian-progessive axis at work.

(Still waiting for question on the efficacy of torture…)

Crazy Eyes: Obama ordered the hit on Osama, therefore all the other hits Obama orders are cool.

Paul: “I voted for the authority to go after Bin Laden… But that’s a lot different than assassinating American citizens… I don’t think we should give up so easily on our Rule of Law.”

If only he wasn’t an ideologue.

Mittens: We’re borrowing money from China to pay for the NEA, NEH and NPR.

Slick move.

So ORE 15:6 Tree, with Oregon driving now. The D’s doing al they can… and FUMBLE! Whew. That was almost death for the Card.

Is the GOP Presidential Debate a weekly series now? I think the addition of Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul as permanent judges would help a lot.

Nojo, I give you full credit for tenacity that would make pit bull jealous. Assuming Obama can win re-election next year will the next round of Republican presidential debates begin before the world ends December 21?

On spending: Huntsman advocates “The Ryan Plan”. Nice try, but panders will get you nowhere.

Newt: “I helped balance the budget for four consecutive years.”

Helped whom? Reagan, John Paul II, or Thatcher?

Crazy Eyes, arguing against the Great Society: “If you look at China, they don’t have food stamps.”

Eighty minutes in, and Herman Cain! hasn’t managed to pitch 999.

Tree driving, settles for field goal on do-over? Wusses.

@Dodger: the Card needed points off that TO. Woulda preferred 7, but 3 is fine.

I think everyone was coached to include “Haqqani Network” in all their Pakistan anwers.

Huntsman reels off facts like Bubba without the charm.

Deranger Rick: “When you think about the Euro when it was established…”

For him, this would be the first time.

And, scene!

We join the Robber Baron-Disney Licensed Mascot game, already in progress.

Great drive by Tree. I think I heard Lefty yelling from 400 miles away.

@Dave H: The world is ending on 12/22/12, TYFM.
@nojo: Fuckin’ A, Chip Kelly has balls the size of Autzen Stadium.

Meanwhile, Bezerkley (aka “Cal” in NCAA speak) spanks the Beavers of Corvallis.

/, Your Home to Pac-10/12 commentary

@chicago bureau: Oh Haaai. Was wondering if you were watching this within posting distance.

@Dodgerblue: I would pity my neighbor for the screaming and stomping from me and my Duck husband, except said neighbor’s a crystal-snorting sociopath. So bring on the screeching and stomping at Chez SFL.

Oh, and the purple lizards/horned frogs of Fort Worth beat Boise State.

@SanFranLefty: We played high-school football games there on Friday nights. Divide the bleachers by forty to get an idea of the turnout.

@SanFranLefty: I appreciate you not mocking me for UCLA’s pathetic loss. Is your coach busy next year?

@nojo: Wow. Props for… persistance? You’re a better man than I am. But we already knew that. I lasted about three minutes, just long enough to wonder if they knew the questions ahead of time: Cain seemed eerily informed. But impressive to boldly go where the US has been the last what 15 years?

Dave H suggestion very sound: are they going for So You Think You’re Smarter That a President, or Who Wants to Be a President, or The Apprentice? Bachmann has has her face sand-blasted and laser polished. She was rather well-groomed.

Apparently some kind of Sport was happening in the background.

From TPM:

The Bachmann campaign has just sent out a press blast that will surely get everybody in an uproar. CBS’s just hired political director, John Dickerson, wrote an email — apparently to CBS colleagues — noting that Bachmann probably wouldn’t get many questions tonight since she’s basically tanked in the polls. That’s not terribly surprising. Except Dickerson inadvertently CC’d Bachmann’s communications director. Big mistake. The Bachmann campaign has now released the email to the press. More shortly.

Tree sure moved the ball on that last series. I lost some parts I needed to install a set of doors, so it’s game time and martini:30. Our house was built in 1965, so the laundry alcove opens into the kitchen. A pre-Thanksgiving priority.

Just by playing around in the living room last night, I set the laser on my Glock for three yards. I could literally shoot the ears off a man sized target just by using the laser. I think I’ll reset it to to 10 yards, though. Shot 100 rounds of 9mm at an indoor range with the Glock 19 and Ruger LC9. Exhiliarating.

Pick six! Time for round two.

“Pac 12 North” – what the fuck is that? Sounds like it involves aircraft carriers.

Please Brent, try to pronounce “Oregon” properly. I just want Luck to get the Heisman.

@redmanlaw: “Pac 12 North” – what the fuck is that?

Three-quarters of the Pac 8.

Fucking “Metal Evolution,” muthafuckas. Classical, jazz and blues as the roots of Metal. First use of distortion – the “Rocket 88” single, y’all. \m/

They mention it, but don’t say how thr tritone was once banned by the Catholic Church as “the Devil’s interval.” Mrs RML told me “metal heads don’t become judges.” “They were all black, baby,” I told her.

@JNOV will never finish this fucking sweater!: Or-gun has a sex scandal, if you consider beating up girlfriends to have anything to do with sex, or to be scandalous. There’s also a player who stole laptops on campus. (Thus the funny sign held by a Stanford student, “I programmed the computer you stole”). Also Dux have a player who loves the weed, and when pulled over this summer by state troopers for speeding and a giant cloud of smoke came out of the car when he rolled down the window, the trooper asked said player, “where’s the marijuana?” to which the player responded, “We SMOKED it!” I have to admit, that last escapade makes me laugh.

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