Last Call at the Beastiality Bar
“Attention, Florida: Today is the last day to legally buck a bronco, hump a horse, grope a goat, or perform any other activities related to barnyard bangin’. Senate Bill 344, which bans ‘sexual contact’ and ‘sexual conduct’ with animals, goes into effect on Saturday.” [Broward/Palm Beach NewTimes, via jwmcsame]
If I’m not mistaken one of the first executions at Plymouth was of a young man, an indentured servant, who fucked most of his master’s animals. They hanged him first, then the animals (including a horse) and buried them together in big pit. So this seems timely.
Of course, his master was ruined but Leviticus was pleased.
Not to be a dick about it, but it’s Bestiality.
@Mistress Cynica: I’m calling an audible, and arbitrarily changing the spelling. In a hundred years, nobody will notice.
Anyone told Rick Santorum?
@Mistress Cynica: I didn’t like to go there but someone had to. The world does not begin and end at Wittgenstein.
@ManchuCandidate: I got some kind of weird query from google after clicking on ‘santorum’ 5 or 99 times. They thought I might not be human. I can’t help it. It always makes me laugh.
And also: littleneck clams fresh from the sea. Mmmmmmmmm. And plus, managed not to cut my hand opening them. Can today get any better?
@Benedick: And what does Wittgenstein have to do with Rodgers and Hammerstein, anyway? Nojo is a very complex and confusing man.
ADD: Perhaps Rodgers and Wittgenstein should have written a few musicals…
And yet there’s no law to prevent Rick Scott from fucking the entire state.
@blogenfreude: He’s technically human, you’re right.
@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: And what does Wittgenstein have to do with Rodgers and Hammerstein, anyway?
Words! Words! Words! I’m so sick of words!
I get words all day through;
First from him, now from you!
Is that all you blighters can do?
No, wait, that’s Lerner & Loewe…
@nojo: Yes, that is Lerner and Lowe, darling. Perhaps you were thinking of:
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
@Mistress Cynica: I love you, woman.
@Benedick: Some of my favorite things: whiskers on kittens, Shelley Oh! and Target. I can’t wait to see which Issac Mizhari for Target number she’ll be rockin’ next week.
@SanFranLefty: We don’t like Target. She couldn’t shop at a local store like Crate and Barrel? Who is she? Marie Antoinette or Diana Ross or some shit? Britney can so shop Tarjay or Wolmarh cuz she is so not elite. And such as. I am so into Twilight. I hope Darryl gets it in the neck. And a few other places. I am like so over DC. I’m like Whatever. It’s like I got my iPhone and it rocks and shit but it is like spendy and I’m like I am only just a teenage gurrlllllll in Wichita flipping slabs o death for the local Burger King and what I’m thinking is if I could turn it all back to say 1374 and I could be a dairymaid and asset for the bishop of Lyons I would so jump at the chance to let my cocksucking skills do some good. For me at least.
Otherwise I’m stuck in a gas station on US80 and the motherfucking readout won’t take the charge and I have nothing here but $15.45 in cash which wlll about fill my baby’s Oprah lunchpail.
@Benedick: On Friday, I stepped on a cactus with bare feet after stabbing myself in the leg with a bunch of yuccas. We had just finished our fall footraces for the feast of San Geronimo back at the ancestral homeland when we went to bathe in the river to wash off the red and white paint we wear, My feet were still numb when I stepped on the cactus, which tore off from the main plant when I picked up my foot, so I had a hunk of cactus hanging off me for a bit. I still had some stickers in me, so I was walking on my heel until I got to my parents’ place. I took camouflage duct tape, applied it to the area with noseeum stickers and pulled them out with the tape.
After my firewood run to the socialist national forest today, I had numerous scratches after crashing through the pinyon trees, plus that, I have a blood blister on my left hand from yard work. If I had opened oysters I would have put the knife through my hand today.
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