And for Four Dollars, We Can Get a Refill

Our guest columnist is Obama for America’s Ann Marie Habershaw, who is getting a little desperate.

As chief operating officer of this campaign, I’m the person people come to when they want to spend the money you’ve donated.

All the budgets, calculations, and planning lead to a simple “yes” or “no.” Yes, you can buy coffee and clipboards for neighborhood organizers in Ohio. No, you can’t have a fancy computer when a cheaper one does the job. That sort of thing.

Every team on the campaign has submitted their plans for the rest of this year — opening field offices, registering voters, building technology. And it all costs money.

I can’t say yes to everything — but what you do right now can help me say yes to more.

We have a critical fundraising deadline coming up on September 30th.

Help me say yes by giving $3 or more today.

[via email]

Coffee and a clipboard for $3? Ohio sounds magical.

I thought Our President already had a massive war chest.

Yup: “Obama’s fundraising has dwarfed that of his Republican rivals in the money race thus far. In the second quarter alone, he raised a total of $86 million with help from the Democratic National Committee.”

I though that was the case. The NRA magazine is always carrying on how Obama is going to spend a billion dollars to steal peoples’ guns and turn the Gold Old USA into a socialist worker’s paradise.

@redmanlaw: Two things going on here:

1. They’ve got an algorithm that inserts a proposed donation based on past behavior. So, if you haven’t given them a nickel since 2008, they’re testing to see what number snags you.

2. I’m guessing they want a high warm-body count to offset all those billion-a-plate dinners that Barry’s attending. At this point, the fact of my donation is more important to them than the amount.

It’s all very slick. Folks have gushed from the start over the campaign’s digital cojones, and this is part of it.

I might back off my “not a fucking penny” pledge if he’s got serious opposition going into next Fall. But not now.

@nojo: I wouldn’t know what my number is. I’m deleting everything I get from them.

A guy I know gave a buttload of money to the O in 2008 and told them to fuck off this year. Anyway, he’s giving a lot of money to conservation organizations now and got invited to some exclusive thing at Arcadia National Park. He’s looking at the guest list and sees Don Fucking Rumsfeld on there. He calls them up, declines the invite, they beg him to come but says he does not want to be in the same goddamn room as Rumsfeld.

How much will a pair of balls cost? ‘Cause I might pitch in for that.

@Mistress Cynica: Donors should only have to cover the co-pay since the rest should be covered under the federal employees’ health care plan unless the procedure is deemed to be elective or cosmetic.

@Dodgerblue: Preexisting period of coverage? Maybe not. Could be that the condition developed after the inauguration.

@redmanlaw: Hard to say. My organization is going to sue over the ozone rule gutlessless. I have challenged our lawyer on the case to declaim from the Supreme Court steps that Barack is not man enough for Michelle. Developing . . .

@Dodgerblue: Has the United States waived its sovereign immunity for unmanliness of the chief executive in the face of GOP trash talking?

Can we, like, do a fee for service deal. Hey, Obama, I’ll give you $100 if you appoint Bernie Sanders chairman of the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency. Or $500 if you appoint Spitzer AG with a brief to put ever banker in jail in a cheap fucking wedding dress.

@nojo: If the $3 request doesn’t snag me, do you think they’ll go lower? My mom said that if you want to indicate to a waitperson that you’ve received shitty service (and I mean shitty), you tip them 1¢. I’m going to try to donate a penny.

@FlyingChainSaw: I’ll give him a threesome with me and Shelley Oh! if he makes Elizabeth Warren the head of the SEC. Or VP.

@Dodgerblue: No. Don’t even ask if you could watch.

@SanFranLefty: No thanks. No dudes for me. But if you and Shelley would be free the day before . . .

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Just a minute, handsome. Just this morning, I was pawing through a woman’s clothes (not my wife’s), helping her set up for a yard sale. I felt like the guy on “What Not To Wear,” except not as well-dressed.

@Dodgerblue: Same here. 2008 was the first time I ever gave anything to a campaign, and I even shifted from my 20+ year registration as an Independent for the primaries. Not this year, not this time.

Close Guatanamo and shove a budget bill up Congress’ ass, and we’ll talk. Otherwise I’m saving my money for hookers and blow mortgage and rent at the remote DeeCee office.

@Nabisco: I just learned how to borrow library books electronically via Kindle. Between that and the baseball playoffs coming up, I’m not getting off the couch.

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