404 on the Floor

Our guest columnist is Nosh.me.

We are sorry, the page you are looking for is lost.

Periodically, pages go missing, assets get misplaced — you should not be concerned. This is a startup, this kind of thing happens. At Nosh, we are fortunate to have a relationship with several teams of ex-special forces operatives who help us track down these missing pages. When a page on this website goes rogue — and a code 404 arises — we dispatch one of our teams to bring it back. Ideally they are able to salvage the missing page, but sometimes, if the page is truly lost, they have to take it out (resulting in the subsequent code 500 when the page gets taken down).

Regarding the page you are currently looking for, one of our teams actually did find it, but it did not want to be found and a firefight ensued. This encounter is documented above.

We are very sorry we are not able to display the page you were looking for. Please go back home and we’ll do our best to ensure this kind of mix up is resolved peacefully in the future.

404: Page Not Found [Nosh, via Daring Fireball]

Heh – nice. Although I still find the Github error pages even MOAR awesome:

404 and 500

Mouse over for the full animation effect – no Flash here!

There’s also the TumblrBeasts, which got used for a while but are now available for anyone to use.

@al2o3cr: I’m in the middle of a big Stinque Recode, and I may have to gin up some 404 hamsters…

asking @redmanlaw … seems to me they should be using Uzis, but what do I know from firearms …

@blogenfreude: Given the prey, they’d be better off with a shredder.

@blogenfreude: I’m sure that’s meant to be some sort of Call of Duty (or similar video game) homage, so the choice of M-4/M-16s is pretty appropriate.

In other news, it may drive me crazy until I can actually identify which Siouxsie and the Banshees song the final sounds in this video come from. It’s something from the Scream or early singles, but I can’t put my finger on it.

It sounds way too early to be Cities in Dust. Their instrumental mix got noticeably better over the years, with a big jump at Kiss in the Dreamhouse, and even Join Hands is perceptibly better than The Scream or the early singles. That sample sounds like it’s from the earliest songs, but at least from what’s on my player, I can’t find it (or don’t have the patience and it’s in a song that changes tone and tempo halfway through).

@IanJ: I could kiss you for having such incredibly in-depth knowledge of the SATB discography–HOWEVER!–I’m all about respecting boundaries now, so I will merely nod approvingly. Word.

Heh, thanks. Still no idea what song it is. Part of the problem is that I can’t just set these records playing — I’ve heard them so many times that I don’t really hear them any more (which is sad, but seems to be true of anything I listen to too much).

@blogenfreude: The Uzi predates the webz by about 40 years, so I agree with my esteemed colleague Mr. IanJ that the choice of weapons should be more contemporary.

That being said, it appears that Porn Stache is packing a full auto Heckler & Koch MP5 and Helmet Head has a way pimped out M-4, which is a shorter carbine version of the venerable M-15 (the civvie version is the semi-automatic AR-15). The MP5 is for more close in work, as is the Uzi, while it was Helmet Head who was taking the 100(?) yard shot from an offhand position, which is not that easy or accurate, btw. Both had optics, probably low magnification (1.5-4 x) red dot scopes. I didn’t see any flying brass, so I wonder if the gunfire was animated, which seems to be the case for the target’s gunfire and the hit by Helmet Head. No hearing protection. Camo is old school Woodland, which was obsolete by the First Gulf War in the early 90s, although I did see it recently on an Air Force guy in Utah this summer, probably a reservist, since everyone else chowing down at a long table at Famous Dave’s had the sagebrush colored airman camo unis.

Firing the full auto MP5. Note the recoil experienced by the shooter, the flying brass and the lack of Hollywood muzzle flash.


I’m quite sure the muzzle flash, flying dirt and such were all animated in that video. For instance, when Porn Stache is firing (BIG four-armed star muzzle flash for 9mm Luger), I would not be looking up from Helmet Head’s position on the ground, right into the muzzle flash. Then Mr. 404 apparently had a P90 (kicked away by Porn Stache when they arrive on the scene). I’m pretty sure they’re airsoft guns with the orange tips painted over, although Helmet Head does a credible impression of recoil when firing. Alternately, if they had some cash to blow, it’s only expensive (not difficult) to get “movie prop” rifles that produce that kind of muzzle flash with blanks. I still wouldn’t be turning my face up into the flash like Helmet Head does, though.

@IanJ: @redmanlaw: With far less experience than you cats (I’ve shot about 15 rounds each on an AK and an M-4), I too noticed the idiot head lift, the lazy way of slinging the weapons, the bad camo, and the lack of ear protection.

Oh and also, the fingerless hobo mitts rather than real tactical shooting gloves.

As to the Souxie track, I can’t rock the audio here at the orifice, but I was really only a fan in the early years (“The Scream” and “Join Hands”), so I’ll see if anything comes to me tonight when I can listen in.

@Nabisco: Outshot a former Army Ranger last summer with .22 semi-auto handguns. I was having an extremely good day.

I need to take the elk rifle out to the range soon for two months of target practice before my hunt (that, and really step up the PT. I’ve already dropped martinis though the end of the month.) About half of the unit I drew a tag for burned up in the recent Los Alamos-area fire, however.

@redmanlaw: an ex marine friend of mine was shooting at an exploding target at dusk one night and missed a couple of times. he handed me the 22 when he went to wizz. i laid down and hit that target on the first shot after hardly ever shooting my entire life. i’ll never forget that.

i thought about you yesterday when i came across these beauties:
any of these chicks ever come over and help you read your comic books?

@jwmcsame: Mrs RML would slay any of those chicks coming anywhere within a hundred yards of me or the house. Weapon of choice: withering stare.

And, as a matter of fact, I have some compilations of Fantastic Four and Wolverine and a Superman graphic novel in Mrs. RML’s ride, along with a new book on Curtis LeMay and how close we came to nuclear annihilation back in the 50s.

Prone is the most accurate position for shooting. You chose well with that one. After that, for me it’s using a rest such as a tree branch, then sitting, then off hand (standing w/no support). I can’t kneel without a knee pad because of all the accumulated scar tissue in my right knee makes it all lumpy, unsteady and sensitive. I have tables back at the house that show my percentages for all of the above positions at 100 and 200 yards with .308 cal. and .30-30 cal. lever action rifles I use for deer and elk.

@redmanlaw: they’ve successfully introduced elk back into the smokies and the big south fork north of here. they had an extremely limited lottery for elk hunts recently as the population grew larger than expected and roamed beyond park boundaries. trouble is, some of these fools around here decided they didn’t need no lottery ticket or government interference and shot them anyway, anywhere, and anytime they felt the urge. is it legal for legitimate hunters to shoot poachers, like in parts of africa? have you ever heard how jimmy dolittle told ike that he would fly his fighter plane over national parks and machine gun the poachers who were still hunting on the park lands that ike expanded in the 50’s? ike told him they could probably find a more reasonable solution.

@jwmcsame: Here in New Mexico, some rural native Hispanics (descendants of those who had been living up in the hills for 150 years when the Americans got here in 1847) have a practice they call “traditional hunting,” which The Man and his repressive regime call “poaching.” You draw a tag here with the same frequency as winning the Powerball, so I understand Homie’s frustration. I can hunt on the reservation back home or on my fiend’s ranch, but I almost always run into a traditional hunter when I’m up at his place. I had a couple of scary/infuriating experiences up there with others who were not supposed to be up there. Then there’s the bears . . .

Waaaaay too pimped out assault rifle. Looks like something from the Starship Troopers movie. If you run out of ammo, you could break pieces off and throw it at the other guy.


I thought it was supposed to be lightweight.

Heinlein said something about that…

If you load a mud foot down with a lot of gadgets that he has to watch, somebody a lot more simply equipped –say with a stone ax –will sneak up and bash his head in while he is trying to read a vernier (or in this case change a battery).”

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