Brief Encounters

It’s too bad the media’s got a hard on for this during silly season.

This explains a lot, including the media’s continuing hard-on for, well, hard-ons.

OK. Enough of this nonsense. We watched some of Black Swan (why is blu-ray so ugly?) last night. ODMOG (Oh Dear Mother Of God)! That poor girl! I mean, kudos for losing the weight but she now adds the inability to dance to her inability to act. She’s terrible! As in awful! But! Must say she’s not as bad as the putrid frog playing the choreographer. His rant at the dancers auditioning for the role of prima ballerina assoluta is pitiful. To say nothing of the entire premise of the scene. Do we think that’s how Gelsey Kirkland became Ballanchine’s muse? Let me just say that one does not audition to dance Odile. Makes me think no one associated with the movie had even been to the ballet let alone worked on one. Reminded me of the laughable shipboard scenes in Titanic. The OH, as a director, became so incensed at that point that I turned off the TV before he threw the pug at it.

The nonsense began with the loving close-ups of Miss Thing’s pretty toes as she gutted a toe shoe and taped her foot. Have we ever seen a dancer’s feet? Do we know what jumping and landing on pointe does to one’s tootsies? Would we like to hazard a guess? The bleeding? Having to cut the shoe from the foot on account of the dried blood? Martha Grahame’s feet (to name just four of the best dancers ever. And I know she wasn’t from the classical ballet but why hasn’t she been sainted? You know how she described a plié? Bending the knees? She called it the opening of a shrine. Think about it. Try it on your own body. Begin in second.) Why were they making up for class? Have we ever been to ballet class? People tend to sweat. A lot. A LOT. Why is it assumed that female dancers are bitchez? In my experience they’re a pretty level-headed bunch. It’s the men who make the trouble. I can just imagine that poor girl in class with a real teacher hollering “What is that thing at the end of your arm? What is that supposed to be? Extend the line! You silly bitch!”

And the star dancer discovers that she won’t be dancing Odile/Odette at the theatre? After a career spent in the company? And let me say right now that the ABT is a world class company. Our great niece is coming from Paris to attend its summer school this year. Another great cultural institution that brings honor to the country and even impresses Les Franch unfunded by our government.

Of course, had they really done the ballet world it would have been fascinating to see. And shocking to the civilians. God knows what happens later but it seemed to be shaping up to be a retread of The Red Shoes, which is a surprisingly hard-nosed account of the ballet – apart from the too schematic and nonsensical ending. A friend of mine told me Black Swan was putrid but I didn’t think it would be quite that bad. Hollywood strikes again. Anyone seen Humoresque? In which John Garfield plays the violin? The hands are Jasha Heifitz’s and the illusion is perfectly done. For poor Ms. Portman the best they can do is make the camera go twirly-twirly? Sad sad thing.

Dancers are really interesting people. Classical dancers more than most when it comes to work. Much more so than athletes. We think we know discipline? They sleep in fifth. Oh well.

Returning to regular programming – hilarious alt text/pic match.

@Benedick HRH KFC: My mother-in-law is ballet-trained and was a professional dancer in her youth. Was in lots of movies with Busby Berkeley, Astaire, Gene Kelly etc. Thought Berkeley was a jerk, loved Kelly. But I digress. She saw Black Swan and thought it was idiotic.

On another note, Dr. Kevorkian died and Johnny Edwards got indicted. Coincidence?

@Benedick HRH KFC: Got some time on your hands? Get outside and do some weeding, you asshole.

@Benedick HRH KFC: Ripping out weeds might be a way to channel your Edwards indictment sorrow.

@SanFranLefty: Where the hell is Tommcatt? Benedick needs him now.

This is me, throwing in the towel.

@Dodgerblue: I think anyone who dances would be appalled. It’s too bad, it’s a fascinating world. I don’t know it much, I know show dancers better. I took class for quite a time trying not to be an oaf. Studied with Matt Mattox in London (7 Brides for 7 Brothers, Lonesome Polecat, man swinging the axe) who insisted I took ballet. Mostly it was agony and I could never pick up the combinations but it was interesting as hell to do. I still wear my dance belt around the house when the mood takes me. B Berkley’s dances are incredibly boring, in my opinion. Apart from when he was allowed just to let them dance For Me and My Gal has some lovely stuff. But mostly they look like Nazi rallies. Hermes Pan did beautiful work for Astaire. I love the saying the ladies of the ensemble have that Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did backwards in three inch heels.

It’s always rewarding to work with people who really know how to do something, singing or dancing or even, God help us, acting. Speaking of which, as a special treat, here is a fragment of one of the funniest performances ever of one of the most brilliant comedies in English. The scene is cut down but is still a wonder. Designs by Cecil Beaton (note the suggestion of the 18th cent in Lady B’s dress and the greenery-yallery joke of Jack’s apartment), directed by Puffin Asquith with M Redgrave too old but not bad as Jack and Edith Evans hitting one homer after another as Lady B. Watch her exit: that, boys and girls, is how it’s done. Makes me cry from laughter.

“Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit. Touch it, and the bloom is gone.”

Ou sont les neiges… ? indeed.

And speaking of neiges have they really indicted Johnny? Will this persecution of those who are too good-looking for their own good never cease? I think must now grab a box of Kleenex and retire to a darkened room.

I’m sorry, but I need to divert a little bit here. I get the green grapes. I get the cherry. I get the purple grapes. But what the fuck is that shaggy, wookie-looking thing on the right?

@IanJ: According to this handy guide, it’s a leaf. A dead one.

Or maybe a zombie. I’m not a botanist.

@IanJ: Bush.

@IanJ:

Other sources on the net point to it being “fig leaves”. There’s also supposed to be a 4th actual fruit (gooseberries / currants), but I guess they couldn’t think of a way to make that look different than grapes as a dancing yoyo in a suit.

@al2o3cr: The currants on the logo are yellow, for what it’s worth.