Now It Gets Interesting

BREAKING: LOS ANGELES – A US judge ruled Wednesday that Jared Loughner was unfit to stand trial over charges he tried to assassinate a US congresswoman and killed six other people in Arizona, US media reported.

rawstory.com

These people need to slow the fuck down. It’s no fun to take him out before the first primary.

That necklace is about $40,000. The earrings? $23,000.

@redmanlaw: Is that surprising? If only the same rules could apply to congress.

Wait, those little 1/2k earrings are worth $23 large? Someone’s trading on a wee bit of name recognition.

@IanJ: Darling, you don’t go to Tiffany’s for bargains. You expect to pay retail plus. It’s motherfucking Tiffany’s. The sales clerks are rude to you. They give you a little blue box tied in a white satin ribbon. It’s worth every penny.

Just took a peek over at Brand W. They are running several days behind on internet news over there. Layme just posted the Beast in Ireland video.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: I was checking frequently throughout the weekend, figuring Ken was going to post a goodbye message or something — yes, I have a response drafted — but when the audition-account “Wonkette Jr.” started running items Monday, I returned to ignoring them. Was Jack playing a prank about Ken’s upcoming “tough decision”?

On the one hand I want Newt humiliated to the point where he withdraws. On the other hand, the entertainment/blogging possibilities are endless.

Not much scares me, but that picture gives me the willies.

ADD: Okay, I’m afraid of heights, racoons and opossums. Maybe bears, but I’ve never seen one. Newt’s Newish Wife is, um, vampyre or some shit.

The elephant in the room is this: Who the fuck names their daughter Callista? It’s like they wanted her to be a dominatrix for a living.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Ally McBeal, dude. Or develop an eating disorder and fuck gross-ass Harrison Ford.

@Benedick HRH KFC: I’d like the older Lucida, 1 c, 6.5 (M1/2, 12, 14), and minus the dude, please.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Well I think it’s a lovely name. Like Calliope. Or Shirley. The muses. Isn’t she the goddess of blow jobs for third tier Republicans? Doubtless her parents saw for her a career wearing out the knees of her pantyhose on the back staircases of the Willard. And look how well it all worked out!

Let’s all take a moment to imagine Newt naked.

Now think of Callista reluctantly relinquishing her $23,000 earrings to the Mexican maid. Now she must moisturize. But she knows the Newty is waiting. Her breasts are not what they were nor is her stomach, which tends to droop unless she wears Spanx. Donning the hotel bathrobe she leaves the bathroom and approaches the sleeping chamber. She can see Newt’s belly rising, glaucous against the darker background of the Vegas suite. She sees her husband counting over piles of banknotes donated by the nice Italian men who took them to dinner. The monstrous globes of his ass rear up as he thrusts the banknotes off the bed to make room for his goddess. Approaching the bed she lets the bathrobe slip from her bony shoulders to land in a puddle around her ankles. Light from beyond the window causes the emerald/diamond tennis bracelet she wears to catch fire. Newt is breathing shallowly, stroking his belly and reaching lower to the dark place between his thighs where his imperious member demands attention. Not quite four inches long, it takes nothing of her attention to swallow it whole before it deflates into a puddle of gristle tucked up under his belly. She wonders how much damage will be done to her hairdo before she will be allowed to prop herself on the pillow to watch Carson, Newt’s hand on her bony thigh caressing her secret place. All in all it hasn’t been such a bad bargain: two or three minutes a week for cock in mouth while he hopes he can keep it hard long enough to make it spit its meagre allotment of rancid jizz against tasty Tiffany bijoux.

Let’s hope that slut Cindy McCain sees her necklace next time they stay with them. Callista does not approve of Cindy. Or her pert breasts. Or the way they force you to look at them while everyone is enjoying adult beverages. What does she want, Callista demands of herself? Must I take her sweet rosebuds in my mouth and lave them with my spit till they swell in my mouth like gymnasts’ pudenda? If only Newt was man enough to take her from behind and use her like the tramp she truly was. In the meantime, she had the riding crop she had packed to use on Cindy.

@Benedick HRH KFC: I’m making a heroic effort to keep dinner down.

Looking at that picture.. I remember lipstick on my cock… strap-on up my ass… good times.

@Benedick HRH KFC:
Vivid. Horrifying.

@Benedick HRH KFC: Um. Wow. I am so impressed that you used the word “glaucous” in a post. That’s worth something. Oh, and the rest of that Harlequin romance nightmare – you just summed up DC in less than 500 words.

Bravo!

P.S. When you get a sec, pass a note in the back of the classroom to me at sanfranlefty [at] stinque [dot] com and your favorite ALW-lover at nojo [at] stinque [dot] com. I have a proposition for you.

@SanFranLefty: I have a proposition for you.

What, “Ask An Anonymous Romance Novelist”?

add: I too enjoyed “glaucous”. “Gymnasts’ pudenda” made me squirm a bit, but it fits the piece, such as.

@Benedick HRH KFC: a masterpiece! a triumph! my favorite part was the bit about her wearing out the knees of her pantyhose on the back staircases of the Willard. with such a perfervid imagination at work late in the evening, did you manage to get any sleep last night?

@lynnlightfoot: I had troubled dreams because of his line, “Imagine Newt Gingrich naked.”

@Benedick HRH KFC: BRAVO! you dazzle me mums, though i thought you were too generous using “bijoux.”

@Yo! JNOV Raps!: her wax likeness will look more life-like. she scares me too., and not much scares us.

@SanFranLefty: dear god ewwwww..!

@Benedick HRH KFC:
But which “Carson” do you mean? Johnny or Daly? The former is a nice touch of nostalgia and is perhaps more evocative of a middle aged couple, such as the Gingriches, coupling in the evening in front of the teevee. How do you think this would play on the big screen?
I would also like to read your chapter on the sixteen year old Newt and his high school geometry teacher( first wife.)

@texrednface: I was thinking Johnny.