The Inhuman Comedy

We’ve been reading WorldNetDaily for three years, ever since we became a ~~blog thief~~ Accredited Bloviator. And not once in those three years — not once — have we been shocked by their extremist buffoonery.

Until now.

And we mean shocked. Not “shocked”. Not hipster ironic airquote meta commentary on tabloid journalism “shocked”. Shocked. Jaw-dropping, put down the iPad and step outside for a smoke shocked.

Did we mention stomach-churning? Maybe that’s overdoing it.

Our protagonist is Jerome Corsi, whose upcoming book, Where’s the Birth Certificate?, went down faster than a porn-loving terrorist a few weeks ago. Of course, since WND has never let facts get in the way of a good conspiracy theory, they’ve been attacking the original certificate as a fraud, focusing on the easily explained “anomaly” of its mis-sequenced serial number as the smoking gun.

See, there are these twins born a week later who have lower serial numbers, and pre-numbered blank forms are what the Socialists want you to think.

In his exhaustive search for more irrelevant data points, Corsi has turned up Virginia Sunahara, who was born the same day as Barack Obama.

And who, unlike Barack Obama, died the next.

Are we clear about this? Virginia Sunahara lived one day.

You can understand why Jerome Corsi would be desperate to see her birth certificate: America needs to know! The fate of the Kenyan Usurper hangs in the balance!

And so Jerome Corsi did what any enterprising conspiracy theorist would do:

He called her mother.

We’ll let you pause for a refreshing American Spirit before we continue.

Back so soon? Then let’s hear it from the ass’s mouth:

WND contacted Virginia’s mother Clara, 83, who is living in Wahiawa on Oahu.

Clara told WND by telephone she did not have Virginia’s birth certificate and she was not interested in applying to the Hawaii Department of Health to see what birth records might be on file regarding her daughter.

What? You need another smoke? Those things will kill ya.

In case you missed it, here’s the instant replay: Alleged human Jerome Corsi picked up a phone, dialed, asked to speak to an 83-year-old woman, confirmed he had her on the line, then asked her for the birth certificate of her dead infant daughter.

On the eve of the fiftieth anniversary of her infant daughter’s death.

And all for this:

Is it possible that if Obama’s birth records were forged, the perpetrator used Virginia Sunahara’s birth certificate number, knowing the girl was long dead and the family was unlikely to know or complain?

Well, yes, that certainly would be monstrous if true. Almost as monstrous as calling an elderly woman about her dead infant daughter because you have some product to move.

It’s moments like this, when we’re jaw-droppingly shocked, that we can do little more than quote Margie Gunderson at the end of Fargo: “And here ya are, and it’s a beautiful day. Well, I just don’t understand it.”