John Ensign: The Naughty Bits

Our guest columnist is in desperate need of a cold shower.

The Hamptons moved to Las Vegas in 2004. According to Ms. Hampton, it “was their [Doug and Senator Ensign’s] dream to always live by each other.” Further, per Ms. Hampton, Senator Ensign and Mr. Hampton sought to facilitate a relationship between their families to “walk through life together,” a term used by the [C Street] International Foundation spiritual advisors to Senator Ensign…

In November 2007, the Hampton home in Summerlin, Nevada was burglarized during the daytime. Although they were in Nevada at the time, none of the Hampton family members were home at the time of the incident. The burglars entered the home by breaking into the downstairs guest bathroom, and they stole electronics and jewelry. When Mr. Hampton came home, he saw that the front door to the home was left open, and suspected that something had occurred. Ms. Hampton was afraid to stay in the home, and the Ensigns offered to let the Hamptons stay in their home until the door was repaired and Ms. Hampton felt safe to return to the home. Senator Ensign said “well, you guys are going to have to come and stay with me.”

The extramarital affair between Senator Ensign and Ms. Hampton began after the Hamptons moved into the Ensigns’ home following the burglary…

Senator Ensign initiated the affair by contacting Ms. Hampton and asking her to meet with him. She asked Senator Ensign if he “lost [his] mind,” and he replied “yes.” Senator Ensign was very persistent and relentless in pursuing Ms. Hampton. According to Ms. Hampton, Senator Ensign “just [wouldn’t] stop,” and “kept calling and calling,” and “would never take no for an answer.”

Ms. Hampton was in a vulnerable emotional state and a “mess” at the time Senator Ensign was pursuing her, as her home had been burglarized, a family member was undergoing medical treatment, and Mr. Hampton’s travel schedule back and forth to Washington gave them little time to be together. Ms. Hampton ultimately yielded to Senator Ensign’s pleas. Senator Ensign and Ms. Hampton met “periodically on the weekends” during the affair…

Mr. Hampton found out about the affair on December 23, 2007, while he and his wife were on the way to the airport to pick up their son for the holidays. Senator Ensign was in a separate car on the way to the airport to greet the Hamptons’ son as well. While waiting in his car as Ms. Hampton went to pick up their son’s girlfriend from her home on the way to the airport, Mr. Hampton saw that his wife left her cell phone in the car and he viewed a text message from Senator Ensign to Ms. Hampton that made clear an affair was occurring. Press reports indicate the text message stated “How wonderful it is … Scared, but excited.”

When Ms. Hampton came back to the car, Mr. Hampton stated “I know what you and John are doing.” Mr. Hampton then called Senator Ensign and said that he knew what was happening. Senator Ensign did not inform Darlene Ensign at the time. When the cars were parked in the airport parking lot, Mr. Hampton jumped out of his car and chased Senator Ensign in the airport parking lot. Ms. Hampton went into the airport and sat there for “hours.” Ms. Hampton later took a taxi back to her home. Once she was home, Mr. Hampton sought to get the couples together to talk about what occurred.

On December 24, 2007, the Hamptons went to the Ensigns’ home, and the four adults met in Senator Ensign’s home office. Both Senator Ensign and Ms. Hampton stated that the affair would stop, and Senator Ensign wept and apologized. The Ensigns and Hamptons then had a meeting with their children. The families then celebrated Christmas together. According to Ms. Hampton, had Senator Ensign stopped pursuing her at that time, as he had committed to do before both families, the affair would have ended at that time.

In January 2008, Senator Ensign began texting Ms. Hampton again, and the affair resumed. Ms. Hampton was very despondent during this time frame. Senator Ensign gave Ms. Hampton $3,000 in cash to purchase items for herself and to use for hotel rooms in Las Vegas that Ms. Hampton reserved in her name at his request for their clandestine meetings, because “it always had to be under my name, it could never be under his name.”

Senator Ensign told Ms. Hampton on more than one occasion that he wanted to marry her. Senator Ensign told Ms. Hampton that he wanted to marry her while they attended the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington.

During a Congressional Delegation trip (a “CODEL”) to Iraq and Afghanistan from February 7, 2008 to February 12, 2008, Senator Ensign repeatedly contacted Ms. Hampton. Telephone bills from the calls she received from Senator Ensign while he was on the CODEL totaled nearly $1,000. Senator Ensign gave Ms. Hampton money to pay the telephone bill, and Ms. Hampton obtained a cashier’s check to make the payment. Mr. Hampton, who was also on the trip, became aware of the continued contact between Senator Ensign and Ms. Hampton. He asked to borrow Senator Ensign’s cell phone to call Ms. Hampton, and Senator Ensign scrolled to a name listing for “Aunt Judy” rather than Ms. Hampton’s real name. The call history on the phone also disclosed to Mr. Hampton that the affair was continuing.

When Mr. Hampton returned from the CODEL trip, he immediately sought the assistance of Tim Coe, Senator Ensign’s long-time spiritual advisor, to assist with ending the affair. Mr. Coe recommended that they bring in a “higher authority, someone much bigger than me,” and approached Senator Tom Coburn. Senator Coburn was also a resident of the C Street Center, and was a close spiritual and personal confidant to Tim Coe and to Senator Ensign…

At that confrontation, Senator Ensign agreed to write what appeared to be a sincerely apologetic letter to Ms. Hampton ending the affair. Senator Ensign wrote the letter, and Mr. Sherman mailed it from a Federal Express mailing facility. After it was mailed, Senator Ensign immediately called Ms. Hampton to alert her about the confrontation and to tell her to disregard the letter, which he had written only for the benefit of the men who were confronting him.

On February 16, 2008, two days after the intervention, Tim Coe received a call from Doug Hampton. Mr. Hampton was looking for the Senator to have him sign some documents for the NRSC, and saw his car and Ms. Hampton’s car parked in a parking lot of a hotel close to their Summerlin neighborhood. Mr. Coe “pleaded with him [Hampton] to go home.” Mr. Coe called Senator Ensign and stated “I know exactly where you are. I know exactly what you are doing. Put your pants on and go home.” Senator Ensign initially said he would not leave the hotel room, telling Mr. Coe “I can’t, I love her [Ms. Hampton].” Senator Ensign ultimately agreed to leave the hotel. After he left the hotel, Senator Ensign told Mr. Coe that he wanted to marry Ms. Hampton.

The following day, February 17, 2008, Mr. and Ms. Hampton went to Senator Ensign’s home early in the morning to talk about the affair. Darlene Ensign was in California at the time with her daughter. Mr. Hampton wanted the affair to stop, and wanted “things to go back to how they were.” It was “not a good meeting” because Senator Ensign stated that he was in love with Ms. Hampton and wanted to marry her and that Doug could not work for him any longer. According to Ms. Hampton, the Senator subsequently told her that her husband had to leave the Senate office because he did not want Doug to be aware of the Senator’s schedule, and that Senator Ensign would place fictitious events on his schedule so he could meet with Ms. Hampton…

The affair continued after the February 17, 2008 meeting in the Ensign home and after Senator Ensign moved out of his home to live with his parents. Senator Ensign gave Ms. Hampton money to purchase two new cellular phones to be used exclusively so that they could communicate without detection. Records from these phones were retrieved and showed numerous text messages from Senator Ensign to Ms. Hampton. Specifically, 76 text messages were exchanged between Senator Ensign and Ms. Hampton from March 7, 2008 to March 10, 2008. Darlene Ensign became aware of these new phones, and they were disconnected. Senator Ensign wanted to buy two more phones, but Ms. Hampton declined because she did not want the contact to continue.

Senator Ensign also created email accounts with fictitious names in order to email Ms. Hampton, including “,” “,” and “” Senator Ensign called Ms. Hampton multiple times during this period from various locations at the Capitol, the Senate gym, and from New York while on a fund-raising trip…

Senator Ensign sent Ms. Hampton an email on April 1, 2008 asking whether “it is possible to talk,” and stated it “concerns your job and a few loose ends.” Ms. Hampton was “shaking” when she got the email, and called Senator Ensign because she believed it was about her job, which he knew she was fearful of losing. When she called, Senator Ensign stated that “he missed me and wanted to still see me,” thus using Ms. Hampton’s job as a ruse to speak with her and confess further feelings to her. Ms. Hampton was upset, but believed that “honestly in the back of my mind, I just thought John would never hurt our family.”

According to Ms. Hampton, the affair continued very sporadically, with one meeting in June and one in July 2008 for a “very short visit.” Ms. Hampton felt that she was not a healthy person at that time, and her attitude during these meetings was that “my life is ruined, so whatever,” and that she agreed to see the Senator only because his persistence wore her down. Although Ms. Hampton continually told Senator Ensign to stop contacting her, he ignored her wishes. This was frustrating to her because “if he would have just left me alone, it would have ended back in December.” Ms. Hampton sent Senator Ensign an email in August 2008 imploring him to stop contacting her because her “life and family is in shambles.” Ms. Hampton never heard from Senator Ensign again. Ms. Hampton saw Senator Ensign at her children’s graduation from high school in 2008, but has not seen him since that event.

In addition to filing for divorce, Ms. Hampton recently filed for bankruptcy and is presently moving out of California to work for a Christian organization.

Report of the Preliminary Inquiry [Senate Ethics Committee, PDF]

The extramarital affair between Senator Ensign and Ms. Hampton began after the Hamptons moved into the Ensigns’ home following the burglary…

Wow, this is just about the same sort of thing one finds on Jerry Springer, only there it’s usually more like, “I let this dude who was fresh outta prison move into my trailer, and now my wife’s sleeping with him!”

On December 24, 2007, the Hamptons went to the Ensigns’ home, and the four adults met in Senator Ensign’s home office. Both Senator Ensign and Ms. Hampton stated that the affair would stop, and Senator Ensign wept and apologized.

In January 2008, Senator Ensign began texting Ms. Hampton again, and the affair resumed

Shortest New Year’s resolution ever.

There is so much comedy that can be mined from this story.

“Put your pants on and go home.” Often said that myself. Catt has it on a card he keeps in his wallet.

This is hilarious. Other people’s affairs are always boring but this has a dimension of self-unawareness that lifts it to a level approaching Feydeau. I imagine Darlene smashing all his golf trophies while a sedated Ms Hampton wandered the hallways of Ramada Inns humming I’m Jest a Gal Who Cain’t Say No to herself while she waited for the senator to arrive.

Calling in the big morals guy is bliss. As indeed is ignorance.

And what is it with this guys? They’re always crying and begging forgiveness. Pussies.

@ManchuCandidate: Werd.

@Benedick HRH KFC:
I agree. What’s the deal with him crying and begging? Is he like 5?

And Ron Paul – aka. the sane one of the family (and there’s a sentence I never thought I’d write) – has thrown his hat in the ring. Hooray! Will we have a repeat of the paultard balloon? God I hope so.

@Benedick HRH KFC: All we need is Kucenich to run and our entertainment will be locked on for the next five months.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That:
Between the hilarity of Kuce getting run over by an olive and the hotness of his wife. Yes.

@Benedick HRH KFC:
agreed. it has everything. i adore the crying and begging part!
my dear god i could never ever ever ever run for office.

i’ve been very busy trying to evict a 6 foot barracuda who has taken up light housekeeping in MY cove. yes, really.

@ManchuCandidate: The psychology of Conservatives is so mired in feelings of secret inadequacy and guilt for having sexual desires at all that when they get caught acting out they lose it completely. Those aren’t tears of the moment- those are tears borne of years of hiding. Those are the tears of a man who believes his terrible secret self is finally on display.

@baked: Ah, darling, two word for you: OG Kush. It won’t get rid of the fish but it will get rid of you caring about it.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That:
is this a medication of which i am unfamiliar? IMPOSSIBLE!
tell! tell! my stoner comrade!

@baked: It is a strain of Boo. The best strain of Boo, IMHO, maybe second to Fire Kush bit that’s about it. It is $76.00 an eighth, but worth it at twice the price. Nice head/body buzz, fragrant without being skunky, really an elegant smoke.

My favorite detail: when he gets kicked out of the house, he moves in with his parents. What middle-aged man does that? Also, all the cloak-and-dagger stuff that is one the level of Jethro Bodean, double-aught spy (for those old enough to get that reference).

@Mistress Cynica:
i love all Clampett references. do you think he moved into the basement?

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That:
sounds delicious! rat is screaming, must run, but TBC…..

Did you guys see this yet? Minnesota high-school sophomore challenges Crazy-Eyes Bachmann to a Constitutional debate

I’ll give you 10:1 odds the high-schooler wins, but runs out of the room crying anyway.

@IanJ: I hope someone calls the paramedics when Bachmann starts spewing a word salad that sounds like she’s either having a stroke or quoting a Beck song.

“Horizontal horse basket freedom!”

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That:
so. i would have no way of acquiring such a delight here on gilligans isle, however i’m in a forest of the finest weed, 3rd generation now of my amsterdam seeds. harvest is months away and i just had to lower myself and pick up a brick of shitty jamaican while i wait. once you experience the finest it’s tough to enjoy anything else. we’re growing enough now so that i won’t have resort to this, we’re emboldened now to grow more plants. i wish i could shoot a pic to the sandbox and make you say ooooh! my camera broke, i’ll see what i can do with my phone camera, and this new computer i’m still at odds with.
try to locate some Super Silver Haze or White Widow which is what we’re growing. it’s Divine!! would like your review!

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: I had a box of real Cuban cigars once. They made my whole body glow, just like when I had some Jim Beam that had aged at least 20 years in an unopened decanter. That shit was like hash (so I’m told).

@baked: Maybe you should get a bowfishing rig. You could paddle out on a kayak and go hunting, correcting for the parallax when shooting of course. Cabela’s has $5 shipping this weekend.

reds, i don’t need a kayak, the damn thing is hovering a few feet off the beach! it was right next to my dock and i tried skewering it with my machete, which didn’t work. i think i can get a spear gun here, which is really what i need. thanks for the link! stay tuned…baked v barracuda.

@baked: I’ve had White Widow Hash, they sell it my dispensary. It’s hard to compare hash to regular weed- the effect is very different (not much of a body high, much trippier as it is more concentrated). I like the white widow because it isn’t a real dopy high- you are alert, there’s not a lot of attendant laziness.

My favorite hash is Shiva Crystals, which is as close to pure THC as you are going to get. Pricy though, $75.00 a gram.

@redmanlaw: Lagavulen 16 year does that for me. I hear tell you can buy a 25 year but it is beyond my meager means.

@baked: You put this dope stuff where your mother can see it? *sigh* Can I be proud just once? That stuff will fry your brains, darling. Remember aunt Sylvia? She thought it was all sugar pie and rainbows till the cops in Vegas caught up with her in the parking lot of the Bellagio. Vegas cops are not very nice. The only reason she is not right this minute on a chain gang cleaning out dental floss from recyclables on the city landfill is your father charmed them. They like your father fine enough. Everyone likes your father. Why not? He’s Mr Nice Guy. Mr. Charm. Does he lie awake worrying about you on that island with all the dangerous aquatic wildlife? I don’t think so. That’s what you have a mother for. Plus. Why did you marry that man if he can’t catch fish? (By me he couldn’t even catch a cold but do you listen?) Tell him to make his sabra whore come deal with it. She could bite it in the neck.

If you ask me – which you won’t because I’m only your mother – darling, don’t stamp out I’m only doing this from love – I would buy a waterproof speaker, dangle it in the water and play Gratefully Dead music. Is that what you kids call it? The ones they use for torture at Gitmo. You know, Celine Dionne Warwick.

@Benedick HRH KFC:
but mum, you heard what tommie said! it’s not a dopey high! it keeps you alert and productive, just takes the edge off. i promise you my darling, i will never end up back in rehab and make you suffer like that ever again!
(dave chappelle does a great bit about going to a meeting, and saying , “my name is dave and i am addicted to weed” and the whole room gets up, attacks him and throws him out!) so see? no worries!!!
as for the fish, it has met it’s match. as you well know, pest removal is my specialty..husbands, sabra whores, etc.

@baked: You would trust a man who wears assless chaps?

@Walking Still: I need pictures. Also some kind of spanking waiver. Or not.

@Benedick HRH KFC:
he is in the garden as we speak feeding my weed bone meal with his ass blowing in the wind. full monty. he has gone wild i tell ya. the only thing he is wearing is the sparkle rubber-band holding his mid back ponytail together. *sigh*

@Walking Still:
definitely not.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That:
have you heard? bin laden is just like you and me!
let’s take our next hit in honor of the dead head!

@baked: I will take a toke as he’s now a dead bloke!

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

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