To the Moon, Brooke!

It’s not that we care about the Estevez Spawn who didn’t star in Repo Man (okay, fine — or The Breakfast Club), it’s that we keep stumbling across shrapnel we just can’t ignore:

“The fact is, during Mr. Sheen’s recent criminal case in Aspen, Colo., the studio was willing to have him plead to a felony and still take him back while charges were pending against him,” says [lawyer Marty] Singer. “Yet in this case, all my client did was make alleged disparaging remarks about [producer] Chuck Lorre.”

The fact is, Marty’s right: Sheen was charged with felony menacing after a Christmas 2009 fight with his wife, Brooke Mueller. He eventually cut a deal and pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault.

But to get the full flavor of that episode, let’s revisit the original account:

She alleged he grabbed her throat and held a knife to it while pinning her down, saying he’d kill her if she told anyone, according to police. The fight had escalated after Mueller, 32, threatened to divorce the actor, she told police.

Granted, Charlie Sheen is no Bob Crane, but that’s what Lawyer Marty — and a Hollywood lawyer could only be named Marty — is talking about: Hey, what’s the big deal? My client copped a plea to beating his wife, and nobody gave a shit!

Homestly, it couldn’t have been scripted better by Paddy Chayefsky.

Charlie Sheen Fired from Two and a Half Men [People]

Hollywood people are better than you and me which is why the justice system treats them the same way. Saner. Logical. Addiction free. No issues of entitlement. Strong sense of morals. Respect for others.

This just in:

Alan Simpson is a scatmuncher

OK, not really – but anybody who manages to get in *two* references to that region in a particular quote is probably thinking about it more than most…

Anna from Jezebel had a great op-ed on The Disposable Woman in the Sheen stories. Yet another reason why I can’t follow or laugh at the clusterfuck of enabled self-destruction and untreated mental illness.

@al2o3cr: Classic. My dad (who is about a generation removed from Simpson) made the same enema/Eminem gaffe once.

I was going to make a Marty Singer reference yesterday but figured that only Catt would get it, so I let it go. And now Nojo leads with it. Marty is the leading big-name talent-side litigator in LA. We used to litigate against him at my old firm. He’s good.

@SanFranLefty: I was gonna say this is right up their alley.

@Capt Howdy: That was great. I’m going to paint a smiley face on a grapefruit right now.

@Dodgerblue: Does he smoke cigars? Because he has to smoke cigars.

@Capt Howdy: #2. But it’s more like, the client rejected my brilliant first idea, so my second idea is going to be exactly what the client wants. Thank god I don’t have to sign my name to it.

oh sure, he’ll slur racial, but when he needs a good lawyer…who does he call? if marty screws up, he’ll be calling him menachem. what a putz.
just read an article about RML’s fave jewess, natalie portman, who is writing a book called “stars of david”
hey charlie, hey mel, jews OWN hollywood, bitchez!!!
mel gibson’s new hollywood blockbuster!!!….crickets crickets crickets….

@al2o3cr: Alan Simpson, ugh! If you didn’t already know that he’s a shit, his overflowing contempt for just about everybody would tip you off. He can scarcely mention another human being or group of humans without disparaging them.

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