Yesterday’s News

“The other day, as we were musing around a conference table, someone asked a straight forward and seemingly naïve question: why don’t people read print newspapers as much as they once did?”

  • Inky fingers.
  • Parade no longer dependable source of cutting-edge content.
  • Publishers censored controversial Family Circus strips one too many times.

  • Dewey lost.
  • The Daily Planet-Daily Bugle merger into Planet Bugle confused audience.
  • Ugly rumors that “Picayune” is a Satanic ritual.
  • Hildy Johnson’s transformations from man to woman to man were too much for readers to handle.
  • Papier-mâché recipe ran in Food section by mistake.
  • Puppy grew up.
  • Since per-capita newspaper readership has been declining since 1947, you might try blaming newsreels.
Gen Y’s reality is print newspapers’ challenge [International Newsmedia Marketing Association]

The LA Times is so skimpy now that its value even as catbox liner is minimal.

The loss of paperboys who run around screaming “Extra! Extra! Read all about it!”

Or the general illiteracy among Gen Y.


Or (in my case) because
1) the opinion sucks and the newz is more an advertorial
2) I don’t want to pay for overpriced hacks who piss me off
3) I hate Family Circus
4) I’ve already read it on the intertubes

The use of words like ‘musing.’

My local paper publishes a few stories of “local interest” to disguise the fact that you’re subscribing to Penny Saver.

@karen marie doesn’t want to know: Haha! Penny Saver! We got a craptastic lawnmower from those fools once.

TJ/ I’m getting tired of these kids. I’m sure the feeling is mutual.

The hot water line is frozen. I blame Harry Reid.

@JNOV: OK. The avatar. I know who it is and what he’s doing. Is this some truly freaky coincidence? Or are you reading my mind? Or do we live together and I haven’t noticed? (the last option is perfectly possible)

I just caught my dog smelling her own loud fart.

Good morning, everyone.

@Benedick: Did you recognize yesterday’s avatar?

I stopped reading newspapers because its much easier to go back and forth from the New York Times site to porn. Also: Less paper cuts.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: I KNEW you were gonna mention porn! KNEW. IT. Oh, and yesterday’s dude is Indonesian. We’ll have a new dude later.

@Benedick: You need an assistant. Someone’s auditioning. Imma change back to yesterday’s for a hot minute in case you’re like working or something.

@Dodgerblue: I have no problem with that. Stand by…

@Dodgerblue: Okay. Here’s Michele Yeoh wearing my shoes (bitch!). She’s gorgeous. She’s totally kick ass totally amazing! Love her!

Then, you’ve got one of the most beautiful women on the planet, Zhang Ziyi. More and more and more. (I love her ears!)

Then there’s Kelly Hu.

Be back — time to stir the chili…

@JNOV: I saw Zhang Ziyi speak at our local arthouse theater a year or so ago. Totally charming.

@Dodgerblue: I adore her!

Okay, no tatas. This is my friend’s daughter, Sessilee Lopez.

And this is Linda Evangelista. I wanted to be her when I was a teen.

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