The Plot Thickens with a Package of Chickens

Once again, for your Co-opted Pagan Winter Solstice Observance pleasure, Eugene’s favorite Christmas carol.


Did anyone here used to listen to Dr. Demento?

Okay. I’m getting a Not the MSNBC Ad for my old Friends school. Seriously creepy and time to turn on Ghostery.

Note to self: four Vicodin is perhaps too many.

@Benedick: Yikes! Repeat after me: I am not Rush Limbaugh.

Glad you’re among the living or at least awake before noon. If you want to have a good time, pop a Vicodin and watch a Clint Eastwood marathon. The movie where they paint the town red is quite trippy on opiates.

@JNOV: Yes. Remember his opening theme, “Pico and Sepulveda”? I live not far from that intersection. The band was allegedly named “Felix Figueroa And The All-Stars” — Figueroa St. is the main drag in downtown Los Angeles.

@Benedick: You got x-rayed, right? Nothing broken?

@Dodgerblue: Nothing broken. And I’m feeling a lot better today though still sore on my left side.

@JNOV: They told me one every four hours. Or was it six every four? Anyhoo, think I’ll give em a rest. I begin to understand how addictive they are.

@Dodgerblue: Sadly, I only remember the lobotomy song. His show came on pretty late on Sunday nights, and I had to keep the radio volume low so that my mom wouldn’t hear.

I know the Pico and Sepulveda intersection (I worked in Westwood), but I lived closer to Hollywood and Vine.

OH! And they’re trying to close down the Hollywood Farmers Market! Boo!

@Benedick: Oh, you didn’t take four at one time? Good. Also, get thee some Colace if you don’t have any. You’ll thank me.


Pico and Sepulveda? Is that anywhere near the llama school?

In further holiday madness, I give you The Christmas Wrong, by a (formerly) local band here in Columbus. You’ll never be able to hear the original without remembering “Jack Frost roasting on an open fire”… :)

@al2o3cr: Both links go to llama school. :-(

oh so here you are. i’m not the only one sitting around wondering why i’m not surrounded by noisy loved ones and chaotic gift opening and maxwell house coffee? rat is snoring snug in his bed. that’s as festive as it’s getting.
i thought i was alone in the universe so i’ve been writing you all a christmas tale on norad santa thread. all i asked the jolly man for was some lousy vicodin. that and world peace. do i ever get ANYthing i want? benedick, my love, if you throw vicodin in my face one more time, i’m going through your pockets when i see you.
/bah humbug
/that’s it…i’m going now to put (more) rum in my coffee

@baked: I’m looking for plausible excuses to stay home and to prevent visitors. H1N1?

i’m referring to the neighbor…

well, i’m having no trouble preventing visitors. matter of fact, i’m repelling them. and i love christmas! i’m a jew for jesus!

we thought we were so smart, having one kid. we put all our eggs in one basket. literally. then that egg gets inlaws. and you’ll wish you had had more, so one lousy kid MAY be available to show up on christmas!

Why the Vicoden? Don’t tell me that you’re now in the cast of “Spiderman: Turn Off The Light”?

happy to see you MC! what are you doing today? tell me not to be miserable. my tree blinks for no one. my lousy kids did not show up.
the house should be filled as planned with my daughter, son in law grandson and step daughter. i’m sooo bitter!

“catt pushed benedick down on the ice. he has boo boo.

@baked: My family gives me agita. And then I get to meet Firecracker’s mom. That thought gives me agita. Driving to Toms River gives me agita. I feel a migraine coming on.

@ManchuCandidate: Ha! I bet if “Spiderman: Pin Your Opponent” were playing, Bene would be quite involved.

@baked: Yeah. That Catt. He’s a wily one.

wish you were here NOW. can we please make that a firm deal? you will spend next xmas here?

@ManchuCandidate: I fell on a patch of ice and after a few days my back became extremely painful. But I’m being brave. Not a word of complaint shall pass my lips.

@baked: I notice that before I went to bed last night I did all the laundry and dishes. Apparently my idea of high-times fun. We have no one here and don’t do presents. It’s heaven. Baked salmon for lunch with brown rice garnished with toasted crumbled Vicodin.

@JNOV: H1N1 sounds like the new show from C.S.I. to me. Like it might be fun.

oh, look who just got up. we’re gonna drive around the island to see what’s open. and maybe buy each other something we can’t afford.
this is high tourist season. stores MUST be open, right? then we’ll do the traditional jewish christmas i guess–chinese food and a movie.

because i love you so much, you need to save whatever vic’s you have left for me. i’m only thinking of you, dearest. you don’t want to end up in rehab like me and rush.

@Benedick: H1N1 is preferable to the massive doses of Klonopin I’m about to ingest

nah, no it’s not! not 5 minutes ago i took my first K of the day…and it won’t be my last.
rock on sister, i’m leaving the house now to DO SOMETHING. i’m determined to make this day special somehow in addition to remaining shitfaced relaxed.

@JNOV: No, no — trust me, as one who actually has H1N1, Klonopin is way better.

So the dogs just got their presents. They are now eating the plastic having torn out the squeakers first. My thumb is bleeding from a bite and the dachshund is hiding. All’s right with the world. I’m praying for dry weather in Sandy Eggo.

@karen marie doesn’t want to know: My God! You’re having a rough time of it, karen marie. I’m sorry.

@Benedick: Smart dogs.

Now reasonably presentable to the parents. I’ll see you guys later tonight. I will be drinking when I get home. Be well, be safe, know that you’re loved, and never doubt that you enrich my life. Except for Catt. I keed. Catt, you are my meow.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: It’s not as good as valium, IMHO.

ADD: Jamie, be very afraid of the new PDX area home owner Bristol Palin:

Edward Farrell, Maricopa’s vice mayor and a fourth-generation resident, gave Todd Palin, Ms. Palin’s father, a tour of Maricopa earlier in the year and was under the impression that he was looking for a house for the entire family.

Mr Cyn and I are having the traditional Xmas morning Bloody Marys, made with the super-spicy Thai bloody mary mix from the Garlic Lady in PDX. I made eggs, bacon, and biscuits. We have no family to deal with, no presents to open, just a quiet day to sit around and eat and drink. The only conflict came when Baxter stole Mr Cyn’s bacon. Mr Cyn, not to be defeated by a mere cat, snatched it back and ate it anyway.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: It really is an excellent pain reliever. Not only do you feel no pain, absolutely nothing bothers you. You are, indeed, comfortably numb. The drawback? Extremely constipating, thus JNOV’s wise recommendation of Colace. For day-to-day life management, the benzo-diazapines (Valium, Xanax) are far superior.

@karen marie doesn’t want to know: Wait, you’re fighting swine flu on top of everything else? Hang in there…

@Mistress Cynica: I love the concept of Bloody Marys but I can’t stand tomato juice.

Pigged out last night at Xmas Eve party. I wonder if I could get a day guest-pass to work out at the JCC (they’d be open, right?)

@SanFranLefty: Well, maybe I exaggerate a tad … it’s the flu. But with my luck it will turn out to be H1N1.

It’ll get better.

I had a Xmas miracle.
I enjoyed (?) Xmas lunch at the parents house today (my sister is leaving for London tonight) and it turned out well. No yelling. No pleading “Why aren’t you married?” No why is my son such a loser?

It was great.


Crap. That’s what I get for posting before coffee.

fixed link

@Benedick: Sunny in Sandy Eggo! It’s a Christmas miracle!

@ManchuCandidate: Wow. You must feel like Baby Jesus.

@nojo: Ditto.

@ManchuCandidate: @nojo: I’m so happy for both of you–seriously. For whatever reason, this day depresses the hell out of me. Less that 10 hours til it’s over for another year. Yay!!!

@Mistress Cynica: I find that catching up on hackwork is a great distraction. Automated custom-cropped WordPress thumbnails! Joy to the World!

And really: Every day’s a holiday when you work freelance. Official holidays are when the rest of the country catches up.

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