Arts & Fornicrafts

Shaker Bake.Title: “Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People”

Author: Amy Sedaris

Rank: 32

Blurb: “Did you know that inside your featureless well-worn husk is a creative you?”

Review: “Not a craft book for the family. I love her sense of humor, and was very gung ho about getting it for my mom for chirstmas. BUT, it is kinda creepy at parts.”

Customers Also Bought: “Barbie Collector Mad Men Collection Betty Draper Doll,” by Mattel

Footnote: The Sedaris kids are tag-teaming the Amazon Top 100 this week.

Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon kickback link]


Amy and Betty Draper? WTF?

I’m starting to get disoriented today. Joe Lie a “hero” of sorts. Walnuts vomiting in rage. GOPers stunned by their walking dead turning on them. Reid growing a pair (not a very big pair.)

Of course, this is the epilogue as the gang of flying monkeys led by Orange Boner comes charging through the doors. I don’t think it is going to end well for the Orange Crush when all is said and done.

These stories are brutal, vulgar, even hateful. What’s most disappointing is that there is nothing really being said about the hypocrisy, self-centeredness, arrogance, woundedness, ignorance and other negative human traits being lived out by the hapless animals in these tales. The only commentary seems to be that people are awful, and life is misery.

Some people just can’t accept reality.

ADD: The reviews are hilarious!

My daughter’s fart jokes have more suspense and literary intrigue…


My favorite review of Amy’s book:

I did not enjoy the section on crafting accidents, either. The pictures of a mouth bloody from a knocked out tooth, a foot bleeding from numerous tacks stuck in it, a finger supposedly amputated while crafting with scissors, and an eye bleeding from a nail gun mishap just didn’t strike me as particularly funny.

As for the “crafts,” they are hideous and/or worthless pieces of trash. Do you really want to pay to learn how to cook hot dogs on a rake in your fireplace, or how to make “marshmallow stars”? (Cover toothpicks with glitter, stick them in a marshmallow, and hang the thing.) Or better yet, you can learn how to make a “Tampon Ghost.” So tasteful.

@karen marie doesn’t want to know: My favorite Amazon reviewer ever has to be the lady who purchased artificial tears (a gel) for her eye, and wound up purchasing the veterinary version and bitched about it.

Amazon reviewers confirm my general outlook on the human race: most people are stupid and should not breed.

Amy has a house rabbit named Dusty. Amy is awesome.

I need to build an ark down here in So Cal, 3 days into a week of heavy rain. Will Amy’s book help?

@Dodgerblue: Hey! No fair sending your weather down here! Take that drizzle back!

@nojo: Google “intellicast bakersfield” if you want to see something scary. BTW, off-topic, I’m now addicted to my iPad.

@Dodgerblue: LA-based StarterWife tweets…

THANKS RAIN. Water pressure all out of wack, pipe bursts in kitchen wall at 7AM, flood ensues.

I thought moving south meant never having to worry about water pipes and weather ever again.

iPad: Best business-deduction I ever spent.

@Dodgerblue: best present I ever got, except maybe the Erector Set when I was 8.

@blogenfreude: Loved my Erector Set as a kid.
Are you watching Giants v Vick? Giants just scored again.

SoSoCal update: Heavy drizzle passes. Neighborhood erupting with raucous laughter at L.A.

@nojo: Raining buckets in Santa Monica. Am looking for my wetsuit and flippers.

@Dodgerblue: @nojo: Pish posh, you wimps. It has stopped raining for only about a total of an hour in the past three days. We’re forecast to have 10 inches in the week of rain by Friday. Good news for ski resorts, salmon spawning, and agriculture, esp since this was supposed to be a dry winter.

@SanFranLefty: Great for wildflowers. Already planning my Spring photo trips.

@Dodgerblue: I hope he’s watching Stillers v Jets. Revis and Cromardie who?

Jeez, the way you folks in SoCal are complaining about rain I’d hate to imagine what you guys would do with snow or temps less than 10C (50 degrees F for you unfamiliar with the socialist and eelightist metric system.) I figure mass panic and hysteria.*

*Just kidding.

SoSoCal update: It’s dark. Strange tapping noises outside. Poked head out door. Determined that Heaven is leaking. Called plumber.

@nojo: Right? I pay too much rent down here to have a leaky firmament.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One and nojo: Thanks to the neverending deluge, we discovered a dry rot issue in the kitchen a few hours ago. Not good. Whole exterior wall may need to be replaced. Mr. SFL still freaking out. In my usual coping response, I’m opening another bottle of wine.

Crazy weekend. Mrs RML’s uncle died this evening (dude was with the Teamsters in Vegas in the 60s and 70s, so he was a badass in his day), ran back to the ancestral home land for a day, got our tree, got an end of the year crunch looming. Working three days this week, three next week plus Christmas out of town and a funeral. I should get to bed. I think I’ll need the rest.

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