Black Friday Shopping Tips
- Babies make excellent hostages.
- Don’t feel guilty. Other shoppers don’t feel pain.
- Take the oldest car you can. When fighting for the last parking space, the other driver will have more to lose.
- Tasers are your friends.
- You can easily cut in front of a long checkout line if you wear a keffiyeh.
- Cleats provide superior traction over fleshy backsides.
- Say it with mace.
- If you don’t bring home a Kinect, your family will shun you.
- You could poke out someone’s eye with that. But you won’t know for certain until you try.
- Material goods are no substitute for happi— oh, who are we kidding.
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