Security Theater Gets Up Close and Very Personal

The Atlantic’s Jeffrey Goldberg requests a pat-down instead of a body scan from a TSA agent at the airport, and learns he might soon prefer the other option:

“Yes, but starting tomorrow, we’re going to start searching your crotchal area” — this is the word he used, “crotchal” — “and you’re not going to like it.”

“What am I not going to like?” I asked.

“We have to search up your thighs and between your legs until we meet resistance,” he explained.

“Resistance?” I asked.

“Your testicles,” he explained.

Later, on board, all the dudes swear he didn’t make it past the knees.

For the First Time, the TSA Meets Resistance [Atlantic]

I’m not looking forward to being sacked by the TSA.

I wonder what TSA would do if one showed up a the checkpoint with a squeaky dog toy stuffed in the “crotchal area” of the pants.

The shock on the groperagentsecurity-theater-performer’s face would be priceless…

Am I alone in being unperturbed by the full-body scan? If it will get me through security faster and keep me from having to take off my shoes, hacket/sweater, scarf, belt, etc., I’m all for it. Considering how most Americans would look naked, I’d say the TSA agents are to be pitied. They’ll probably have complete breakdowns after two months, need treatment for PTSD, and never, ever, ever want to have sex again.

What will they do when confronted by a guy in a utilikilt?

How much I learn from Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me … you can buy pasties to protect your private parts from becoming public parts. You can even put messages on them – “only my boyfriend sees me naked” or maybe “objects in the scanner are larger than they appear”.

@IanJ: Shot on sight, as befits all utilikilt-wearers.

@Mistress Cynica: Word. It’s bad enough having to see the other people in the airport* when they’re fully clothed.

*Does not apply to pretteh foreign airports with pretteh foreign peoples.

Next time, I’ll ask for a pat down and start moaning very loudly like I’m having an orgasm. You know, just for fun.

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