Cannibal Anarchy Begins

Well, okay, not quite. More like field-testing:

Russian bears have grown so desperate after a scorching summer they have started digging up and eating corpses in municipal cemetries, alarmed officials said today. Bears’ traditional food — mushrooms, berries and the odd frog — has disappeared, they added.

Once offshore R&D is completed, the next phase will involve American cemeteries and Tea Party activists. Researchers hope that by ridding graveyards of their inhabitants, the chances of a Zombie Apocalypse will be greatly reduced. And with other species disappearing at an alarming rate, delicious McCorpses may be our only hope for survival.

Russian bears treat graveyards as ‘giant refrigerators’ [Guardian UK, via Yahoo]

More species slide to extinction [BBC]


@al2o3cr: Not to be picky, but that’s Bill Clinton’s and Mike Huckabee’s old turf in Arkansas and not Alabama. Let’s give credit where credit is due. I’m certain Alabama will pick up the slack very shortly.

@Dave H: I would say that I would rather have my enemies hurl virulent vitriol at me than passive hatred but the vitriol is killing people.

yep al2o3cr is correct. ark not ala. and not a surprise to me having been born and raised there.

Is the site experiencing a spike in traffic? Because this post is full of keywords that the necrophagobestalist base of the republican party search for in their “private moments” .

This ones for you, FCS.

I done tole yas. The famous words, from Jaws: “we’re gonna need a bigger boat.” For the medical marijuana growing operation from which we will generate revenue, of course! There is no law on the high seas! Remember the Tyson-Secretariat fight?

RML, we’re going to need to be heavily armed, to protect the crop from zombies, you shall be master of armaments and Lord High Prefect of Artillery! Internal security shall be within your domain as well; it will take all your efforts to keep Baked away from the crop!

Its the Ark, people, the Ark, the time is approaching, can’t you see it, people?

TJ: Gawker finds Christine O’Donnell’s non-intercourse one night stand in Philly. Bonus points for pictures of her in a ladybug costume.

@SanFranLefty: Since when does unwaxed = not very experienced sexually? What a maroon!

@Prommie: (A) Mossberg 500 shotguns in 12 ga. (B) electric invisible fence and shock collar.

@mellbell: I know, the guy sounds like a total douche. “Obviously” he couldn’t have sex with her after seeing her pubes? Dumbass “obviously” was suffering from too-drunk-to-fuck limp dick.

It seems that due to too much pron, str8 men under 35 think it’s normal (and attractive) for women to be completely hair-free, which I just find creepy given the pre-pubescent associations.

ADD: Speaking of hair, my Wilson beard avatar is freaking me out. I’ll change it to something less scary. (JNOV and Jamie sigh in relief).

@SanFranLefty: Here’s what that dude’s beard reminds me of.

@SanFranLefty: I didn’t care for that piece, although the ladybug costume in itself was awesome.

New ad w/photo of antennae: “See? I told you I wasn’t a witch.”

Watch her go up 5 points with support from everyone who has had a sad/bad hookup.

@SanFranLefty: @mellbell: Blech, what a douche. All I can say is this Gawker comment is dead-on:

Jesus. And this garbage is why most smart, no-nonsense women won’t enter politics. We’ve all had a boozed-induced one night stand. Two consenting adults; no one got hurt. Next thing you know you’re running for office and some douche that you only have the vaguest memory of is writing a fucking thesis on a gossip website lamenting your pubic hair status. Y’all bitch about the batshit women currently in politics. Well, you reap what you sow. You tell me what sane woman wants to deal with this shit? God, you’ve made me feel sympathetic to this idiot. Now I have a case of the ragies.

Oh, I can say one more thing: I think she looks hella cute in that ladybug costume.

@flippin eck: If it weren’t for her batshit insane political views and idiocy, she looks like she’d be fun to party with. I like the ladybug costume too, and I started laughing when she came up with the cokehead costume for the guy.

With regard to the comment – not to defend Gawker or that kiss-and-tell dude, but I doubt that this kind of story about anybody else would be on a gossip website – most “smart, non-nonsense women” would not have been going on about abstinence only, having an anti-masturbation stance, or railing against the gheyz.

@flippin eck: We’ve all had a boozed-induced one night stand.

Yes, but not all of us campaign on a Purity Platform.

I agree with the sentiment, but I don’t this is the example that demonstrates it.

@SanFranLefty: @nojo: I get that the inherent hypocrisy of a one night stand (albiet coitus-free) story about O’Donnell makes it more relevant or inviting to crow over because of her cray-cray conservatard positions. But it’s not like I can see Gawker abstaining from running this story if the author was talking about a “smart, no-nonsense” woman politician like Hillary or Nancy instead of Christine. I just think the story is icky and illustrative of the hazards for any female politician regardless of whether she’s no-nonsense or batshit insane.

@flippin eck: We don’t know where those antennae have been.

@flippin eck: But it’s not like I can see Gawker abstaining from running this story

True dat. Gawker is America’s Fleet Street.

@flippin eck & @SanFranLefty: It’s not sexism. Ever since we had to endure the Long National Nightmare of Clinton’s Penis, the men have been fair game as well (Gingrich, Livingston, Foley, Vitter, Craig, countless others). I’d say we’re equal opportunity secks skandals these days.

Oh, and then there was Illinoiz Republican congressional candidate-sexpot, Jack Ryan, whose messy divorce from Seven of Nine made all the nooz since she split with him ’cause he kept pressuring her to go to sex clubs and have orgies. I mean, dude crossed Seven of Nine. Ya gotta know that’s not gonna end well.

@Dave H:

Damnit, that’s what I get for posting before morning coffee…

@flippin eck: She should give in to her inner slut, if she’d just do that, I’d like her, she is cute, just apparently very conflicted.

Booze-induced one-night stands, that was my entire sex-life all through college, when I was even more of a dork than now. I just had no game, no rap, no charm, nothing, zero, and plus I was terrified shy awkward.

Late 30s is pretty old for picking up strange (even if all you have in mind is finger-banging) and closing bars on Halloween, ya know.

@¡Andrew!: All those examples are either gaybashers caught trolling for/having buttsecks or men whose idea of family values involves mistresses or hookers. Can you imagine a woman getting any traction, even on Gawker, if she said, “OMG I almost slept with this politician once and he doesn’t even manscape!”

@flippin eck: Well, there’s the whole Favre dong pix thing . . .

tj/Foreign Affairs/After Dark/That Italian Dude

Silvio Berlusconi today denounced as “media trash” a rapidly growing controversy over his links with a 17 year-old Moroccan girl.

Three close associates of the Italian prime minister were earlier reported to have been made suspects in an investigation into the alleged aiding and abetting of juvenile prostitution.

According to the daily La Repubblica, the girl – known as “Ruby” – was released from a police station in Milan in May, following a direct intervention by the prime minister’s office.

He’s a fan of Ted Nugent?

How much more of scumbag douche bucket can Silvio be?


Just when I’m hanging my head in shame over our country’s corrupt gummit, along comes Italy. Do ya think Bezerkaloonie will win the next parliamentary elections with 110% of the vote, or just 105%?

@¡Andrew!: What’s even worse is that we’re still giving military aid to Chad, Sudan, Yemen and the ::cough:: Democratic Republic of Congo despite their induction conscription of child soldiers.

In happier news, Paul Reubens is on Broadway doing his Pee-wee Thang! Imma write him and beg for a ticket.

@JNOV: But they’re helping us fight the war on TERRRAAAHHH!!1! Why do you hate US ‘Merikah?

Besides, we’re busy torturing and prosecuting child soldiers instead of trying to rehabilitate them:

…[A]t preliminary hearings, a former interrogator acknowledged telling Khadr, then fifteen, that a boy like him might end up gang-raped by “a bunch of big black guys and big Nazis” if he didn’t say what guards wanted to hear. Another described Khadr chained, hooded, and crying. Khadr has alleged that he was tortured. Yesterday, the judge at his tribunal said that statements he made in those circumstances were perfectly admissible. What isn’t admissible, then? And why would a court looking for the truth even want such statements?

@JNOV: Well, it’s not like we have to comply with the United Nations Charter on the Rights of the Child, since every country in the world except Somalia and us are signatories. So we can lock him up and torture him in Guantanamo without charges from ages 15 to 24. Thanks to Justice Kennedy’s opinion in Roper v. Simmons, we couldn’t kill him for allegedly throwing a hand grenade at a U.S. soldier in a battle, and the trial was going to be ugly, so a deal was reached this week where he plead guilty, will do one more year at Gitmo, and then go back to his native Canada.

@JNOV: Maybe it was that fucking poacher I ran into last weekend.

@SanFranLefty: I think I heard about this kid on NPR. He basically grew up in Al-Qaeda (in Yemen, yes?) because of his father’s involvement, and now he’s going to Canada not ever knowing what it was to be a kid.

@redmanlaw: Some dude got gored by a goat recently.

AND there some dumbass Tea Party Pageant using My Personal Idol Summer Glau’s likeness on the page describing marksmanship and CPR (the two go hand in hand, y’all!). Please let them be sued into oblivion. Or Terminated. Or Fireflied.

@JNOV: That goat had been bugging people all summer long. Wonder if it was rabid or had some other cause for anti-human aggression (a cool band name if there ever was one).

Other qualifications for Miss Liberty U Fuckin SA:

# Must speak, write, and read the English Language fluently (Sorry, Miss Teen South Carolina, such as.)
# Must be naturally born female. (heh)
# Must be CPR certified. (new protocols out this year)
# Must demonstrate proficiency in the handling, use and
safety of firearms. (Hell yeah).
# Must meet the character criteria set forth by MISS LIBERTY
AMERICA (i.e. be a blonde christian virgin Republican or Tea Partier)
# Must have a minimum G.P.A. of 3.5 out of a 4.0 (or have a smiley face from your local home school)
# Must submit to a criminal background check.
# Must never have been convicted of a felony (or, like my friend whose uncle ran racetracks used to say ‘been charged many times, but never convicted)
# Must sing, dance or play an instrument. (“Worked the pole? Um . . . “)
# Must NEVER have posed nude in any photo or any recorded
medium. (“It’s not a ‘pose’ if I was moving all the time in the video(s), right?”)
# Must never have been employed or involved with any nudity
or pornography. (Taking a bath or shower must be a bitch.)
# Must never have given birth to a child, can not be pregnant
or be a parent.
# Must not be married, must never have been married, and
must never have had a marriage annulled.
# Must be physically fit and have sound mental health to meet
the job requirements.

@redmanlaw: People had been bugging that goat. Those goats don’t even belong there. Vive la révolution de chèvre!

@redmanlaw: “Must never have given birth to a child, can not be pregnant or be a parent.

Isn’t that going to encourage the ladiez to kill their unborn babies? Doesn’t say anything about having an abortion or taking the baby pesticide pills. (Rep. Chris Smith (R-NJ) once referred to oral contraceptives as “baby pesticide,” I shit thee not).

@SanFranLefty: Alien abductees whose offspring were RIPPED FROM THE WOMB FOR UNSPEAKABLE PURPOSES are eligible.

@SanFranLefty: @redmanlaw: I dunno. The woman in the swimsuit photo is giving of eau de RU-486. And you get TWO CROWNS or something. Or they ripped two crown pictures off some site. And the rifle and hand gun of your choice!

Meet the Executive Team.

ADD: Someone remind me to send in that picture of Jr in a dress once the application process opens.


That last one may be tricky, although I guess teabaggerism hasn’t made it into the DSM yet.

On the other hand, what evidence does their site offer that they *aren’t* secretly planning to use the contestants to stock their Dr. Strangelove mineshaft? ;)

@flippin eck: I can tell just by glancing at that comment that the post was cross-posted to Jezebel.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: And Jalopnik and Gizmodo, which inspired many questions as to why it had been cross-posted there. Most likely reason offered, besides simply whoring out the post for page-views, was “well they drove in a car” and “they took pictures using a camera.”

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