Welcome to the New New Plutocracy

In news that will make you sigh and say, “well, shit” because you already all knew it, the 2009 census data shows that the gap between rich people and the poors is bigger than ever.  You are welcome to greet this news by either:

  • Donning your suit made from diamonds and the skin of poor people, and dancing the foxtrot, for celebration.
  • Wishing this news were printed on real paper, so you could burn it for fuel. You’ll  subsequently get kicked off the public library’s computer because that one librarian always thinks you’re masturbating, because sometimes you masturbate at the library, because it is a quiet refuge in your crowded shitstain of a life.  Because you are poor.
  • Clinging to the last vestiges of middle class existence.  Wishing haplessly to be elevated into the ranks of the top 1%, but realizing you’ll probably die penniless and dirty, of scurvy or cholera or something.

Anyway, if you are part of the shrinking middle class, uh congratulations?

Census Finds Record Gap Between Rich and Poor [Yahoo]

See now this is why I’m glad I made the decision a few months back to become rich. That is the American Dream, after all. And I’m sorry but if you are poor you only have yourself to blame. I’d suggest setting your alarm an hour earlier and using the time to play the market. Being rich is a choice that’s open to anyone. You just have to want it really really hard, click your heels together three times and you’ll be in Palm Beach before you can say Limbaugh.

It’s easy, people. You’re just not really trying.

@Benedick Arnuldsson Manpants:
If you believe it will happen then it CAN!!! Right?

Sorry, ordinary envious people who loves money and believes that they belong with the plutocracy. I’ve gone to school with many Canada City plutocrats. They don’t like me, but they really don’t like you trying to join their eelight club and messing up the furniture with your poor taste in clothes and food.

I’ve noticed (and I’m pretty sure many before me have, too) is that the only thing worse than “Old” money is “New” Money.

Dynastic wealth is every American’s birthright. If you refuse to acquire it, you are simply proving your hatred for America and your allegiance to Al Qaeda and their collaborators, the Democrats and Obama.

You are assuming that the libraries will still actually be open.

Don’t you people realize that it is immoral to expect the rich to pay higher taxes than the poor?

In other news, “cream pie” is a search term blacklisted by Google.

I guess we blame this guy.

@rptrcub: Or that there will be any more public libraries – privatization of traditional state functions like prison management, foster care, and fighting wars has been such a smashing success, why not take it to libraries.

@karen marie: My new profession – entarteur.

@ManchuCandidate: I love it when the Ralph Lifschitz Lauren catalogue celebrates old black money with shoots on Nantucket on the grounds of old family plantations estates.

The change, it had to come
We knew it all along
We were liberated from the fold, that’s all
And the world looks just the same
And history ain’t changed
‘Cause the banners, they are flown in the next war…

I’ll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I’ll get on my knees and pray
We don’t get fooled again
Don’t get fooled again
No, no!


Meet the new boss
Same as the old boss

The Who, “Won’t Get Fooled Again”, on Who’s Next?, 1971

@Benedick Arnuldsson Manpants:

There’s a very easy joke there, but I have sworn off making fun of people until the new year dawns.

Breaking – Jimmy Carter hospitalized

“This is CNN”:

President Jimmy Carter has been transferred to Metro Health Hospital in Cleveland, Ohio, after experiencing an unknown health issue on a flight to the city, an airport spokesperson said.

Jackie Mayo, the public information officer for Cleveland Hopkins International Airport, said the 39th president was transferred to the hospital at approximately 11:30am ET after paramedics met Carter’s plane upon its arrival.

@SanFranLefty: Oh, I thought something you read on Politico gave you an upset stomach, like “Yet Another Article on How Our Republic is Circling the Drain” (add, if from a lefty perspective: “Because Evil Corporations are Pulling the Stings Making Bad Shit Like Fox News and the Fucking Tea Party Happen While the Democratic Party Stands Around With Its Hands on its Ass as it Gets Kicked in the Nuts.”

@redmanlaw: No my stomachache arises from the Supreme Court granting review to determine if private corporations can invoke the state secrets doctrine as a defense to litigation.

@SanFranLefty: Of course they can. We are living in a corporate science fiction world now. We will one day have the opportunity to elect our own Hitler.


Is it Carter’s PTSD from the killer rabbit attack again?

@¡Andrew!: You win Most Obscure Political Callback of the Day!

*The coveted MOPCD Award goes to anyone who brings up a reference I haven’t heard since college.

This part of the article was a gut-buster:

On the positive side: Americans spent about 36 minutes fewer minutes in the office per week and were stuck in less traffic, although the reason was largely because millions of them had lost jobs or were scraping by with part-time work.

No joke, the author’s name is Hope. Could’ve sworn it was Debbie Downer on the byline.

@nojo: I wept for joy when I found that the rabbit incident has its own page.

Carter had gone on a solo fishing expedition in his hometown of Plains, Georgia when the rabbit approached his boat, “hissing menacingly, its teeth flashing and nostrils flared and making straight for the president”,[1] trying desperately to enter the boat, causing Carter to flail at the swimming creature with the oars from his boat.

There’s even a photo of Bugs swimming away from his successful incursion! Guffaw guffaw!

The President confessed to having had limited experience with enraged rabbits.

Watch that next step, Doc, it’s a doozy!

/on topic/

Besides, we need all them $uper-richie$ so that they can pay each other ten$ of million$ for art, boats, and real estate.

AmeriKKKa’s teeming masses of poors and newly poors aren’t going to be buying all of those New York City penthouses, ya know.

@¡Andrew!: I wonder if that thing was rabid, which would make a normally docile animal such as a rabbit or skunk get all bent in the head. As a true Southern outdoorsman, Carter should have been packing a .22 Smith & Wesson Model 63 double action revolver, which was once so ubiquitous that is it commonly known as “the Kit Gun,” to dispatch the poor creature. Rick Perry would have emptied a full magazine from his Ruger .380 auto LCP (the light compact pistol he used on a coyote that he said threatened his dog) into the bunny and worn the bloody skin on his head to a photo op.


My .22 revolver of choice is a Ruger Single Six, which requires the hammer to be cocked back for each shot unlike the double action, which fires and advances the cylinder to a new round with every trigger pull. Single actions = old school.

@karen marie: You totally got me with that Noel Godin link. I thought you were talking about a different kind of “cream pie”.

@¡Andrew!: Hush, child. Didn’t you know, the super-rich are our only hope for creating jobs? Through continued tax breaks. And if we don’t submit meekly they might just donkey-punch us.

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