Strange Days

“Astroboffins are warning that a mighty ‘eruption’ of superhot plasma has been blasted out of the Sun directly at the Earth. The plasma cloud is expected to reach Earth beginning [Wednesday], possibly causing strange phenomena…”

To: Utah Freak Senatorial Candidate dba Nojo
From: Stinque Office of Quality Control
Re: Proposed Wednesday-morning post

Dear Sir, Madam, or Hamster,

We have received your draft, “Ten Unusual Things Caused by Sunspots,” and are returning it because it does not meet our editorial standards.

The subtext of your list implies that prominent American politicians, under the influence of extraordinary stellar phenomena, might rail against the location of a metropolitan house of worship, or deny the citizenship of infants born in this country, or apologize to oil-company executives for being forced to accept financial responsibility for an industrial accident, or advocate state appointment of Senators, or call for the armed insurrection of our democratically elected government, or threaten Secession, or scribble notes on their hands like pampered high-school athletes who can’t successfully complete a classroom examination.

While we understand that our contributors might sometimes engage in entertaining whimsy or Swiftian absurdity to make a point, we find these notions beyond the realm of the conceivable. You might as well suggest that a major television critic would accuse a Sunday-morning interviewer of mourning the deaths of our nation’s enemies, for all the sense you make.

We advise that you proceed with your alternate proposal, “Animal-Rights Groups Condemn Researchers Who Annoy Monkeys With Glenn Beck Programs.”


The Sinister Cabal That Runs Everything

Solar plasma aurora storm to hit Earth tomorrow! [The Register UK]

The plasma cloud is expected to reach Earth beginning [Wednesday], possibly causing strange phenomena…”

Wait, did someone screw up the order on JNOV’s birthday candles? It’s tomorrow dammit!

I hope this isn’t the sun’s equivalent of a birthday candle for JNOV.

Heh, heh, they said spurt.

Confidential to Benedick: The Brits say “duck’s eye view” instead of “bird’s eye view”? Never knew that.

For everyone’s reading list today (along with the Prop 8 decision, obvi) might I recommend Confessions of a Tea Party Casualty?

Plasma cloud headed to Earth? My predition: the Zombie Apocalypse.

Where’s Jean Luc Picard? Only he can save us from being turned into eggplants.

P.S. Happy Birthday JNOV

@mellbell: Too bad that Inglis didn’t have the balls/ovaries or the principles to denounce the Tea Baggers during the primary. Only now he’s coming out of the closet? Just shows what a bunch of fucking craven hypocrites Inglis and the others are, they’re laughing at the teabaggers behind their backs just like serially-married Gingrich et al used and laughed at the fundies behind their backs. Boo fucking hoo, Bob, you played with fire and got burned. Go find yourself a nice lobbying job with Big Pharma.

/The vitriol is because I still remember his performance on the House Judiciary Committee in the ’90s, Clinton impeachment was the least of his shenanigans and asshattery, so he can go suck my balls.

@SanFranLefty: He’s no hero, and the reference to a potential future in lobbying only underscores that, but he does offer an insider’s view of the approach that Boehner and other Republicans are taking to the Tea Party’s ascendancy. The dog-that-caught-the-car analogy is spot-on.

Happy birthday JNOV. I think you’d be a better president that the one we got.

@mellbell: Thanks for the recommendation, that is an interesting article.

OH! YOU! YOU! THANK YOU! ::happy dance:: !!!!!!!!

Technically, it doesn’t start until 11:3somthing AM tomorrow, but tonight I will be heading to DE to pick up some Flor de Caña after rush hour so that I can put some in mah coffee when I wake up tomorrow. And I think I’ll be hitting the bottle all day, Jr’s tuition be damned (kidding, Jr. Really.)

You guys are the best birthday present ever. See, immacrynow.

Thank you, and I promise not to bloviate to the point that I blow out the sun. Well, I’ll try. I like magic candles. ;-)

Awww, YOU GUYS! You guys. You have no idea how happy and touched and honored I am to be a part of this community. You have no idea.

I love you guys. You have no idea.

@Walking Still: Oh, I have sex dreams about that man and about Hugh Laurie. Mmmmmm, mmmmmm, mmmmm…

@Dodgerblue: Haha! You are too sweet!

Top Ten Reasons JNOV Would Never Be Elected President:

10. Too lazy or unskilled to deal with the bullshit diplomatically. Think LBJ minus Vietnam.

9. No munnies.

8. No spouse.

7. A true Socialist

6. Ambiguously brown woman

5. Honorably discharged from the military by the skin of her teeth — think Joe Biden’s mouth

4. Owes a lot of munnies

3. Would never get any type of security clearance (see #4)

2. Ex-husbands would talk shit about her on Faux Nooz

1. Too many skeletons to fit in a Wal-Mart, and they’d all be wanting hush money. (See #s 9 and 4).

<3 you, My Dodger. <3 you!


Funny how, despite the fact that the kool-aid is wearing off, he still manages to spout an incoherent RW talking point by the end. HOW THE FUCK can a tax on CO2, combined with massive import/export dickery, be a “market-based solution” while cap and trade – originally a Republican proposal, and which involves an ACTUAL MARKET – is somehow a new tax? Maybe he’ll have some answers when the head-fog clears the rest of the way. Either that, or he’s burnishing his cred to snag a job at BP.

Otherwise, an interesting point about a religious basis for conservative opposition to conservation – if only the people holding that viewpoint would apply it to their own use of modern medicine…

@nojo: Hey! Can we get “u” added as an HTML tag? For my birsday, natch.

@JNOV: The tag helper just lists the most commonly used styles. Most others will work as well. Except image tags.

@nojo: Well, the “u” didn’t like me. Just saying.

@Dodgerblue: Oh, well, holy shit! I forgot it was his birthday today. I think we’re both left-handed, too. There’ve been a shitton of left-handed presidents. But Obama is still a douche. (That’s not a threat, NSA — it’s an insult, okay?)

@mellbell: Indeed! Happy Early Birthday to YOU!

@Original Andrew: Thanks! I already have my first drink in me — I figure I can start early! Solidarnoṡċ! with all my GLBTQ brothers and sisters! I cheer for you!

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