Heart of Darkness? Or Going Rogue?

“I think I would have raised an outcry if I had believed my eyes. But I didn’t believe them at first — the thing seemed so impossible. The fact is I was completely unnerved by a sheer blank fright, pure abstract terror, unconnected with any distinct shape of physical danger. What made this emotion so overpowering was — how shall I define it? — the moral shock I received, as if something altogether monstrous, intolerable to thought and odious to the soul, had been thrust upon me unexpectedly.”
“He’s got to be drunk, I thought. I didn’t want to offend the president of France, but this was getting stupid. I kept thinking, surely, someone will pop up and say something like, ‘OK, the five minutes are up,’ but the call just went on and on and on.”

“Curious, this feeling that came over me that such details would be more intolerable than those heads drying on the stakes under Mr. Kurtz’s windows. After all, that was only a savage sight, while I seemed at one bound to have been transported into some lightless region of subtle horrors, where pure, uncomplicated savagery was a positive relief, being something that had a right to exist — obviously — in the sunshine.”
“If any vegans came over for dinner, I could whip them up a salad, then explain my philosophy on being a carnivore: If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat? I always remind people from outside our state that there’s plenty of room for all Alaska’s animals — right next to the mashed potatoes.”
“I looked at him, lost in astonishment. There he was before me, in motley, as though he had absconded from a troupe of mimes, enthusiastic, fabulous. His very existence was improbable, inexplicable, and altogether bewildering. He was an insoluble problem. It was inconceivable how he had existed, how he had succeeded in getting so far, how he had managed to remain— why he did not instantly disappear.”
“That day in sunny Texas when the divorce rumors were rampant in the tabloids, I watched Todd, tanned and shirtless, take the baby from my arms and walk him back to the ranch house so Trig could nap while I made calls. Seeing Todd’s blue eyes smiling, I chuckled. Dang, I thought. Divorce Todd? Have you seen Todd?”
“The horror! The horror!”
“You betcha!”

nojo
7:00 am • Tuesday • July 27, 2010
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7 Comments

7:24 am • Tuesday • July 27, 2010

Hey, man, you don’t talk to the Sarah. You listen to her. The lady’s enlarged my mind. She’s a poet speaker leadum lady in the classic sense. I mean sometimes she’ll… uh… well, you’ll say “hello” to her, right? And she’ll just walk right by you. She won’t even notice you. And suddenly she’ll grab you, and she’ll throw you in a corner, and she’ll say, “If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?” … I mean I’m… no, I can’t… I’m a little man, I’m a little man, she’s… she’s a great leader! I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas…

FlyingChainSaw

8:29 am • Tuesday • July 27, 2010

Someone this stupid and vain has to be subject to indiscretion. There must be a sex tape somewhere, hopefully one with a moose.

Capt Howdy

9:58 am • Tuesday • July 27, 2010

@FlyingChainSaw:

heres hoping the moose is Todd

Dodgerblue

11:01 am • Tuesday • July 27, 2010

Contest: if she said “exterminate all the brutes,” to which group(s) would she likely be referring?

oyster

11:48 am • Tuesday • July 27, 2010