Mel Gibson, Script Doctor

I’m picking something up here, its subtle, almost subliminal, but, I get the impression Mel, when he is in a relationship, or not, expects blowjobs on demand.

@Promnight:

That’s my rule too. Has always been my rule. On demand. In the living room, in the dining room, the garden, the crosswalk. On demand.

No-one has ever followed my rule with anything even approaching casual deference. But I maintain: That is the rule, it has always been the rule, and will be the rule going forward.

@Promnight:
Welcome to Hollywood.

Stars get whatever they want when they want.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Would they really be as special if you could demand them?

Oh, wait, what am I thinking, of course they would. Gay guys who have tried to pick me up always, always, say that only a dude knows how to really give a good blowjob, but, nope, its just never tempted me, I thank them for their interest, but no thanks.

Oh, and hey, I owe a shout out to FCS, and this is no threadjack, its directly on point with the topic of blowjobs.

Last week, FCS gave me a recipe for some low-budget nirvana. Ben Franklin said, happiness is not the big things, people with 400 foot yachts, they still spend as much time as you and me, being unhappy and frustrated, hell, look at Mel Gibson, that guy is deeply unhappy, there in his Malibu mansion, no happiness is in the small things, and, if you follow FCS’s recipe for this particular small pleasure, available to anyone, you will find that it is, truly, as good as a blowjob; its even as good as a surprise blowjob. Don’t believe me? Then consider this a challenge to try it, because you cannot talk until you have experienced it.

You have to follow all of FCS’s directions.

First, work all afternoon in the hot sun, doing something arduous, sweaty, and dirty, until you are tired, sore, hot, and sweaty.

Second step: get an old, empty transmission fluid can, clean it out, and fill with ice.

Step 3: fill with 2, not one, 2, bottles of Leinenkugel Berry Weisse.

Step 4, just stand there, in the hot sun, sweat dripping off of you, just stare at the bubbling icy frothing beverage, until you can stand it no more.

Step 5, raise it to your lips, and drain it all, in one draught.

Step 5 is unnecessary to set out in the directions, I found, because, if you are hot sweaty, tired and sore, and you have been staring at a frothing icy container of Leinenkugel Berry Weisse until you cannot stand it anymore, and you raise it to your lips, you do not have to make any conscious decision to drain it down without stopping. You would have to exercise superhuman effort to stop, to not drain it all.

Please, everyone, do this thing, and you will know something I never knew before, you will have a beergasm.

Thank you, FCS, you have enriched my life.

@Promnight: Also works with Tab.

@Promnight:

Well, it’s either the mouth or the azz. The azz is a big production, requires shower-time for one partner and various emollients, etc. Generally when we do it on the quick it is a blowjob. So we get them all the time, usually.

But I want mine on demand. Stupid non-rule-following gay boys.

@Benedick: Ick.

@Benedick: Benedick, you cannot comment knowingly, unless you have tasted this elixir of the gods.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Try the Leinenkugel, it will make up for failures to abide by the “blowjobs on demand” rule.

You know, the ladies, they insist on their ablutions and ceremonial preparations, too, plain old marital hetero sex also requires enough preparation to ruin spontaniaty, often enough.

So again, to fill the time waiting for the preparations, I recoment the Lienenkugel Berry Weisse Beergasm. I give all praise to FCS, this is his discovery, it is one of the purest joys I have experienced in my life, so far.

@Benedick: Benedick, tonight I was doing the frugal thing, and made up a dish from nothing, no model, no plan, just using what I had. In the freezer, I had a single boneless chicken breast, and a seperate package containing 6 chicken wings.

I started thinking, coq au vin, chicken marengo, I would first brown the chicken, seasoned and floured, in hot hot oil, then turn it down, add onions, garlic, I had some anise, and some serrano peppers. I also had a yellow sweet pepper. My mind was swirling with some idea of a combination of morrocan, mediterranean, southwest chili, some variation of something in that family. I diced an acorn squash into little cubes, threw those in, and some black eye peas. I decided the basic flavor would be a black pepper, sage, lemon, rose wine combination, with the heat of the serranos giving that southwest kick, a hint of cumin for the north african flavor, threw in some frozen veal stock I always have on hand. Covered and simmered. The sage was fresh from the garden, and I added a teaspoon of herbes de provence.

I could do this with vegetable stock and firm tofu. It turned out tasting like a mediterranean curry, something completely new.

You are an artist, thats why I am speaking to you to describe this, it was one of my best creations, real creations, inventions, created from nothing but ideas and memories, of different cuisines, flavors I like, but have never had combined this way, and it was magical, from the squash and the onions, it was so sweet, from the serranos, just spicy enough to be spicy, without overpowering any of the nuances, black-pepper-lemon-sage is a common mediterranean combo, but when it combined with the sweetness and the heat, it wa something completely new and different, so like an indian curry, but with almost none of the typical ingredients of an indian curry, I created a mediterranean curry, it was rich and complex and amazing. Its one thing when I accomplish a very very good version, interpretation, of a known work, this was complete invention, complete invention, this only happens to me a few times a year, that I know, I created something noone has ever tasted before.

Yes, I am glowing and bragging, its rare moments in life, when you know you really created something.

If those of you into real estate pron want to see the house where Mel demands his blow jobs, Gawker has it here.

@Promnight: Hey, did you really use the transmission fluid can? What brand?

@FlyingChainSaw: Dexron II, of course.

I was wondering whether using a Marvel Mystery Oil can would add just a certain je ne sais qua, but I decided to stick to the recipe.

@Mistress Cynica: And yet, with all that, you can hear how unhappy he is on the tapes. People who have caviar every day, they are unhappy with the quality of the caviar, the blintzes were just not quite right, you get rich, and live in luxury, your discontents just switch to a new level. Leinenkugel on ice from an oil can, thats happiness!

@fcs, prommie: Straight guys are unfathomable to me.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: We’re not that different. Just some of the same traits are expressed in different ways. I know you get me better than most straight guys I know do. To tell the truth, most straight guys, they are not a mystery to me, they are easy to understand, but they are so completely foreign to me, I am not like them.

@Promnight: In the end, everything is foreign but your own self.

@Promnight: Right you are. Yes, it is the perfect size, adds a bit of improvisational mystique and, of course, the ultrabadness. Glasses? For assholes! Jelly jars? For losers! Tranny fluid cans? Yeah! If you’re going to decant it, use a vessel that can provide some flavor! Just the thing to sneak beer into a football game. Who’s going to fuck with someone exhibiting the kind of ultrabadness required to drink out of a tranny fluid can?

Berry Weiss is pretty bubbly stuff. I hope you stood around for a while holding your gut and belching wildly on tip toes, power bellowing your pleasure at the Beergasm and subsequent release of carbonation.

@FlyingChainSaw: @Promnight: Goddamnit I miss you guys!