Fun Facts About Mama Grizzlies

  • Fuck their cousins.
  • Leave behind piles of shit.
  • Known as “sows”.

  • Dangerous around humans.
  • Steal their neighbors’ food.
  • Flea-ridden.
  • Get knocked up by different Papa Grizzlies.
  • Russian.
  • Quit their jobs, whore out their kids, threaten their neighbors, take credit for others’ work, claim victimization at every turn, can’t breathe without lying.
  • Legally hunted in Alaska.
Grizzly Bear [Wikipedia]

Infested with Dunning Kruger Syndrome which is made worse due to the narcissism and self entitlement (see Bear, Yogi the.)

this is not, as you may be thinking, the palin bear.
the animal formerly known as grizzly, is the taitz bear.

Mostly extinct in the Lower 48; found mainly in Uh-lass-KA?

if this was a screen play Palin would now be mauled and horribly disfigured by a grizzle becoming an outcast living in a cave and eating bugs.

There are a few small enclaves along the Idaho-Montana border, but their habitats are threatened by logging and mining companies. Many people up there love nature and the great outdoors, but are willing to sacrifice it for jobs. That pretty much sums up the paradox of the rural American West.

@Jesuswalksinidaho: There was a supposed sighting or other evidence of a grizzly present in SW Colorado, but I don’t think it was ever verified. I’ve seen nine adult and juvenile bears in the wild, heard another one in the brush 30 yards from me last year and seen a fair number of their tracks while fishing, hiking and hunting.

@redmanlaw: Aren’t there some in Yellowstone? I’ve seen some in Alaska, but nowhere else.

@Dodgerblue: There are some grizzlies (or they used to be) in Yellowstone. I met a guy last week who was mauled by one at Yellowstone in the ’90s. Mr. SFL works in the same complex as someone who was attacked by a grizzly in Alaska.

Hey y’all. Gonna miss Sport Sunday night due to a field trip out in Not Tibet. Haven’t checked here since, what, the Car and Food Pron. But check the clubhouse – a picture of the only generosity of George Bush’s furrin policy initiative awaits.

We’ve got black bear. Does that count? Bastards pulled down all the bird feeders and chomped on them.

Maybe Sarah could start a local chapter for Black Bear Mamas? Oh wait.

@Benedick: I’m surprised she didn’t make the analogy with Mama Polar Bears as the conservative color of choice. I wonder if it had anything to do with the unfortunate disappearance of the polar bears as their habitat melts, which has absolutely nothing to do with Al Gore’s crackpot theory about climate change.

everyone has black bears. as their space was encroached upon, they developed a fascinating mutation: they don’t mind people! they’re known for sneaking into kitchens and emptying the cabinets. they almost never hurt humans and you can swat them out like a fly.
i don’t know why i know this. shrute? colbert?

“…can’t breathe without lying.” That’s beautiful. I like that.

@baked: Our dogs all go insane if a bunny farts next county over. When a bear appears on the deck suddenly everyone is vewy vewy tired. Hear something? No, I don’t hear anything go crash bang.

even the dogs like them! speaking of, i’m about to take my baby brontosaurus out to lunch. i love a town where you can bring your dog.
your dogs sound like my dearly deceased 3…hear no evil, speak no evil and see no evil. this new little whippersnapper goes into “guard stance” at every passing car. at 10 weeks old! aDORable!!!

@baked: We need more pictures of your puppeh.

@baked: There’s been three bear attacks on humans in the past two weeks here in New Mexico, two at the Philmont (Boy) Scout Ranch. The people at the scout camp at least in one case had done everything right (food, garbage, cooking utensils and even cooking clothes were stashed away from the camp) and a kid still got clawed. Compare with an attack near Albuquerque where the woman who was attacked had chips, soda and candy inside the tent with her and her companions. In the third attack, the guy may have been too close to some livestock.

The bears’ summer food supply is late in coming on due to the extended winter that let me and Son of RML ski and snowboard past Easter this year, so the bears (the animal, not the other kind) are hungry and looking for food. I need to call my buddy over out in the sticks to see if the bears have gotten all his chickens yet.

@baked: Big paws means big… Wait.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: I am like so pumped, broheim. My guns are sick.

@baked: Wait. Where’d the bewbie thread go? How long were you in pain, and when were you um, ready for action? (We can go to the clubhouse for this if it’s not appropriate here.) Not appropriate here. I crack myself up!

Awww…and I don’t think Disney World does that bear thing anymore. :’-( As long as we’ve got The Tiki Room, It’s a Small World and The Haunted House, life is good.

Will put pic of me in Disney World one year after it opened in clubhouse.

tj/breaking: Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is reportedly “outraged” after security guards at a New Orleans-area hospital were accused of punching and tasing his epileptic nephew, a news report states.

Derek Thomas was admitted to West Jefferson Hospital in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana, Thursday, after a possible suicide attempt, reports ABC affiliate WGNO.

When the Supreme Court justice’s nephew refused to put on a hospital gown and said he wanted to leave the hospital, doctors ordered security to restrain him.

Security guards “punched him in his lip, pulled out more than a fistful of his dreadlocks and tasered him to restrain him,” a statement from Thomas’ family said.

Shortly afterwards, family members say, Thomas suffered a “massive epileptic seizure.”

@redmanlaw: I was really hoping that the end of that first sentence would be “reportedly mulling retirement.”

@mellbell: I’m just surprised his nephew has dreads.

@redmanlaw: I know. Unusual amongst gay men from religious backgrounds trying to kill themselves because of the shame.

@mellbell: Disappointment of the day.

@redmanlaw: I’m surprised his nephew claims him.

Hear something? No, I don’t hear anything go crash bang.
Like when the tree hit the house during a winter storm a few years ago. The collie pack was completely silent until I shined a flashlight (the power was out, too) on the tree branch sticking through the ceiling over a dog bed in the family room. Then mass watchdog hysteria. Actually they were being pretty sensible. Be inconspicuous when something really big enters the den and then let the humans deal with it, but show you’re willing to help.

@SanFranLefty and Dodger: There are — the rangers ask you to report sightings (they’ll move the bears), and you have to be very careful with your food, soap, even dish soap and water from said dishes. The park provides special places to clean your gear for fear of it attracting grizzlies. I kept our food in our trunk. I’d rather have the trunk ripped off than become Timothy Treawell.

@JNOV: Stinquer most likely to own a bear canister: Lefty.

@JNOV: DisneyWorld still has the jamboree, far as I know. Disneyland ditched it years back, and the Tiki Room just doesn’t cut it.

Geeks: Westboro Baptist Church to Protest ComiCon, per FB page.

@redmanlaw: That may be worth braving the Gaslamp.

Or not. Fucking impossible to park down there, even without a bunch of geeks smelling up the waterfront.

@nojo: Sounds like it might be a good outing for the Stinque Live I-Team Are Go! Stormtroopers v. Baptists! Cthulhu v. THE LORD! Worlds. will. COLLIDE!!!

ADD: “OMG! The guy in the Red Shirt is DEAD!”

@redmanlaw: Well, if you wanna make a production of it…

1. The Stinque Live I-Team gathers at Shakespeare’s for preparation.

2. (Optional) The Stinque Live I-Team takes the trolley downtown for general havoc and merrymaking.

3. The Stinque Live I-Team returns to Shakespeare’s for celebration.

4. The Stinque Live I-Team learns that Stinque World Domination Headquarters has only one available couch for crashing, and fights to the death over it.

@nojo: Important note: Stinque World Dominatrix Headquarters is a separate operation, located in Los Angeles.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: The cosplayers, Jesus freaks, or both?

Noticeably absent this year will be bald dudes with blue arrows Magic Markered on to their heads.

@redmanlaw: Last year I ended up in the neighborhood to visit a client, saw the Avatar street banners, and immediately thought massive failure.

Which is why I don’t run a Hollywood studio.

@JNOV: Let me make this clear:

The Enchanted Tiki Room sucks.

Last time I was at Disneyland with NojoBro and the Frighteningly Tall Young Nephews Who Will Make Nojo the Three-Generational Runt in the Family, I went looking for the Jamboree, because the Jamboree is cool, especially when a bear descends from the ceiling on a swing.

Long gone. Replaced by some Pooh Room.

So we hit the Tiki Room instead. Boring.

Took two trips on the Tower of Terror to get over it.

@nojo: ::sniff:: The drumming totem pole dudes are cool. The talking parrots are stupid.

@Benedick: Indeed. Unless they’re African Greys. I have a problem with caged birds, though…

We just had a brief torrential downpour — hope it comes your way.


Piss for them all! A piss bounty! Bwa-ha-ha!

Particularly Fred, tho.


I love the talking parrots! I love the cheesy accents.



They have singing flowers. SINGING FLOWERS.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Fine. You can take my mom to Small World after you both enjoy the show.

@nojo: You’re breaking my heart.

Okay — everyone’s opinion on Magic Mountain (cuz Nojo seems to like the Tower of Terror and such).

Best ride?

I haven’t been in years, but I love the wooden rollercoaster (name escapes me), Superman (front seat, natch) and hmmmm, another superhero ride — you’re suspended with the dangly feets. Batman? The Joker? Something like that.

(Don’t make me go all Knott’s Berry up in here…)



Oooh, it is on like DK, buddy…

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: That’s my favorite ride — or maybe the Haunted House. Not sure. My father took me through Small World until I learned the lyrics. Then he had to listen to me sing them. Poor guy.


Haunted Mansion. Anyone says Matterhorn is better send them to me.

@nojo: @Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Great. Now I’ve got that evil earworm. A curse on both your houses.

I mostly hated Disney World, but I did like Haunted Mansion.

@Mistress Cynica:

I hate Disney World too. Disneyland is the real deal, you should go there.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Wait, wait, wait…

You’re cheating, aren’t you?

You’re dropping acid before riding Small World, aren’t you?

Don’t you dare try that shit around my mother.

Oh god, not Disney World. My sister and brother-in-law love that place. Love it. He proposed on the Spaceship Earth ride or whatever the one in the giant golf ball is called. And although I’ve been a faithful reader of Cake Wrecks for years, I almost had to swear them off when they brought up Epcot’s Canada song the other day, and I got horrible Martin Short-related flashbacks…almost. They redeemed themselves by posting the most hideous wedding cake I’ve ever seen.

This world of Disney. Whereof is it that you speak? Is it the Epcot of sacred memory? Or some world made new? Land or World: is there some schism ‘twixt the two? Like unto the Eastern church breaking off from Rome? Do its fountains plash in the shade of palms and do the daughters of the tribe bring frosty tributes to slake the thirst of hunky pirates who lost most of their clothes in the sequel? Do guidos pump their fists and flaunt their abs in the shade of pomegranate trees and does Expedia give you a discount? Cos I’m so there.


Oh yes, that is all there. You should go.

Take pictures, won’t you?

Okay! That’s it! I’m now on a hunt for a picture of one of the cutest kids ever in Mickey Mouse ears.

Disney (as a child) is AMAZING! As an adult, well…I would still go to the Haunted Mansion and sing It’s a Small World with all the animatronic freaky kids and and get on the GODDAMNED TEACUPS and bop to the rhythm of the Tiki drums. Sheesh.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: You mean that inedible paste called fondant that’s replaced all the delicious, delicious frosting? Wish I knew.

And when Jr was 8, we went to all those “meet the sweaty people in costume” things so he could get every character’s autograph. That’s when I realized that my dad had the patience of Job w/r/t me and It’s a Small World and the Haunted House. And, c’mon! Space Mountain? Huzzah!

Oh, and Jr got to dance on stage with Toots and the Maytals when he was ten. That was pretty friggin’ awesome to see. I have no idea what that has to do with Disney World…just childhood memories, I guess.


We go all the time, because, free, why not, plus we get 6 people in when we both go. We just act like concierges most of the time, we’ve done it all there.


Do you still have that Peter Pan costume that you feature on your website?

@flippin eck:

That’s it. You could bounce quarters off it, what is wrong with people?

@flippin eck: Did that cake melt or something? It it supposed to look like refuse from the Mattel factory?

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Clap if you believe in fairies! Come on children! Clap if you believe! Say, I do believe. I do believe in fairies. I do. I do believe! You, little Aaron in your fancy britches, do you want to fly with the fairies? Do you? Up among the Republican house members? Or do you want to stay with all the sweaty muscular Democrat pirates? The butt-humping, butt-smacking pirates? Let me slip them handcuffs on you, boy. You need to get to the House to vote? Or do you need to worship the Captain of the Caribbean’s raging boner?

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: We would have So. Much. Fun. (without Nojo — don’t invite him)

@Benedick: May I please, please borrow “the Captain of the Caribbean’s raging boner”? I think I could make a meal of that. You’d get credit.


He can come if he brings the LSD.


Hehehe. Yes you are, darling. Yes you are.

@Benedick: Indeed you are! Stinque After Dark is now an all day affair (NO I HAVEN’T GOTTEN LAID YET, TOMM! CAN YOU TELL?). But we’re an international community; it’s always dark somewhere. Speaking of getting laid internationally, where’s Cheap Boy?

Disneyland is NOT the happiest place on Earth. That would be the shoe department at Harrods, with Jon Hamm handing me a martini.
Places full of screaming children and fat tourists who think Epcot is “just like going to Europe” are my personal idea of hell.
It is hot (for here), I have no AC, and I’m grumpy. Not get off my lawn with your homicide-inducing Small World song.

@Tomm: Man, my burn out cousins scared me off the man-made shit. I might shroom with y’all if someone brings a toothbrush. And holds my hair back. Such as.

@Mistress Cynica: I got to drive the monorail, well, push a button or whatever. It was The. Happiest. Place. On. Earth.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: See, I’ve never done it. I’ve been advised that my 6th charkra doesn’t need the help. BUT…shrooming at Disney? How could you not?

@Mistress Cynica:


“Poor old Johnny Ray
Sounded sad upon the radio
He moved a million hearts in mono
Our mothers used to sing along who’d blame them
You’re grown, so grown, now I must say more than ever
Come on Eileen
Toora loora toora loo rye aye
And we can sing just like our fathers

Come on Eileen, oh I swear (what he means)
At this moment, you mean everything
With you in that dress oh my thoughts I confess
Verge on dirty
Ah come on Eileen”

Help any?

TJ (I guess)/ So, I was like, hmmmm, I think I need some lavender essential oil because well, I just got that idea into my head. So, I went to the hippie store and lost my mind. I am now looking at lavender, eucalyptus, peppermint, wintergreen and tea tree oils, and I can’t decide which to put in the bath (goddamn it’s hot here). So, yeah. I go to buy one thing, I leave with five things I do not need. I need an intervention, because my birthday is coming up soon, and I’m afraid I’m finally going to break down and buy those damn Louboutins and I’m never taking them off. Ever. I’ve even stepped it up a notch from matte to patent leather. I’m gangsta.


I love pumps. Don’t tell anyone, though, it will wreck my butch image.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Okay. Don’t tell anyone…So maybe someone has a bit of a thing for pretty feet. Peep toe. Peep toe. That sounds so fucking sexy!

Growing up in Arkansas, we didn’t have no schmancy Dizney Land, no, I spent endless childhood afternoons at Dogpatch. We’d tell out of state relatives where we were going, and they’d just guffaw and refuse to believe that a place like that based on hillbilly folklore–the Schmoo!–even existed. FSM help me, I loved it there more than anywhere, pure heaven. When I was like 8 years old maybe, my mom took me several days a week for months. My favorite was the puppet show, and at the end of the summer, the cast made me an honorary member and gave me a t-shirt stating as much since I was their #1 fan. Still one of the happiest moments of my life.

@Original Andrew: OMG! Dogpatch! ::back to reading your comment::

@Original Andrew: Okay. We have Dutch Wonderland A Kingdom for Kids!

ADD: With some third-rate Barney knock off.

@Original Andrew: That’s really fucking sweet. :-)

Speaking of puppet shows, what the attraction of Punch and Judy? I never got it.

(reading the article)

Oh wow, all the backstage busyness drama! The foreclosures, the bankruptcies, the betrayals! It’s a regular Dynasty for people with missing teeth.

O.M.F.S.M. Would it shock anyone to know that my favorite ride was the Lonesome Polcat’s Kickapoo Joy Juice Barrel Ride?

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Will you marry me? (on my knees. hopeful, down boy) Who is this Johnny Ray? Part of the magical kingdom of fairies? Shrooms. Is this a Julia Child euphemism for pirate butt secks? Is this bloggies next foodie

I understand young Aaron Buttsecks fancy pants outfit. He’s a fan of Bollywood! That’s where straight men can wear all kinds of ice-blue, pop collar, white leather belt with a big shiny buckle and shirts that don’t stay closed even though the monsoon soaks his pants and leaves him pretty much naked in a gutter outside K street soaked in Grover Norquist’s cum.

@Benedick: You gheys do NOT have the market cornered on pirate butt secks. Okay. Maybe you do. I am Ninja.

@Original Andrew: Who thought up that name? The lonesome part gives me a sad. But I guess if you’re a pole cat, I mean, who didn’t feel bad for Pepe le Pew always chasing the joy juice?

@Benedick: Wait. Whoa. Is this a Stinque first? Cum? Ho! Ho! Ho!

(I get in tub now — decided on lavender — peppermint might make me attack Sparky Sparky Sparky downstairs.)

@JNOV: Lavender is an excellent choice. Calming, soothing, relaxing…

@Mistress Cynica: Yes. This is some great stuff. I used to have lavender sachets in my pillow cases. The cats seem to want to eat it, though. One almost jumped in the tub.

I’ve never been to Disneyland but I do not feel as if I’ve missed anything.


You simply must remember to take your pills. I worry about you. Because I care.

@Mistress Cynica: @TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ:

i’m on your team. i have NEVER been to a dizzy park. i hate crowds, most people, and the worst of all–people standing in lines to induce vomiting.
it’s 6 a.m. been up since 3. why won’t my puppy pee and poop outside?
why? why? why?
and no, i’m not a terrible mother. the donor had to have something to do on weekends and vacations.
bakette has been to every park on earth a million times.

DC Stinque Up TJ/ Looks like I’ll be in DC early Aug (it’s my birthday! Woot!) Details shaping up in clubhouse…

We might get private tour of Museum of American Indian. I’ll let you know.

I’ve been to Disneyland twice, once as a kid, another as a dad. Had fun both times. Son of RML was a lot smaller then (a trip way before last year’s stinque up in Santa Monica), so we ended the evening at the end of a very long day of fun with me carrying him on my back so we could catch one popular attraction we could not get into earlier. He was asleep in the car by the time the fireworks went off. Mrs RML left early to watch the Oscars with one of our bridesmaids, a lesbian Republican whose dad helped design the Mustang.

@JNOV: My old NDN law professor’s husband Rick West used to run the place. Don’t know if he’s still there. She might still remember me, but that was over 15 years ago.

@redmanlaw: I know Rick! Yeah, he’s gone, but I have another buddy there! Small world. Well, not much NDNs left…

@JNOV: Go see the Pope’ statue representing New Mexico at wherever they have those things. Led the Pueblo Revolt against the Spanish in 1680.

@redmanlaw: Will take MANY pictures! I really hope the don’t sell seed beads…

Oh, and I’ll wear this…pic about to be uploaded in clubhouse…

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