Ozone Al’s Lewinsky Moment

Monica Lewinsky went to college in Portland. Al Gore allegedly demanded sexual favors and made “unwanted sexual contact” on a masseuse in his Portland hotel room in 2006.

Coincidence? What’s in the water in the Willamette River?

Where the National Enquirer went yesterday, the Washington Post and New York Times follow today.

The Gray Lady reports:

A massage therapist accused former Vice President Al Gore of “unwanted sexual contact” at a hotel in October 2006, but no charges were filed because of lack of evidence, law officials said Wednesday.

A lawyer for the woman contacted the police in late 2006, said the Multnomah County district attorney, Michael D. Schrunk. Mr. Schrunk said the woman, who has not been identified, had refused to be interviewed and did not want the investigation to proceed.

But in January 2009, she contacted the police and gave a statement in which she said Mr. Gore had tried to have sex with her during an appointment at the Hotel Lucia. The National Enquirer first reported the accusations on Wednesday.

Why do I think “abdominal work” is going to become the new punchline catch phrase?

In a transcript of the interview, the massage therapist said she had been doing requested abdominal work on Mr. Gore when he demanded she go lower.

“I was shocked and I did not massage beyond what is considered a safe, nonsexual area of the abdomen,” she said. “He further insisted and acted angry, becoming verbally sharp and loud.

“I went into much deeper shock as I realized it appeared he was demanding sexual favors or sexual behaviors.”

She alleged he later tried to have sex with her.

“I did not immediately call the police as I feared being made into a public spectacle and my reputation being destroyed,” she said. “I was not sure what to tell them and was concerned my story would not be believed since there was no DNA evidence from a completed act of rape.”

Washington Post adds:

In June 2010,* the woman returned to the department, asking for copies of her statements and reports on her claims, police said. “She also advised she was going to take the case to the media,” police said.

The National Enquirer reported the claims Wednesday.

Interestingly, the Post notes that local papers were aware of the investigation three years ago but didn’t publish the story at the time.

When asked about it by the Portland Tribune in 2007 and 2008, Gore’s attorneys strongly denied the claim, calling it “completely false.” The newspaper had obtained a copy of a preliminary investigative report of the allegations against Gore but chose not to publish an article on the matter. The Tribune reported on its Web site Wednesday that it did so, in part, because of the woman’s reluctance to be named.

And is there a smoking blue dress?

After the Tribune decided not to publish an article, the woman met with Portland detectives in January 2009 and restated the allegations in person, police said. She said she had kept clothing from the incident as evidence and offered it to the detectives, who declined to take it.

*Hmm, wasn’t it in June 2010 that Tipper and Al announced their separation?

And just a thought. In this era of people willing to say anything to get a buck, even if nothing happened, shouldn’t Al Gore know better than to order an in-room massage off of the room service menu?

[NYT: Gore Was Accused of Sexual Advances]
[WaPo: Oregon Investigated Sex Assault Accusation Against Al Gore]

Surely, with the array of “massage” services available out there, such misunderstandings are as common as dirt, in her field?

So did he squirt man oil on her or not?

@Prommie: If you’re providing massages in hotel rooms versus say at the YMCA or the hospital’s physical therapy/surgery rehab department, I would say yes.

@SanFranLefty: I mean, the police declining to take it further? Hmm, do they sometimes base these decisions on witness credibility? As I worded it in a comment elsewhere, I am wondering whether she is only shocked, shocked that someone would ask a masseuse for a happy ending, when that someone is rich and famous and vulnerable to a shakedown.

“I did not immediately call the police as I feared being made into a public spectacle and my reputation being destroyed,”

Well, clearly *that’s* worn off – or does she think the National Enquirer is a paper where people’s reputations are preserved?

There’s something pretty dodgy when both the cops and the local papers aren’t interested in the story.

For bonus points, anybody know if Breitbart made a visit to Portland around June? This sounds exactly like his sort of gig (modulo the pimp hats and fake construction worker outfits).

She exposes spooge spots or she gets gone. Anyone can show up and say, Al Gore groped my tits and started bellowing fuckmefuckmefuckmefuckmefuckmefuckme.

I’m having deja vu. Isn’t this the Paula Jones story?

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg:
I would amend to:
Stiff Blouse; Pictures; Audio tape, or video tape [insert brain bleach]; or GTFO.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: @SanFranLefty:

Show us the jizz!
-I say!
Show us the jizz!
Show us the jizz!
-And stains!
Show us the jizz!
Show us the jizz!

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: I think he has to bite her lip off, doesn’t he, to make that analogy. Or did Clinton bite someone else?

@al2o3cr: “There’s something pretty dodgy when both the cops and the local papers aren’t interested in the story.” Possibly the “Hand Jobs R Us” post in Craigslist?

He allegedly asked her to “Release my second chakra” according to the 2009 police report on The Oregonian’s website.

He also asked her to “work the abductor” [inner thigh] (p. 6) and she also notes “I’ve never had a client yell at me except one who was brain injured and drunk” (p. 9).

A lot of damn detail if it’s all made up.

@FlyingChainSaw: So, what. Are you going to write “Sit on My Face, Helen Mirren”?

Sit on my face, Helen Mirren!
The truth is
I want to taste you…

(I could go on, but it’s not past prime time.)

@SanFranLefty: Diet Coke came up my nose at the “release my second chakra” line.

@Dodgerblue: The thing is, I could totally see Al saying something like that.

@SanFranLefty: It wouldn’t have been completely out of place in one of his 30 Rock appearances, for that matter.

I hope this isn’t true, because I’ve always admired him, but power and prestige do funny things to people.

@mellbell: Ordering up a $150 handjob one night while you’re out on the road isn’t a result of power and prestige. Or are all those truck drivers and salesmen and conventioneers that form the customer base of the multi-billion dollar jackoff industry way more powerful and presitigious than I thought they were?

@Prommie: Don’t set up a strawman argument, because that’s not what Mellbell meant.

Read the statements to the police. It’s not about ordering a handjob.

It’s the sense of entitlement and way he interacted with her (aside from any allegations of sexual innuendo) that is also disturbing. It reminds me of when I waited tables and the way some assholes would think they could order me around like I was their trained dog.


TJ: SCOTUS rules 8-1 that the haters of Protect Marriage Washington must release the names of petitioners who forced a ballot measure to try to overturn Washington state’s DP law. Clarence Fuckface Thomas dissenting. Suck on it, Maggie Gallagher.

Opinion here

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: When apprehended, he would bite his own lip, though, in the most boyishly appealing way, pawing his feet, clutching at his forelock, and staring at the ground for all the world like Eddie Haskell weaseling out of something he’d done.

@SanFranLefty: It appears to me that, if the allegations are true, which they most likely are only partially so at very best, he ordered what he thought would be a handjob-compliant “massage” and got mad when the handjob was refused. Thats not necessarily the result of a systematic power-mad ruling alpha-male pathological sense of “entitlement.” It could also be the result of making a mistake about the nature of the transaction he had entered into, and frustration and poor judgment in failing to perceive his mistake sooner. And thats if it was a mistake, rather than a sudden, and strategic, unilateral changing of the rules by the masseuse after she realized who she was with and how she could use the situation.

@rptrcub: Cool. I’ll take more transparency anywhere I can get it, since Obama sure as hell isn’t providing it.

@SanFranLefty: Not to mention that Al Gore’s standing could go a long way toward explaining the police and media’s disinterest in the story.

@mellbell: His standing is also what makes him vulnerable to the false claims of grifters and opportunists.

@Prommie: Of course it’s possible that this woman, upon meeting a celebrity politician, saw dollar signs rather than starbursts, but it’s equally possible that Gore is the bad guy here. I don’t pretend to know.

@al2o3cr: I can’t speak for PDX cops, but the Oregonian’s a pretty decent paper. Or was, last I looked about ten years ago.

And then there’s Willamette Week, which has been a first-class AltRag in the past.

We have a Stinquer in-country up there. Maybe he’ll check in with the local angle.

@SFL: What’s in the water in the Willamette River?

Matt Groening’s a PDX boy.

@Prommie: I didn’t mean in any way to make that implication and will correct it now. Sorry.

And I agree that someone with his power and prestige is open to grifters. Thus my point above the stamp that one would think that even if it were all legit hunk-dory that there’s potential for liars looking for a zillion bucks from the Enquirer.


How much will you guys give me for details of my torrid affair with John Boehner?

@SanFranLefty: And I have reciprocally edited myself. Claws re-sheathed, temper-tempest-in-a-teapot past.

I think I have ecological armegeddon fatigue syndrome. I am testy and stabby and want to bite someone. I need to have my second chakra released.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: I will pay you to NOT give us details of your affair with Orange Man.

@Prommie: “I need to have my second chakra released.”

Don’t we all.

@SanFranLefty: “Release the second chakra” is the new “release the kraken.” Or at least it should be.

@Prommie: The kidz is being denied a full airing of this whole 2d chakra thing: “In Hinduism, the second chakra is located in or near the sexual / reproductive organs, as it is related to pleasure. Due to this fact, it is the one chakra whose location is not stated in the show’s dialogue.”

Wiki for the Nick cartoon (and film) “Avatar: The Last Airbender”

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: A six pack of Yeunglings if you get into the part where he begged you to tie him up and shit in his mouth while recordings of the Nuremberg rallies played on a PA.

At least he didn’t say ‘Stroke the Panther’

Just stop for a moment: Can anyone srsly imagine Al Gore, who has the sexual charisma of a box of woodchips, physically intimidating anyone into a sex act?

If she said he’d forced her to watch a PowerPoint presentation, then we’d know he’s guilty as sin.


@Original Andrew: Can anyone srsly imagine Al Gore… physically intimidating anyone into a sex act?

You presume we’re willing to try.

@Original Andrew: Just received spam from a Mr. Spermvolume Enjoyablesex. Possibly related.

TJ/ Electricity’s out. Flash flood on the way. Electric range (boo!). But P-Funk makes it all go down better.

P.S. You married people and your sex talk: >:-/ (I kid!)

@Original Andrew: I assume all these guys are into all kinds of Caligulan shit and are riddled with diseases and disabilities related to all that, managed by really high end doctors who can keep them looking like they’re not half dead or stoned. Typical night at home, say, Bill and Hillary shove endangered species of weasels into their assholes and feast on piping plovers and wine made from the blood of virgins while watching house servants beat poor children to death before the couple descend upon their still warm carcasses to have their way with them.

Oh, shit! Just got groceries and the power is out. Do I throw all the meat in the freezer or just leave the fridge alone?

@FlyingChainSaw: Politicians: Big egos, bigger libidos.


You write children’s books in real life, amirite?

@JNOV: Put it all in the freezer and don’t open the doors. Alternatively, go to your nearest Wa-Wa and get some bricks of ice to put in the freezer/fridge with the meat.
@Original Andrew: She said she called him a “crazed sex poodle” and a “lummox” – both of those turns of phrase made me laugh.

@Original Andrew: Yes, actually, although nothing I come up with or observe in the demented dystopia of 21st century America can compare to the Brothers Grimm.

@SanFranLefty: Thanks! Electricity keeps going off and on. Don’t got no car. Guess Jr and I are hoofin’ it to the Wawa (bet they’re closed if they don’t have power). I have a propane cook stove and some camping lanterns (electric — the propane one will kill us). But I was going to make brown-sugar bacon-wrapped meatloaf. :-(

Hokay — I think the power will be on long enough to make the buttermilk cornbread and the Best Meatloaf Ever. We were going to have sausage penne + spinach, but the Genaurdi’s/Safeway/Alberston’s was out of sweet Italian sausage. Really. And they neglected to tell me until the groceries arrived this afternoon. At like, 3 pm. I’m also missing live basil and 6 red bell peppers and ground chicken. They couldn’t call or email me this morning so I could walk to the co-op and pick up those few things? Argh! No smoked mozzarella, either. They don’t carry it. Do not ever use their friggin’ online shopping/delivery service. I boo them.

Someone come administer CPR if Jr or I have an MI, please.

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