Slow News Day, So Let’s Go With Inept Cannibalism

Tastes like chicken.

Human: The other, other, other white meat.

I told them not to show the inmates that Mel Gibson movie about the Mayans, but would they listen? Nooooo.

@Original Andrew: Don’t let the Pork Board hear you say that. You may be subjected to the world’s most redonkulous C&D order.

I could see it – working in the dark probably, and fast at that. Reach in too high on the left side and you’ll grab some lung. The color, texture and structure should have been a tip off, though.

@flippin eck: We’d like to publicly apologize to the NPB for the confusion over unicorn and pork…. Excellent.

@redmanlaw: Ewwwwwwwww.

@flippin eck: I’m insanely jealous. The closest we’ve come to a C&D is Miss Nevada politely asking us to remove a photo relating her to John Ensign. Or the guv. I forget which.

Yes, it was a Chainsaw post. You need to ask?

“…However, the man removed the wrong organ, and ate his lung by mistake.”

Does this mean he gets out on a technicality?

…cause that would be… awesome!

The Texas GOP backs (hehehe) another winner:

Defending BP against a government “shakedown” isn’t the only item on Texas Republicans’ agenda: The Texas Republican Party has released its official 2010 platform, and it includes a call for the Texas legislature to reinstate the ban on sodomy that the Supreme Court overturned in 2003. “We oppose the legalization of sodomy,” the platform reads. “We demand that Congress exercise its authority granted by the U.S. Constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy.” The Texas GOP also wants to make same-sex marriage a felony crime.

So will that ban sodomy for godfearing heteros as well as for the ghey spawn of Satan? Or do they not realize that many heteros regularly commit “sodomy” of one sort or another? Yet another reason to stay the hell out of Texas.

When you’ve got Miss Nevada and sodomy in the same thread, it’s a good news day.

Lights! Next course, Mountain Oysters.

@Mistress Cynica:

It never counts for you guys. Straight people can buttfuck all they want, with impunity.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Doesn’t the ‘legal’ definition include oral and anything ‘deviant’ like leaving the lights on?

@Benedick:

I can’t see a straight couple brought up on blowjob charges, no matter what the legal definition is.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg:

Happens all the time, actually. My recollection’s a bit fuzzy, but there was a rather notorious case in Georgia recently: 18 year-old honors student & football star got a blow job from a 16 year-old girl at a party and the incident was captured on videotape. He’s black, so the court sentenced him to 20 years in prison for statutory rape and ruined his life even though it was 100% consensual. Can’t recall if he was ever vindicated and released–anyone else remember the details? It was all over the ACLU’s and Salon’s websites.

Like Dan Savage says, once the neo-nutzies are done with us gays, they’re coming for the str8ts, too.

@Original Andrew: Think it was overturned on appeal — doesn’t have to register as a sex offender, etc. I’ll check.

ADD: And if it’s the same guy, I’m not sure he was over 18.

@Dodger: Just lacking rum, and the lash.

@Prom: “that’s not cannibalism, that’s salsa.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: I can vouch for that, I was caught stone cold by the cops engaging in straight couple oral sex, in a car, fucking prick cop snuck up to the car, in darkness, until he could suddenly shine his flashlight right in the window and “illuminate the festivities” as I prefer to think of it. Mind you, this was recent, I had panic-stricken fears of a newspaper story, “prominent local attorneys charged with public lewdness.” But the cop was satisfied with what he got to see and the story he got to tell, and told us to go home.

Am I alone in believing that no matter that you are old and married and boring, you just have to make a point of making sure to have car-sex at least once a year, just to stay young?

@Original Andrew:
Of course they are.

Sex is bad unless it’s for procreation or when They (not us) get a little sum sum on the down low.

@ManchuCandidate: I have been banging this drum constantly, yes yes yes, the anti-homosexual agenda is a part of our hideous, backward, victorian prudishness. The idea that sex is dirty dirty dirty and bad, is so deeply ingrained in our culture, it crosses the political divide, liberals as much as conservatives get their panties in a wad over news of a sex “scandal.” We are prosecuting teenagers for ‘sexting,” just for sending nakey pics of themselves to each other. For some insane reason, this is so much more frightening than when they just show their naked bodies to each other in person. Its cause its “dirty.” Puritanism.

The fundamental deep underlying victorian ethic is that sex is only ok in a married or committed couple situation, basically, for procreation. Homosexual sex is not for procreation, so its bad, dirty dirty dirty, “icky,” as Huckleberry Hound put it.

@Promnight: No, you are not alone. Just read in “Wheels for the World” that Lee Iacocca received letters of complaint about the 64 Mustang because of the bucket seats; too restrictive for “necking”.

@Promnight:
What bothers me even more is that they’re more than happy to excuse their sexual desires when they stray. The ole hypocrisy card.

Fuck them (not literally.)

@ManchuCandidate: Do you remember the scene in the original Mash movie, when Burns and Hotlips get it on, burns says to Hotlips “I think God meant for us to be together.” Hotlips responds by ripping her top off and smashing her breasts into his face, as she says “His will be done.” This is not over-the-top comedy, this is what happens, thousands, millions, of times every day. When your conservative religious type starts to feel that visceral tug of our hormonal, instinctual response to sex, he or she almost always interprets this strong, overwhelming impulse as something supernatural, they assume it must be some kind of message from God that this is what God wants them to do. After all, they are good christians, they cannot possibly be experiencing something so tawdry as simple, good old fashioned lust. So they are all like, “God is love, I am feeling such strong love, this incredible strong feeling, that this is right, this must be God speaking to me, telling me, this is right, we are two righteous people, we would not be feeling this incredible yearning unless God willed it to be.” And then they fuck, just like unbelievers and moral degenerates fuck, with all kinds of oral and anal stuff going on, and groaning and moaning and splashing about of fluids, but they truly believe this is God-approved fucking.

I know this, because I have been a party to it, not that I needed or felt that I had God’s personal approval to fuck the woman in question, but I knew that she felt that she had God’s approval and mandate to fuck my brains out, and I was not about to start proselytizing atheism right at that moment.

@Promnight:

A “come to Jeezus moment?”

@JNOV:

What was really chilling about that case was that kid had everything going for him, and some court destroyed his life out of spite. We’d like to think that we were beyond that kind of outrageous, in-your-face, institutionalized judicial racism in the Roaring Zeroes, but we weren’t and we’re not.

There but for the grace of the FSM go I. When I was growing up as a baby ghey in Arkansas in the 90s, it would’ve been perfectly legal to arrest me, and throw me in prison for sodomy, yikes.

@Original Andrew: I’m not really making fun, the feelings they feel, I think, are sincere. we are wired that way.

@Original Andrew: A come with Jesus moment?

A come for Jesus moment.

@Original Andrew: Gar — the day got away from me. I’ll check on that kid’s case ASAP.

@JNOV: @Original Andrew:

So, does Jeebus cry “Oh, me!” or “Oh, Dad!”?

Just wondering.

@Nabisco: He cries, “Oh, Father! Why hast thou forsaken me?” when faced with ED or anorgasmia.

@JNOV: The FBI has been claiming for years to have tape of MLK Jr. and an associate banging a pair of preacher-groupies, and there are such things, and during these festivities, the money quote from that great orator is “Now we’re fucking for Jesus!”

@Prommie: Heh. Yeah, Hoover had a hard-on for King. ::rimshot::

Beer TJ/ Lagunitas IPA or Great Divide Belgian IPA?

@JNOV: Lagunitas. But did you ever try Stone IPA when you were at Pendleton?

@SanFranLefty: Sadly, no. I wasn’t introduced to the joy that is IPA until I was out. Started off slowly with Sierra Nevada, and I’ve been sampling them since. I’m off to my liquid lunch! Lagunitas it is!

See you on the flip side. <3

@JNOV: Dogfish Head IPA, do do do try Dogfish Head IPA, it comes in 3 varieties, 30, 60, and 90 minutes, I think this refers to the length of time they kreusen it.

@nojo: Don’t think I didn’t notice you baiting the National Pork Board with your tweet!