Don’t Worry, Arizona, South Carolina Has Your Back

We keep imagining the great mistakes of South Carolina and Arizona in some kind of competition for the America’s Cup of Douchebaggery — just as one takes a commanding lead, the other comes from behind — but we’re beginning to wonder whether they’re really tag-teaming us.

Case in point: This new ad from Gresham Barrett, who’s facing proto-GILF Nikki Haley in a runoff for the Republican gubernatorial nomination. Nikki, as you’ll recall, has been the subject of public pestorking fantasies by not one, but two Republican operatives. She’s also been called a “raghead” by SC good ol’ bastard Jake Knotts, apparently because her folks are Indian Sikhs, and in defiance of her conversion to The One True Religion.

It’s gotten so amusing bad that we’ve completely ignored her endorsement from Sarah Palin.

So here comes Barrett, neatly working in the boast that he’s a “Christian family man who won’t embarrass us,” for which you can read (1) White, (2) Male, (3) Didn’t worship snake gods during his childhood, or whatever the fuck those ragheads do, and (4) Is more attractive to horses than women, guaranteeing that you won’t have to worry about bimbo eruptions.

All well and good. Problem is, at least three of those four subtexts also apply to Mark Sanford.


…and then, when there was nowhere left to take it, the GOP became a caricature of itself.

I’m still trying to recover from last night’s eruption of anglophilia but this ad is all kinds of awesome. Not the least aspect of which is its obvious union crew and co-star: who, by the way, I was totes expecting to say “Gresham, you make me want to… kiss you.”

Now I think I have to go and eat something with chips. Just to remember that I am alive. Oh and BTW, an ice storm? Really? WTF??? It’s June!!!! Ice on the trees???

That commercial is some Hogan’s Heroes shit right there.

@Benedick: Oh FSM, I’ve been spending too much time on Stinque reading posts about musical theater and assless chaps and Republican/Christian politicians. My first thought when Smokey the Bear was getting all emotional was he is going to lay a big sloppy smooch right on the kisser of Mr. Wholesome Blandness.

Pathetic. The grunt did all the talking.

@Dave H: You and me both. I was waiting for some deep throated tongue kissing that would rival ChainSaw’s fantasies of the threesome of Elisabeth Kucinich/Christina Hendricks/Michelle Obama.

I haz a sad that Chicken Lady and Andre “The Giant” Bauer are out of their races, though.

When’s the primary in Arizona? They still have time to bring teh krazee.

@SanFranLefty: @Dave H: There’s a reason for that. They play it like a love scene from You’ve Got Mail. And the internet parodies begin in….

@Capt Howdy:

It is a ripoff from Proverbs:

As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
-KJV, Proverbs 26:11

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg:

wouldnt know a proverb from an adverb but I figured something like that.
pretty intense trailer though no? I wanted to read it for at least a nanosecond.

@Capt Howdy:

Feh. I wouldn’t piss on it to get chlamydia discharge outta my dick.

@Capt Howdy: @Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: It’s Kipling.

Minus a line: “That All is not Gold that Glitters.”

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Speaking of chlamydia, I’m listening to Sen McConnel and Sen Murkowski talk about Murkowski’s resolution to stop EPA from regulating greenhouse gas emissions. Who voted for these idiots?

@Dodgerblue: My dad? Perhaps not recently, but I’d be shocked if he didn’t pull the lever for Mitch back in 1984, and once you’ve voted someone into office, well, there’s little what can be done to get them out.


I tend to associate McConnell more with syphilis, but I see what you mean.

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