Baaaaaad Company

It’s a big Primary night across the country, with twelve states vying for Keith & Rachel’s attention, including Nevada (chickens!) and California (sheep!). We don’t think there will be any surprises, but just in case, we’re keeping our asses covered with this Open Thread/Shearing Party.

Your Closing Times nationwide:

7 pm: South Carolina, Georgia, Virginia
8 pm: Maine, New Jersey
8:30 pm: Arkansas
9 pm: North Dakota, South Dakota
10 pm: Iowa, Montana, Nevada
11 pm: California

We apologize for not having any drinking games to suggest, although Hemlock is always in style.

Update: Via Mellbell’s cameraphone, Meet Your Virginia Voter. The sticker in the middle says “Question Al Gore’s Authority”.


7:47 pm: Just sat through 47 minutes of Tweety, reminding me why I usually wait until the last minute to switch on the tube for Keef.

8:08 pm: Oh darn, Rand Paul said something stupid to Cavuto today. Missed it because I’m too used to Rand Paul saying stupid things.

So how’s Darling Nikki doing in South Crackolicious?

@SanFranLefty: Routing the field. Bauer is a distant third.

@nojo: There must be Nikki photos, Nikki video, something, somewhere …. I do so long for that.

@SanFranLefty: Yes, perhaps a red-headed lady of Exceptional Health will leap from the weeds, exalting her timeless love for Nikkicakes and confessing the torrid, bruising affairs they had before the polls close.

@nojo: Andre and his fey campaign manager who insists “really, I *did* have sex with Nikki,” will just have to go comfort their homo selves with blow jobs in rest stop bathrooms tonight.

ADD: Not that there’s anything wrong with blow jobs in rest stop bathrooms per se, it’s just the denying it.


Honey, there is a LOT wrong with rest-room blowjobs.

Public blowjobs are for bathhouses and sex clubs like God intended.

ADD: And cracked-out post-circuit orgies, now that I think about it.

Nikki forced into runoff. Gentlemen, restart your lie detectors!

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: You dudes who dig dudes got it good, I have to say. These things just don’t happen with the wimmins, unless they are for hire, and thats totally icky in so many ways.

@Promnight: Whats that movie, it must have been from the 80s, all I remember about it was a subplot with an old grandmom, who at one point asks the young female protagonist, “Whats it like to be (pause, and the following word whispered with a conspiratorial and also, very curious tone) promiscuous?” The old gal was wishing she’d come of age in these days.

@nojo: There are photos … please tell me there are photos? Me likes photos, the precious photos. Naked Nikki – the precious … photos.

@Promnight: And she asked the Dudley Moore character, not the Liza character.

@blogenfreude: Never mind the photos; we’re still waiting for any proof of extramural pestorking. Right now it’s two ugly dudes bragging too much.

@blogenfreude: Yes, there are, with Newt, naked and chained to a rack, dressed in a school girl dress and Nikki glowering over him, dressed in an SS costume and brandishing a nail-studded whip.

@FlyingChainSaw: That’s not Nikki, that’s Liz Cheney.

@nojo: Oh, yeah, you’re right. I was thinking Nikki went to a lot of trouble with the blond wig and stuff, for the sake of authenticity.

@blogenfreude: Its even better than I remembered it. Thank you.

Blanche may yet win Arkansas, after a day of old-fashioned poll shenanigans (limited stations and such) in areas favorable to her opponent.

(And Politico just called it.)

@Promnight: I expect the same sort of service when I visit your establishment … whenever I can get up off my ass and get out of Manhattan.

Gibbons goes down in NV, distracting me from a new Gil-Scott Heron clip.

@blogenfreude: You will get the best of service, this summer, I am going to have a big bash, and hope all available stinquers can come, its been hinted at, it started with a plan for the Biscos and Proms to get together, but Bisco, you’ve been broadcasting a bit, its OK we invite all Stinqueros who can make it? Earlier today, I wrote down a number I saw in an advertisement, for a charter boat company right here in the neighborhood which advertised party cruises, on a big boat, that can take 50 or so, and I got the idea, if I could get commitments from enough, I would love to host a real serious booze cruise through the watery world of prom,with hired drivers, so no worries, and for entertainment, well, I have a full drum set, an electric guitar and amp, and an acoustic, even though noone in the house can play any of them, we could split the drum kit up among 3 or even 4 people, get a tambourine or two, and we could form an amazing all-star amatuer drunken fiasco band, for live entertainment, and it wouldn’t even matter how bad we are, because there would be no audience, everyone at the party would be in the band, and really, think about it, wouldn’t that be the perfect party?

We’d let JNOV do the electric guitar for Back in Black, what her guitar instructor friend told her was true, its retardedly easy. And so is Louie Louie, at the worst, we could just do Louie Louie all night, and so what its a frat boy anthem, they listen to others do it, we would be doing it.

Moonbeam wins Cal demrat nom, to no one’s surprise.

Annnnnd, Moonbeam will battle eMeg this fall. No surprise.

@nojo: Paradigm of the times, free market business celeb, vs. hippie throwback. All American politics is now “real murrican teabagger free market deregulation Reagan Reagan we hate browns and queers, vs. commie socialist hippie corrupt union hippie communist fascist hippie. Coherence be damned, politics no longer has any connection with coherent policy proposals intended to address real problems in the real world. Think about that, its literally, absolutely true. All political debate now consists of hurling epithets, nothing more, nothing whatsoever more.

Its Palin time in America! Abandon hope, all those who think in terms of logical syllogisms, logic and coherence and meaning itself are irrelevant today, in our public debate. Its that bad, it truly is that bad.

Demon Sheep wins, faces off against Boxer this fall.

Early returns show Orly behind. Damn.

@Promnight: I don’t think it was ever any better. And politics gets particularly nuts here because it’s seen as self-expression. Plus with the internet and cable news and all that time to fill before we die it gets pretty noisy.

Chicken Lady loses to Sharron Angle, a nutcase who’s underperformed other nutcases this spring.





Well, there’s still the specter of the summer of Talibunny campaigning in the Central Valley for sMegma and Carly.

So Tommie can keep his avatar (and name) for a while longer.

It’s a shame about Tom Campbell. A really good guy and smart as hell.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: I thought restroom blowjobs were only icky when given by a toothless tweaker. Or does that make it better?

BTW, if you haven’t already, please read Roger Ebert’s amazing column on the whitening of the elementary school mural in Arizona.

/and I’ve heard a rumor that our very own JamieSommers’ comment was given thumbs up by Mr. Ebert himself.

Anybody hash out Judge Walker’s questions in the Prop H8 trial?

@Promnight: You’ve never had sex in a public place? C’mon!

Saw this on Huffpo–too funnie:


@SanFranLefty: Did you see that the GOP is running another vendito* Hispanic for governor, this time in Nevada?

* “sell out”

@redmanlaw: We got one running for Lt. Gov here in Alta California.

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