Michele, Ma Belle

Just when we thought we were done with all the amusing unintended consequences of Census paranoia, another one turns up: When it asks whether you’re married, it doesn’t make sure you’re opposite-married…

Some conservatives have complained that the eventual count of same-sex unions will be legally inaccurate while serving as ammunition for homosexual-marriage advocates. Gary Randall, president of the Bellevue, Wash.-based Faith and Freedom Network, complained in a blog posting last month that the census “is leaving it to responders to characterize their own relationships, regardless of legal status.”

“Will homosexual numbers be inflated by this ‘you decide what you are’ policy? Probably,” Randall wrote.

Then again, they’ll probably also be inflated by wingnut boycotts and Erick Erickson pulling a shotgun on government workers.

Conservatives fear census will inflate ‘gay’ numbers [AP/OneNewsNow]

80 comments:

7:06 am • Monday • April 12, 2010

“Will homosexual numbers be inflated by this ‘you decide what you are’ policy? Probably,” Randall wrote.

I propose that Census workers be required to watch you fuck your supposed partner just to ensure that everyone’s on the up and up when they make claims about their sexual orientation. Just to avoid numbers being inflated.

7:29 am • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Serolf Divad:
“Not the Real Census XXX”

For once, the RW loons paranoid tardation is doing US America a big favor.

Census 2010 = Fluoridated Water 1946

9:32 am • Monday • April 12, 2010

Mr. Randall’s probably just worried that the census form’s magical truth rays will force him and his colleagues to disclose the rent-boy chained underneath the stairs as a resident. :)

9:39 am • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Serolf Divad: This has a certain mythic ring to it. If you can’t get it up, then do they kill you?

10:55 am • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Serolf Divad: That’s it. I’ll have to quit before one of the GOP crazies in Congress adds that to our job. For every porn star body out there this country has thousands of obese slobs who are repulsive enough when seen fully clothed.

11:25 am • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Dodgerblue:

No, but they might remove you from your Republican leadership position. :)

Even the wingnuts wouldn’t push this, given how much difficulty their party has keeping the closet nailed shut.

12:03 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Serolf Divad, @Dave H: Hey Mr. Census-taker stud, I need help characterizing my relationship…can you give me a hand?

12:18 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

Everything about us terrifies them, eventhe mere fact that we exist.

Sad.

12:46 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

Damn, I was hoping this was a fashion post about FLOTUS. SHould have double checked the spelling.

1:55 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Mistress Cynica: My friend (who works for Biden) went to the WH lawn egg roll last week and all we got were pictures of Reese Witherspoon. No Michelle. Boooo. (The WH eggs have a picture of a jogging in shorts and a t-shirt, per her FB photo album).

BTW, I personally think the Biden gig is a step down for her. She had access to FDOTUS Bo when she was in the West Wing.

I think all you fashionistas would have appreciated the sight of the girl I saw yesterday looking like a young Taos-era Millicent Rogers in a grey mink stole, long crushed deep purple velvet Navajo skirt and concho belt on skis.

2:37 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Mistress Cynica: If you ask me it’s high-effing-time we had another Vagina-American Stinquer with posting capabilities to make sure FLOTUS fashion and other essential topics are covered more often. Since I shirk responsibility as a rule, I don’t nominate myself of course. But I think you or SFL or Jaime or Mellbell or JNOV or… (need I go on?) would all do fabulous jobs!

3:55 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@flippin eck:

I vote for any of those. All of them, in fact.

Do we get votes?

4:09 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@flippin eck: I’m game. We could have a “Style” section.

4:11 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Mistress Cynica: Why marginalize ourselves?

@flippin eck: Does our ghey-American HF still have keys to the hot-rod? He should be posting fashion threads, since he is the Captain of the Stinque Fashion Police.

4:12 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

I think it’s a fine idea, although I’ll miss the fashion tjs.

/dude who has outdoor clothing in three patterns of camouflage

4:13 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@SanFranLefty:

IMHO, we need Dodger’s fashion advice. WWDW (What would Dodger Wear?)?!?!?!

4:14 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@redmanlaw:

Catch that turkey yet?

4:19 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@flippin eck: Since I shirk responsibility as a rule

And there’s the first problem…

I don’t disagree that there are too many sausages in the kitchen, and my original post announcing the site suggested that Rungay liveblogs would be welcome. Or, short of that, tolerated.

So I’m definitely open to suggestions and nominations. But fair warning: I can be a picky bastard.

4:22 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: We scouted out two flocks on Saturday. We found a roosting tree where they crash out at night for one, and a travel corridor along a small snowmelt stream for another for Plan B. Plan C is to locate by using hen calls for the toms then set up an ambush along their likely path. Plan D is to extol the beauty of the woods and how great it is to get out. Remark upon the smart, wily nature of the worthy prey, and say “that’s why it’s called ‘hunting’, and not ‘killing turkeys'”. I know that play all too well.

4:27 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head:

Isn’t that WWDWADPOFH?

(What Would Dodger’s Wife And Daughters Pick Out For Him?)

4:35 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@SanFranLefty:

Shh! He made me promise not to tell!

4:37 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@redmanlaw: I have a feeling that even with some new fashion posts, we’ll still find space for a few TJs elsewhere. And won’t it be fun to see retro keyboard TJs on fashion posts?

@nojo: I know, sorry–I head up a small ragtag committee at my church, and one of my biggest pet peeves is the people who say, “Someone needs to make this happen…but not me!” I’m just intimidated by the need to be semi-prolific and clever and spell things correctly!

4:38 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@redmanlaw:

Perhaps if you invite them, reasonably, into your cross-hairs and promise them it is better for them if they do just that. That’s how Republicans get poor people to vote for them.

4:39 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: Puh-leeeze, do you think that I would think for one second that he was the person who picked out his stylish glasses?

7:01 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@nojo: I nominate JamieSommers.

7:30 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@SanFranLefty: Do we have a second? And does Jamie consent to be drafted by the mob?

7:31 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: That’s why we use hen calls to attract toms: “Come get your love.”

Actual turkey hens in the wild. They are absolutely beautiful birds. They look just like the bourbon bottle.

ADD: Second on Jamie.

ADD More: OK, this commercial for turkey calls is the weirdest fucking ad you will ever, ever, ever see.

7:34 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@nojo: Second. Third.

7:54 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

And speaking of fashion TJs, the Chicago Bar Association held a “What Not to Wear” fashion show for law students.

Had I known about this beforehand, I would have asked flippin or HF to provide coverage, though these two did a good job.

8:07 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@nojo: This is true. :’-(

8:09 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: What’s The Giant Floating Head? It’s giving me awful flashbacks to the Macy’s Thanksgiving’s Day Parade.

8:24 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@SanFranLefty: In defense of Dodger’s taste, he has picked out some of the most beautiful yarn I’ve seen. On his own. He has skillz.

8:43 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@JNOV: Bless you. But, truth be told, my wife did pick out my glasses.

9:06 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@JNOV: OMG, I meant to tell you. On Saturday I was at the farmer’s market and the 60-something woman standing next to me was wearing the EXACT SAME hat that you made for me – same wool, same style. Mr. SFL said, “Did you lose your hat?”

9:10 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

The ad I’m getting on this page says: “Want a new gay boyfriend?”

9:14 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@SanFranLefty: Did you slap a bitch? I’m trying to think — I have made a scarf out of the same yarn, but that went up to Oregon or something. Hmmm…or maybe Canada. Not sure.

I’m trying to decide if I want to start knitting bikinis and halter tops or if I should just switch over to screen printing for awhile. I still have everybody’s shirt — they’re all dyed. I still have a shitton of artwork to finish. Maybe I’ll get back to that tomorrow.

9:15 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@Dodgerblue: I’ve already had two.

9:26 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@JNOV: Didn’t baked marry two?

9:49 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@SanFranLefty: I think you might be right.

11:00 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

TJ/ Back to things that don’t include swinging dicks

I’d like it if someone covered NARAL/Women of the World types of issues. Not necessarily a Jezebel thing, but posts that addressed how politics are affecting wimmins here and abroad. We get good links from our XX Stinquers, but it would be nice to see actual posts about this stuff from time to time. Something a little more meaty than fashion. I’m not saying to exclude Project Rungay or anything — I dunno. Reproductive rights affect us all to some degree, even if we’re not breeders. I see it as a Martin Niemöller kind of thing.

ADD: Oh, and I guess swinging dicks do factor into the discussion.

11:12 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@JNOV: Read a copy of the Nation on the train home yesterday, and learned that there is a group of pro-life wimmins who claim that abortion is actually a threat to their right to not have invasive procedures involving their ladybits. Feminist anti-choicers, such as. This may be well known among the faithful/well-read among you, but my mind was blown.

I’d forgotten how much of the Left resembles the “Life of Brian” choice between the People’s Judean Front and the Judean Peoples’ Front.

11:22 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@NaBEEsko: See. That’s what I’m screaming.

11:27 pm • Monday • April 12, 2010

@JNOV: Here ya go, JNOV…feed us a post!

(I tossed the copy of the Nation, but remember now that it was a letter from a wmn with this FFL complaining about something…)

12:14 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@JNOV: Now I would do that column. Especially in light of a former life I once had. I don’t feel all that comfortable doing fashion posts given my love for soccer shorts, fleece, and clogs.

12:40 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

Goddamn, I take an afternoon off and suddenly I’m drafted into the natural fiber army. What would this entail exactly?

@SanFranLefty: We had an appeals judge write a how to be a good little associate piece for the bar mag, which included a section on dressing properly (including pantyhose for the ladies). Boy, did the shit hit the fan on that one. Of all the controversial and novel legal topics we publish, what got the masses all riled up was the pronouncement that chicks’ legs should be encased in nylon no matter what the thermometer says.

12:41 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@SanFranLefty: It’s my Jesse James khakis and an oxford tomorrow as I venture forth down to the Big City for a meeting and then back up north to Indian Country (as defined at 18 USC 1151). I generally wear something you can get some dust on and still look OK in. Funny thing is I thought I’d never wear them.

12:46 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@redmanlaw: Jesse James the cowboy or Jesse James the Nazi?

12:46 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: If you’re interested, write me at nojo@stinque and I’ll dish. Mainly it entails dealing with WordPress. Plus those really wicked above-the-timestamp parties we don’t tell anyone about.

1:05 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Nozzie pants were $16 at Wal Mart. They had a whole line of pseudo biker shit and workwear (as in tire store and garage, not necessarily downtown law firm) roll out right around the Oscars. To clarify, I got them when he was just a horndog and before the other revelations a couple of weeks ago.

1:25 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@RML:

I thought it was horrifying when Sprawl-Mart started selling the “your 12 year old daughter can look like a tramp too” Miley Cyrus line of clothes but Nazi-biker dude gear is more disturbing.

1:36 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@SanFranLefty: I’m sure Wally’s was caught with their pants down on that one. As for the trousers themselves, I think they’ll take a beating and still look OK.

1:47 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@nojo: I’d love to roll out the in house blog I started for the company (no, not that one), but not sure yet where the line is drawn on fairly serious banter and SBU. I’ve checked the linquie and it most definitely is not publicly available, so that may answer my own question.

1:49 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@NaBEEsko: Is that new avatar a guy from Eye Beam?

4:14 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@redmanlaw: by the great Sam Hurt, yes it is.

8:07 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@SanFranLefty:
yes you are correct. i married not one, but 2 friends of dorothy.
it has something to do with my dad being a closet case i think, why they married me i don’t even want to contemplate.
just call me liza with a B.

8:25 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@redmanlaw:
in miami i went into a walmart. it looked like bergdorf’s compared to the store next door—ROSS. is this a national chain or just a pit of despair in miami? i bought nothing, snapped my jaw shut, took a shower and went to neimans to put the world right again.
i believe i lost 10 IQ points in 10 minutes of breathing the air in that polyester palace.

and why was i not considered for fashionstinque? i was voted best dressed and class clown in HS, my taste in clothing is legend!
(gay dad always took me shopping)
see how much nojo hates me?

8:27 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@baked: I was about to remark that you get the Garland award but Liza might be more apt. Actually, Coral Brown might be the perfect role model since she had two gay husbands (the second was Vincent Price) who were both great cooks and whom she both adored.

Gay men of a certain age were almost to a man desperate to become ‘normal’. Too often this involved finding a sympathetic woman to marry. Victim is an extremely good movie on this subject. This kind of alliance is less popular now though one still sees plenty of examples. Not a good way to live one’s life unless, of course, both parties are aware and willing partners. The deception – of self and one’s spouse – is always toxic. Why women who find themselves in this kind of marriage are not accorded more respect and sympathy is beyond me.

8:40 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@Benedick:
i had so much fun with them benedick…shoe shopping! spa weekends!
ended amicably and you can still see their handsome faces on my FB.
i bought them both housewarming gifts when they moved out.
so i find a str8 one and he has affairs with female israeli soldiers.
the fault lies with me, i know, another 40 years of therapy and we’ll straighten the whole thing out.

8:42 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@baked: ROSS “dress for less”, right? Sadly, I know the place – two decades ago, in graduate school, I bought some shirts and pants there before starting a job that required more than shorts and flip flops. It required a six pack of beer before my gf stopped laughing at all the crap I had picked out.

8:45 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@baked: Everything I know I learn from “Weeds”. So this – “so i find a str8 one and he has affairs with female israeli soldiers – makes me wonder if you’re not on no. 3?

/kidding/

9:05 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@NaBEEsko: Everything I know I learned from TFLN. I find it endlessly fascinating and wonder how much of it is true. Because if it is then there’s hope for us yet.

9:16 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@NaBEEsko:
weeds…mine are doing great. i baby and nurture them in place of my dogs…look for growth updates in the clubhouse.

also found a pic that i’m going to scan and post…south jersey’s finest
c. 18th century. and laugh at baby baked posing with atlantic county’s assistant prosecutors. taken right before i was permanently out of order.

10:54 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@Benedick:
my adbot is mocking me with “find a gay millionaire”

11:07 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

JNOV likes this!

11:08 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@NaBEEsko: Sadly, I don’t have the skillz. Thank you, though. Very much!

11:10 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@baked: I keep getting pics of Hugh Downs hawking some hypertension snake oil.

11:28 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@NaBEEsko: @SanFranLefty: Wow. That FFL group is definitely post-worthy. I was raised in a family that was not in the least patriarchal yet strongly anti-abortion for religious reasons, so you would think I would have an edge in understanding their “logic,” but I don’t. SFL, I think you would do a great job writing it up, if you’re willing.

@Benedick: I’m glad I’m not the only one fascinated by TFLN. Thanks to reading it, I now have a fear of potential future partners who might yell out some lame-ass cultural reference at the crucial moment. Ick.

11:46 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@flippin eck:

I’ve known about FFL for a long while. They make my blood boil.

Nojo tossed me a spare key to the Stinque hot-rod, so maybe after I get some shit done at work I’ll take this baby for a spin around the block. I’ll try not to be too earnest or downer and try to channel Chainsaw and work in some necrobestiality perstorking.

11:53 am • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@SanFranLefty: I would be pleased if you shone your lawyerly/humanist light on this FFL thing, Lefty. Seeings how I live in the land once called “Serendip”, it had to have been more than a coincidence that someone tossed me their unread “Nation” before my train trip this weekend.

@flippin eck: Aside from the fact that I do not now nor will I ever have “future potential partners” in my life, I now have a fear that my partner-for-life might yell out “TFLN” at the crucial moment – and I won’t have the slightest clue what she’s talking about. De-code, please?

12:08 pm • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@NaBEEsko: Texts From Last Night. Enter at your own risk. (There’s also a linque to it under the Indulgences heading in the left column, BTW.)

12:12 pm • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@SanFranLefty: Huzzah!

12:51 pm • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@flippin eck: What is the TFLN? I am blocked from it, and advised it is pornographic, is it a collection of the new version of drunk dialing? The problem with texting being this permanent record of your shame part.

1:33 pm • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@Prommie: Here’s an example

(804):

I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.

1:44 pm • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@Prommie: Another

(978):

You have to understand, this is the first time I’m looking at a whopper sober.

another

(586):

apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can’t even be mad about that.

1:57 pm • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@JNOV: Thats funny. I can’t do anything that DOESN’T involve an erection.

2:08 pm • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@Prommie: It purports to be text messages sent by mostly college students to each other while either drunk, hungover, stoned or all three. It can be hilarious though I am suspicious of its authenticity. You need to, as it were, get into their world; which is all kinds of weird and refreshing. A lot of it has to do with vomit and how to get it off the cat/ceiling/roommate. You will be proud of our youth.

found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him

theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.

2:21 pm • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@Benedick: There is wisdom in there.

2:45 pm • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@Benedick: Reminds me of “Shit My Dad Says,” which I cannot believe is being made into a sitcom pilot. It cannot possibly work, the funny is in the horrendous dirty language of the dad, which will all have to go. If that kinda langauge would fly on TV, Chainsaw would have a Sunday morning political show where he would scream abuse at various guests.

2:59 pm • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@Prommie: I agree, except for one detail: The pilot stars Shatner. It… could… work!

3:47 pm • Tuesday • April 13, 2010

@nojo: I did not know that, as Carson used to say; you are correct sir, as his sidekick used to say, that could work. ben folds could play the son!

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