Make Yourself Invisible

Can’t wait to read the comments. I’m sure they’re thoughtful, empathetic, completely logical, and totally not racisty at all.

Update: I take it all back. I’m a stupid bitch.

@Original Andrew: Darling, read today’s tweet. Learn it. Live it.

I never understood the Southwest states being full of people who hate Mexicans. That’d be like living in Minnesota and bitching about the snow…

OK. Back to important stuff. Here I am in the third world and what do I do? I go see a musical. And, people, they are bringing it on. Makin’ it happen.

The curtain rises on Happy Villagers doing something with garlic. I discovered tonight that it’s a big plus when attending Musical Theatre not to be able to understand the lyrics. Stuff happens and there’s much coarse actiung from the ensemble. The set revolves to reveal a bint in a bathtub washing with a phallic sponge that will prove to be a plot point. Somehow the juvenile happens upon her and the first Big Tune is introduced. I should add that the juvenile, who is very cute and sings beautifully is haunted by a funny character man who would be the first to get a stake through the heart were I up on stage. Then the set revolves several times while the cast bays at the audience. Then the king of the vampires shows up being mean, moody and magnificent. He sings about his hopes and dreams and fears. More stuff happens among the villagers. Suddenly the scene shifts to leather night at the Transyllvanian gay disco and we are disappointed to discover that we have a Dream Laurie on our hands for the dancey-dancey with the men’s ensemble. This would not get past the theatre queens who guard the entrance to New York’s harbor but here I am in the third world and I am forced to deal with it. Somehow we get back to the Villagers and then, in a startling and to my mind entirely satisying plot point, the vampire god/stud seduces away the hottie village maiden by presenting her with a pair of red leather boots.

I will pause while we all take that in. He seduces her with footwear.

Red boots.

Then, thank God, the scene shits to castle Vampire and things perk up. Everyone gets bitten though not necessarily by the one they deserve. Vampire king’s depraved servant Igor has stuff to do that involves licking other actors and I discover the part I will play in the Goodspeed revival. After the interval we are presented with the Big Song which is then repeated, with variations, for the rest of the evening. There is a stunning scenic transition into a cemetery and then other stuff. Turns out one of the vamps is a gay. We know this because he is dressed in lavender and swishes about being alter gayensie kocker. The offensiveness is lessened when he gets it on with the juvenile. Then there’s stuff and shit and it ends up with a panorama of Vienna and all the vamps living now and all dress in black and chains and menacing the shit out of the audience. Before a backdrop of Vienna. The most threatening place on earth. And you just want to take them home and give them tea. And maybe ease Hans out of those tight clingy leather pants to discuss his future in show business. Then we all stood up and ran to get our coats out of the coat check place while we tried to stop our ears from bleeding.

I had a grand time. I am home eating tuna fish out of a can.

@Benedick von Trapp: I am home eating tuna fish out of a can.

There’s another way?

@al2o3cr: Minnesota is where those Mexican-haters are from, that and Chicago.

The Midwestern transplants come down here thinking that it’s still all desert and Dairy Queens with nary a colored folk or liberal in sight.

@Benedick von Trapp:

And the title? What was the title?

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Half the bus ads in Sandy Eggo mock me for failing sixth-grade Spanish.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Where have you been, girlfriend? Missed you…

@nojo: And all my friends mocked me for being the slightly shorter of two tall kids with the same name: “Me llamo Miguelito.”

@Tommmcatt Say Relax: Tanz de Vampire. And in all seriousness, a stunning scenic production in a theatre so beautiful I had to sit with my legs crossed.

@nojo:

Miguelito? !Como adorable!

@Original Andrew: Four decades on, I still answer to it.

Re: Let Constance attend the prom with her girlfriend

So the battle has moved to the Itawamba County school superintendent’s page on El Libro de las Caras:

Jeremy Simmons Coach McNeece i know your having a bad time right now and though i dont agree with the dicision i also live in Itawamba Mississippi and i know you was in a no win situation.. So all you people from all over the United states dont know nothing about here. Coach McNeece was the best teacher i have ever had and i have went to school in Memphis, Baton Rouge, and Mississippi. Point blank i could care less about gay people if you wanna hit a guy in the ass thats your own messed up mind but i do believe in freedom and you gay fuckers clame yall do to. yall say you have a right to believe what you want to well so does she and i dont see her on any of your walls bitching and dogging on you four wanting it in ass.. which if you ask me is some nasty shit. so why dont you fagets shut the fuckup and stay where you want to we are not asking you to come to Mississippi so keep your opinions out of Mississppi putting this nasty ass gay shit on her wall like anyone wants to see your broke back mountain shit. if you want to be a shit packer be a shit packer.. but do it in your own house just like me and my wife.. and leave this women alone. and no im not a graduate but i dont take it in the ass so who is the smart one?

14 minutes ago · Report

Anne Bobanne Let me guess. She was your English teacher.

14 minutes ago · Report

OH SNAP!!

I saw a play at the Abbey Theater in Dublin a few years ago. There were happy villagers, hi-jinks with a village maiden, a charming rogue. Didn’t understand a word. My wife, suffering from jet lag, fell asleep after the intermission.

@Original Andrew: im not a graduate but i dont take it in the ass so who is the smart one?

Ladies and gentlemen, my dissertation committee.

@nojo:

As others have rightly pointed out, this unfortunate young man doesn’t seem to understand what a lesbian is.

Atenshon Lebaneezes ur doin it rong.

@Original Andrew:
If it didn’t hurt so much I’d LOL.

@Original Andrew: we are not asking you to come to Mississippi so keep your opinions out of Mississppi

But keep that hurricane-relief money coming!

@Original Andrew: Jeremy better be careful, because consensual shit-packing between heterosexuals may still be a crime in Mississippi. (Takes a while for those U.S. Supreme Court decisions to get through their heads).

I was in KMart with Mrs RML today buying bath stuff when I started reading the body wash labels. “Imported for Proctor & Gamble Canada, etc., . . . Montreal . . . ” I thought the label was in French so they could charge more for it.

@Benedick von Trapp: Sounds like every opera I ever saw. We have the chairback subtitle thingies at the SFO though, which is way cool, so you can follow the story.

@Mistress Cynica: I was so shocked at some of the racist shit I read on a gun blog this week that I wrote to a guy I know who is a friend of the blogger’s and asked WTF, did he know his friend’s readers were such poor excuses for humanity? Dude came back and said, among other things, “don’t read the comments.”

Sick as a fucking dog, btw. I could have had an awesome sunshiny powder day at the ski area but just could not do it. I did make it out to the range, however, getting in some practice before a class next week.

@Dodgerblue: I bet it was Playboy of the Western World and I defy anyone to stay wake for the duration. Pegeen Mike has to be one of the most annoying heroines ever set upon an unsuspecting world. To say nothing of Christy McMahon, toad that he is. The Happy Villager rule doesn’t technically apply here since this is a play so nobody cares. But the HVs in question are made even more loathsome by great steaming mounds of begorrah and the waving about of bottles of porter. Doubtless, somewhere, sometime, a jew and a fag got in a room together and made it into a musical. We can only be grateful it hasn’t become part of the repertoire.

@SanFranLefty: I’ve been having computer issues so I’ve limited my net time.

@redmanlaw: Do you know anything about the USAO in NM? I’ve been learning a little more about the feds here take when it comes to crimes in Indian Country (basically, they don’t really give a shit) and was wondering if it’s a nationwide fubar.

@Benedick von Trapp: It wasn’t. I’m waiting for my few remaining brain cells to kick in on this one.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Depends. I do know that the Freds jumped in and charged that kid who (allegedly) killed that nun in Navajo, NM, which pissed the Navajo tribe off because they wanted to prosecute him. On the other hand, a client of mine lost tens of thousands of dollars in an embezzlement/misuse of credit card thing. The organization had a forensic audit done, tied it up all in a bow and gave it to the US Attorney’s Office, where it’s sat for over a year now.

The office may be under new management soon, if the Senate confirms this guy who our senior senator is backing. He grew up in a village north of here named after the adjacent Indian pueblo. He’ll probably be put on indefinite hold once those yahoos find out he’s Hispanic, however.

@Benedick von Trapp: The Shaughraun.

Speaking of moronic homophobic typo-filled comments on MSM, my fellow grammarians will want to bookmark this link to send to morons who write “Your Gay” as their comment.

@Benedick von Trapp: For how long does this farce run? Vienna has never been at the top of my list to visit…until now.

@Original Andrew: …but do it in your own house just like me and my wife.. and leave this women alone…

One would almost think this a sign of Mississippi belatedly joining the post-Enlightenment world, where husbands and wives can pack fudge together, sort of a family night, like, um, pulling taffy. Such as.

But, “leave this women alone” ruins the entire thing for me.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Are you still looking for a gig? What is your geographical flexibility? Willing to come out west?

@SanFranLefty: That site is the best possible use of the internet I’ve yet seen. Except for porn of course.

PS — http://www.theirandtheyre.com seems, inexplicably, unoccupied!

@Pedonator: OMFG, squat on it now!

@Pedonator: It’s a massive smash hit that has been brought back by popular demand. Directed originally by Roman Polanski. Interestingly, the chief musical staff and writers are Yanquis, as is the choreographer. The only aspect they don’t quite make land is the dancing. In the States there would be no dancing doubles, though they do it well enough, and the dancing itself would be tougher, meaner, hotter. It’s still a wee bit balletic. But the theatre it was in was very beautiful and brilliantly updated with chrome and plush seats. Almost worth the trip just to see that.

But you see, people, American culture thrives even here in the third world. We should all be proud. They all want to be us. They’ve even imported douche graffiti with which to adorn innocent ex-Imperial stucco. In fact, Vienna could well be a model for post-empire DC. Except we’d have more advertising and slums.

@Dodgerblue: You poor darling. I’ve only ever read that. That was bad enough. I have to make a confession – and it’s not easy, OK? I’m afraid of Irish people on stage. They scare the bejesus out of me. I avoid seeing anything that I know will contain Irish people. Particularly if they’re being winsome. It’s unreasoning and wrong of me but there we are. I only have to hear a character man say “Sure now, Sean, weren’t himself drunk at Paddy’s wake…?” and I’m up the aisle heading for the bar.

@SanFranLefty: This is truly wonderful.

@SanFranLefty: When I say that, I get slapped.