Paisley Pro-Am for Best Sex Scandal

For a year without wide stances, it was a surprisingly strong field. The Tiger Woods story unfolded like a classic noir movie, with new twists emerging by the day. John Ensign needed his parents to pay off his mistress. Mark Sanford got caught at the airport following a visit to his Argentine firecracker. And Carrie Prejean went from “opposite marriage” to solo performance art.

And Rod Jetton? You don’t know him by name, but “Green Balloons” should be adopted as a safe word by all right-thinking Americans.

And the winner is…

Mark Sanford. “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” is one for the ages.

Next hour: Golden Anal Pear for Asshole of the Year

The 2009 Stinque Awards

29 comments:

1:05 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

Jetton was robbed! Battering someone unconscious and then having sex with her. It’s *this* close to necrophilia and, in that, represents real progress for Republicans.

1:33 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

tj/JFK and Nekked Women Photo Surfaces

While we can celebrate the Rat Packedness/bow chikka bow wow aspects of this, Mrs RML pointed out that Jackie was pregnant at home at the time, and that the baby was stillborn. Joseph P. Kennedy, probably the most interesting Kennedy in my book, was a fucking dog, so like father, like son.

1:38 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@redmanlaw: TMZ already has admitted that they were had, its not JFK, and in fact the photo is from a 1967 Playboy pictorial, Playboy’s Yacht Party. Notice they are all very professionally hiding the “beaver,” which at the time would have been sporting a prodigious bush? Those were the pre-beaver-shot Playboy days.

1:55 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@Prommie: Really? Dang. Had not seen the update.

2:00 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

Wait, what about the dude that tried to dress up as a Teddy bear and fuck that 13-year-old boy? THAT is true Republican spirit!

I think even Chainsaw will conceed that dude truely ahold have taken this award. For shame, stinquey overlords. For shame.

2:06 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Are you making this up? How could I have missed it? I run the string RAPE and REPUBLICAN through Google News just to make sure I don’t miss any of their important public policy activities.

2:12 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

By the way, new year’s question inspired by cleaning up office and putting things away, what ever became of Ether Satterfield? If it is something bad, don’t tell me.

2:13 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@chainsaw

Would I lie to you? I’d kinky a link but I am commenting au I from a diner in Chico, Ca.

2:24 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@FlyingChainSaw:
I kinda wished Tommmcatt were, but it is true:

http://firedoglake.com/2009/06/02/pennsylvanias-furry-foley/

2:37 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@ManchuCandidate: Thanks. Yes, I remember seeing this and turning white and being torn about posting something involving a young kid. Then again, the kid was probably in his backyard on his laptop surrounded by 20 chuckling friends, shouting out bizarre scenarios for the kid to suggest to Berlin. “Tell him you can cook a spaghetti squash in your ass, it’s so hot and see what he says, Mikey!”

3:59 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

I’m surprised the pervert who raped his foster daughter and then tried to trademark his name didn’t make the finals.

4:07 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

Attn: Stinquelaw partners and associates – Does an advocate have an ethical obligation to inform a potential client that a certain unnamed tribunal appears to hate his ass and rules against him constantly in matters within the tribunal’s jurisdiction, thereby costing his clients some serious dough over the past 18 months or so? It is more likely, however (based on discussions with several other lawyers I know and respect), that this tribunal just consistently rules against the employer, regardless of how much money a former employee embezzled, etc. It would be interesting to test this by taking an employee’s case before this outfit.

4:43 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@redmanlaw: Honest to god, I believe that if I were to say that to a client about a given judge, even if it were true, I would be prosecuted for an ethics violation for encouraging disrespect of the judicial system, and slandering a judge, because, of course the judge would swear up and down that he only smacked me because my clients always had losing causes.

As far as my own personal ethics, I would not take a case if I knew it was going to be heard by a tribunal that I knew was not going to be fair because of personal animosity towards me. I might even tell the potential client.

But I feel certain that the polite fiction that a tribunal would never rule unjustly because of their personal feelings about an advocate is such an unvarying law, that you would never, ever be required to tell someone that you think they are unfair, or even to decline the case. The system would never impose on you an obligation to unmask and reveal the flaws in the system itself.

4:45 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@redmanlaw: Yes.

5:40 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@redmanlaw: I don’t think so, at least if NM rules are interpreted the same way as Arizona’s ethics rules. The fairness to opposing party rule (16-304) is silent on the issue (b/c it mostly has to do with trial issues) and, as Prommie points out, you might be on thin ice under the judicial rule (16-802) that prohibits reckless statements about the ethics or integrity of a judicial officer.

5:48 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@Prommie: @Jamie Sommers: What motivated my “yes” response (this is sad but true) was to preempt any possible malpractice suit against RML. Such a suit wouldn’t win, but it’s be a nuisance. Of course I may be hypersensitive to this after a friend of a friend recently fought off a suit.

6:00 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@Prommie: I think everyone assumes that all justice systems are built upon hodgepodges of patronage, local alliances and animosities, repayment for set-ups with hookers and dwarf toss sessions and random blackmail. It’s impossible for anyone to hold them in greater contempt, especially after Gonzo.

6:26 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@FlyingChainSaw: Well, it’s shit like that that allows a demagogue like our local county attorney to charge a judge with bribery for having the temerity to rule against him and his fascist buttboy Joe Arpaio. I know the judge personally and not only is he not corrupt but he’s one of the few genuinely nice people on the bench (no black robe fever, hath he!).

7:00 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@Jamie Sommers: Yep, that clearly looks like local animosity. The fact that Thomas deserves to be kicked to death doesn’t change that. I am sure half of the stupid fucks in town think there is something to his charges.

7:02 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

Schlong bomb pictures released: http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/northwest-airlines-bomb-photos/story?id=9436297

Anyone caught wearing underwear on a plane is suspect now.

Drop your laundry asshole! Ha! Those look like bomber boxers to me, bucko! Those look like anarchist boxer bombers, in fact. How long have you been an anarchist, asshole?

7:09 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@FlyingChainSaw: I already dread flying because of the hassles, looks like it’ll be worsein 2010.

7:33 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@SanFranLefty: I am already reconfiguring the trips next month to cut out a flight in and out of DCA. I am stuck going to Europe next month but I will try to fly back on a Saturday or tuesday or something. First the shoe bomb guy. Now the schlong bomb guy. The abuse of the population is exactly what these groups want.

7:56 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

Hilarious – the Cheney Administration gave the schlong-bomber masterminds a set of watercolors after they released them from Gitmo.

http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/men-believed-northwest-airlines-plot-set-free/story?id=9434065

8:17 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@Jamie Sommers: That story about Arpaio charging the judge with Obstruction for enjoining his investigation, thats completely fucking insane, arpaio is obvs completely totally insane and a fascist, too.

I know one thing about my profession; it will hang the average little guy attorney out to dry on ethics, but acccuse a judge of not being impartial, of ruling against you out of personal grudge, the system closes ranks.

This is why I said that my personal ethics would make me decline to take case which will be heard in a hostile jurisdiction where the client would be better served with a different lawyer, and if I had a relationship with the client, I would even tell him why.

But no way, no way, is there an ethical obligation to tell the client; the fact is, the law simply assumes the impartiality of the tribunal, and I think its more dangerous to accuse the judge than not to.

As to whether a malpractice suit could result, I have worked defending legal malpractice, and again, to win, the judge will have to rule that the tribunal was in fact corrupt, in order to give rise to a duty to warn the client, and a judge just ain’t gonna rule that another judge is corrupt.

Man, even doing simple appeals of ordinary cases, you can totally piss off and alienate the appeal panel by accusing the trial judge of even a minor mistake in anything but the softest of phrases.

9:18 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@FlyingChainSaw: I’ve got a modest proposal for airline security, something I think would be completely effective and make travel more pleasant. Mandatory sedation, every passenger is sedated to unconsciousness for the duration of the flight.

As for these ex-Gitmo inmates, released to our “friend” Saudi Arabia, damn, I though the only reason we released people to Saudi Arabia was so the Saudi savages could cut their heads off.

9:46 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@Promnight: Sedation is a lot more appealing that what I envision, which is basically all of us in Depends and hospital gowns, arms and legs strapped into the seat like it’s the electric chair. FCS is right. All the hysteria is giving them exactly what they want.

11:40 pm • Monday • December 28, 2009

@Promnight: Oh, yes, exactly, trust TSA agents to give you the correct dose for your height, weight, medical history and likely reaction to the drugs at elevated altitudes. Sure. A huge proportion of the passengers on some flights would probably not awaken.

10:03 am • Tuesday • December 29, 2009

@SanFranLefty: @FlyingChainSaw: Yes, my future outbound travel is going to be awful, but with luck the return journey will be after new systems are in place and the generalized hysteria has calmed somewhat.

I don’t know about others, but I don’t mind going through a fullbody scan if that will help. Fuck privacy, I just finished a full physical with my Employer’s doc and she had me do things in the buff that would make Ma Nabisco blush. In fact, I’m considering sending her flowers.

10:48 am • Tuesday • December 29, 2009

@Nabisco: When do you leave?

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