Ho Ho Horrorshow

I saw Mommy beheading Santa Claus.Title: “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies: A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols ”

Author: Michael P. Spradlin

Rank: 1,693

Blurb: “Christmas is on its way — and all the little boys and ghouls are dreaming of stockings filled with candied eyes and bleeding body parts.”

Review: “What really seals the deal is the zombie using his own intestines to decorate the Christmas tree.”

Customers Also Bought: “Glow In The Dark Zombies Playset”

Footnote: Searching for “zombies” at Amazon yields 50,390 results.

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon kickback link]



we interrupt the holiday zombie fest for an announcement.

thank you. empty words for the gratitude i feel towards all who have softened the blow for me during my tremendous loss. i believe the only true love that exists is the love you get from a dog.
heartbreak. another empty word, that doesn’t come close to describing the pain i’m in. we have all been there, i know you understand.
friends. not an empty word. you have softened the blow. the outpouring of grief for this animal is unprecedented. to know sergio was to love him.
what you can all do for me today is give your pooches extra love and attention. life is precious and fleeting, go now, tell your dog how much you love him. all dogs are special. sergio, just a little more so. the only true love i ever knew was from him. the kittens i brought home at a week old, who he bathed and nestled with, cannot stop crying or looking for him either.
my fuckwit mother got me on the phone and kept repeating, “there will never be another sergio. never” thanks mom! you’re always so helpful!

though the tears are still pouring, i’m going to do the first normal thing i’ve done since wednesday…read stinque…maybe even smile for the first time. my love and gratitude to all your caring hearts.

One never gets over losing their pets. My parents won’t get another dog because the loss of our last one still hurts.

Love those barking, shedding, pooping and farting machines.

@baked: Was thinking of you while outside shoveling up a half-hudredweight of dog shit and hurling it into the woods.

In other breaking news we have turkey footprints all over the snow.

I still get sad when I walk by our Pommie Oreo’s resting spot in the yard marked by eight 16 x 16 paving stones. Our two other dogs’ ashes are scattered up at our old ranch.

@baked: Oh honey, you’re really making me weep at the thought of the little kittehs looking for their Daddy Dog Sergio. My St. Francis and Dios de los Muertos candles at the dog ash altar have been burning for your beautiful Borzoi.

My old lady kitty (16 hrs old) passed awaylastnight. I am filled with regret that I wasn’t there to hold her, but I’m grateful it was peaceful. The sitter found her with one of the other cats curled up next to her. She’s buried by the cocktail corner in the backyard. Pls light a candle for Maeve, Lefty.

@redmanlaw: Shaggy’s under the ivy. Outside the neighbor’s front door. No, I haven’t told the neighbor.

Meanwhile, Unnamed Black Stray (all kitties are “critter” anyway) comes in frequently for head-scratching before breakfast on the patio table. After a couple of minutes she gives me That Look, and it’s time to put the dish out.

@Mistress Cynica: A toast to Maeve. 16’s a damn fine run.

@Mistress Cynica: Damn. Sorry to hear that. Buy some orchids for her at the market. Those stripy ones that look totally out of place here in Woodstock. Like if you turn your back they’ll turn into Sylvia Plath. Have a great tomorrow.

@baked: why do you wait? i scoop as they poop. I let it set a little so I can really get some distance as I hurl it into the woods. The guys who have done all the work on the house like nothing better than to sit on the porch of a summer afternoon and watch me hurling the dog shit.

@Mistress Cynica: Of course! Goes without saying it will be lit for her highness…

@Mistress Cynica:

ahh cyn, honey, may Her Highness meet up with Sir Gio (get it?)
on their journey. rest in peace, Maeve.

my house is looking godamn gothic with all these fucking candles and tears.

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